The most dreaded conversation of the dating process after the “What are we?” convo is probably when a relationship ends.
Often times you can tell that something is only happening by the way he acts.
Maybe he’s been aloof in recent weeks, maybe he’s been less intentional in the last few dates, and he’s made less effort than he started out.
You will usually feel it coming and that alone is horrible.
But what makes it even more difficult is that a lot of times there is no specific reason why the relationship ends.
Instead, it will simply state “I’m just not ready… yet”.
Hands down the worst reason to break up, because it sends you down a rabbit hole of all the things you think you can do to change your mind.
But as I explain in my book Situationship to Relationship, there is nothing you can do to change a man’s mind. So the best thing a lot of us want to do is wait.
Hence the question becomes: “Should I wait for it or move on?”
Girl, take it from someone who learned the hard way. Waiting for him to prepare is never a good idea.
Putting your life on hold to wait for a man is not only a waste of the precious time God has given you on this earth, but also dangerous. Because you might be preparing for a heartbreak.
The truth is, expecting someone in a relationship means that you put their needs ahead of yours, and your happiness depends on whether or not you can meet theirs.
But what if you can’t?
What if he, who needed time and space, transformed himself by finding what he was looking for elsewhere?
One of my favorite sayings is, “If you know you know if you don’t, it’s not it.” You understand?
What I mean by that is that men will know when they find the person they want to be with. Because the connection will be so strong that there’s no doubt it’s the right one.
But if he’s not sure about yourself and is having a hard time committing, then chances are you aren’t the right fit for him. So instead of waiting for him to reject you once more, move on.
Don’t be fooled by traditional hip hop. When a man finds the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, he won’t need a lot of space and time to move.
This is simply not true.
And if you are not yet convinced, consider the following 5 points before waiting for a man to be ready.
Prioritize Your Own Life
I understand that you can be in love and convinced that he is the one for you and I really pray that he is. However, every time you wait for a man you end up saying that my life doesn’t matter much so I’m just going to put it on hold.
You postpone your happiness to an unknown future date over which you have no control. The problem with this thinking is that we assume that we have unlimited time on earth. We think we will have to love forever once he comes back.
The truth is, you don’t!
You have to take advantage of the now and live in the present. The last thing you want is to get to a point in life where you regret wasting your time on earth.
You delay your goal
Personally, this point is the most important for me. You ladies know that my life is about helping single Christian women come out with confidence and fearless love. It’s what I eat, sleep and breathe every day.
And because of that lens, I’ve been fortunate enough to work with tons of amazing women in private, but I’ve been able to maintain this blog as well.
What if I postponed this, because of a man? What if I would have lived a safe life in the hope that the man I am expecting would find me exactly where I was when he left? Then all this would not exist.
Your ability to let go of what is preventing you from living a full life is what will decide whether you walk according to God’s plan for you. Desperately hanging on a man will keep you in slavery and distract you from your goal.
He becomes your idol
As a Christian woman, you understand very well what idols are. And you know that whatever you desire more than God will ultimately take you away from Him. Because you knowingly or unconsciously choose your desire on God.
And when you wait for someone you love to come back, chances are it is not in line with God’s will for your life. And I know there are some extreme situations like when your man is in the military and you have to wait until he comes back from deployment. But it is different.
Like I said above, your life has a purpose and unless you are intentionally working out your expectation you are essentially making this man your idol.
You block your blessing
Let’s be realistic. There are over 3 billion men in this world and waiting for just one to decide they want to be with you is a waste of time and energy. I don’t know how many men you meet on a daily basis, but I’m sure some of them are cute.
When your heart is locked on a particular man, you often become oblivious to the other men around you. Suddenly you’re not paying attention to the handsome guy at the gas station or the gentleman who opened the door for you at a local restaurant.
You are so dismissive of all available men around you that you begin to block your blessing. Yes ma’am. You!
Because guess what. God can send you hundreds of great men, but if you are not ready to receive them, His work is wasted.
He plays you
This one might be hard for some of you to digest. But I have to share it anyway. If he wants you to wait until he’s ready for a relationship, there’s a good chance he’s playing you.
As I mentioned before, a man will recognize the right person for him. And once he does, he won’t be long in committing himself. It’s that simple.
That’s why when a man isn’t ready to commit, it’s a good indicator most of the time that he just isn’t in you. And it’s okay. Keep your head up while moving it.
But don’t allow him to chain you while he searches for the woman of his dreams.
This is how you get your heart broken and turn into a crazy ex-girlfriend.
He needs space
Men and women are different when it comes to engagement. All a woman needs is a good man. Once she’s with him, she’ll find things and make them work.
A man, on the other hand, needs the right woman at the right time. Once he meets her, he will assess whether or not this fits into his grand plan of life. If it doesn’t, it won’t make it work.
It’s stupid and frustrating, but that’s how men think
So if this is the case with you then you have to give it space and time to figure things out. Respect her decision to pursue other things in this season of her life. If one day he’s ready, so much the better.
However, that doesn’t mean you have to wait for it to prepare. While he takes care of his needs, you must do the same. Forget the likelihood of him coming back and instead make room in your life for other men to chase you.
If he’s the right one, he’ll catch up
Finally, you need to be confident that if the relationship is meant to be, it will be.
We are often tempted to make things work at our own pace. But you have to resist and allow things to unfold naturally.
Remember, if he wants to make things work, he will make the effort. You don’t have to remind him of your presence by patting you in his dm. And you don’t have to remind her that you love her, by calling her or texting her.
If he is the right one for you, your paths will cross again and he will engage with you as you need him to.