Should we go for separation or divorce ???
Or should we as a last resort go into couples therapy ??
And isn’t it a bit expensive, that couples therapy?
Then the crisis rages. The word divorce has been shouted over and over again, conflicts have escalated, distance is fatal, but there are children and houses, cottages and cars, networks and a whole life. The whole thing is completely unmanageable.
The woman’s girlfriends say she should go; – she has found herself in a lot. The man’s friends say nothing, because he does not tell anyone. Is it now, as the old saying goes, that good advice is expensive. Should we really be separated and through the personal defeat that it is for many. Do we once again have the strength to close our eyes and bite our teeth together and manage it in spite? And what about the old skeletons in the closet? They rattle and move, because this is not the first time that the crisis has paralyzed and frightened. There was also his affair 10 years ago, there was also her over-consumption of the Dankort and selfish city trips with friends, there were also the many nights where he did not take care of the children at all, but shouted that he wanted to sleep… There was also that Christmas Eve, where we both felt
So now there is a choice:
Should we seek that separation or divorce ???
Or should we as a last resort go into couples therapy ??
And isn’t it a bit expensive, that couples therapy?
More than DKK 1,000 per consultation. And what should such a couple therapist really be able to do? Sit and talk a little, – can it pay off at all ?? Because it’s quite expensive.
Most people can open their wardrobe and see quite expensive clothes and quite expensive shoes. When we choose to buy something that is expensive, I think it’s because we see it as a kind of future investment. Having expensive clothes, an expensive car, etc. is due to the fact that we partly want quality, partly want something that makes us happy and satisfied.
What goes into couples therapy is, in my view, least of all about money. For what brought us together a long time ago were emotions. And when the emotions are there, we do not let reason prevail and sit and analyze whether it pays to go into this relationship financially.
After all, it is not common sense or economically viable to fall in love; to move from apartments and move together, to choose to have children who are time consuming and expensive to run, to spend lots of time and money on furniture and insurance and restaurant visits and concert experiences, etc., etc. Or is it ??
The thing is, very quickly, if we focus on economics, we should immediately strike a line over couples therapy. But since it is about emotions and about values, the matter is more nuanced than that. For finally, do not go into couples therapy. Keep that money, and then look a little at the big accounts if your crisis becomes so drastic that divorce is the next resort. For separation application, to sell house, to hire a lawyer, to find deposit for a new place to live, to buy smaller cars, etc. also costs money. Lots of money.
I have often thought that what many studies point out, namely that it takes two years before you have come across a divorce after a long-term relationship, is also due to the fact that only after two years do you have a financial overview again and find a new rhythm in terms of overview and systems in everyday life…
Of course, one should only seek out a couples therapist if there is a common interest in saying:
Now we do what we can to straighten the shot. After all, the values in question are precisely to reinforce or recreate the closeness to each other, to talk about the rattling skeletons and get them parked so that they do not continue to move, to find out how the recurring disagreements regarding finances, children, ways of prioritizing and how much time and how much effort is to be expended on each partner’s respective job or hobbies can be landed. To have the longings and wishes expressed and possibly sexual fantasies that one has and that have never been articulated, to get back the humor that was there once and where one could laugh together, etc., etc. All something that was once and that it is worth to immerse in. Why? Because the probability that we will be upset if we did not try and the probability that that we maintain blind spots even in a later relationship is great if we do not look inward and turn towards each other. And yes, quality has always cost.
One thing must be for sure though:
I guarantee that I will do everything I can to help with that processing and inspiration so that the investment of going into couples therapy does not go in vain.
- For money you can buy a watch, but not the time.
- For money you can buy a house, but not the good mood.
- For money one can buy a bed, but not heartfelt tenderness and intimacy.
- For money you can buy a TV; but not necessarily the feeling of being entertained and satisfied
- For money you can buy advice, and if the good advice works for you, they give meaning and joy of life, even though they may be expensive
