You fulfilled the dream of marrying the love of your life, but, without your realizing it, the routine and chores of everyday life affected an important part of your life together: sex.
In your imagination, after you were married, you and your husband would be having sex at all times, anywhere, after all, now they would have the green light and a series of opportunities to enjoy each other. However, in practice, this does not happen for many people.
On the contrary, what I hear out there is that sex gets worse after marriage .
For a number of circumstances, quantity (and sometimes even quality) drops.
For many, sex gets worse after marriage. However, before going out pulling your hair out weeping, know that this situation is more common than you think and has a solution!
Today you will see what can happen for the sex between the couple to decrease and what you can do to get around this situation.
After all, “sex gets worse after marriage” doesn’t have to be a maxim in your life!
In today’s text we will address:
- Having to deal with reality;
- It is much more common than you might think;
- Does sex get worse after marriage? Some facts you need to know !;
- Simple steps to solve the problem;
- The secret to sex after marriage.
Having to deal with reality
Before I married my first husband, I also had this sweet delusion that my sex life would be great, that we would never have a problem with that.
However, with the arrival of my children, their routine and a little lack of information, I had to accept that I was in trouble.
The result was a divorce.
In my second marriage, I have a different mind and I know how to deal with this issue better. Despite my routine that was even more troubled and the birth of my other children, I managed to keep the flame burning at my wedding.
Of course, sometimes I would like to have a little extra time just for the two of us, but we got our moments. It is laborious, but not impossible.
It is much more common than you think
We always think our situation is bad, but believe me, there are other couples out there who are going through something similar or worse than us.
A survey of eight thousand people aged 15 to 64 released a few years ago by the Ministry of Health found that 11% of married couples had not had sex for at least a year.
And it doesn’t just happen here. In the United States, data from the General Social Survey, a University of Chicago program that tracks changes in American society, revealed that 15% of people living under the same roof are between six months and a year without having sex.
Even when they say there is love, many couples do not have sex. What would be the reason for many people to say that sex gets worse from marriage? We’ll look at some of them in the next few topics.
Does sex get worse after marriage? Some facts you need to know!
Where’s the person I married?
Sometimes it seems that our partners change so much after the wedding that the attraction we feel for them diminishes.
Or maybe, we have changed so much that in his eyes we are no longer so attractive. The attraction is not limited to the physical, but to a number of other aspects.
We cannot give up or sit and watch TV and expect our partners to be attracted to us.
There is nothing in the wedding vows about being forever attracted to your husband or wife. Sad but true.
The good news is that your partner was probably attracted to you for several reasons and you can always get them back!
We generally don’t like to make an effort. We want to work less and earn more, eat more and weigh less…
Except, I’m sorry to tell you, real life is not like that. It takes effort to have an active sex life with your husband and even more effort to have a quality sex life.
When you were dating, it was necessary to make an effort for you to have fun and you gave your all, since you didn’t always see each other.
Now that your partner is at your disposal 24 hours a day, your desire to please decreases a little. After all, if you don’t have sex now, he’ll still be available tomorrow.
It is not enough to have a mechanical sex of ill will, it is necessary to add a little spice.
The s couples are surprised by the effort involved to get away from your routine to have sex. There are several ways to satisfy a man and a woman, it just takes a little effort to figure out how.
Routine is sex’s worst enemy, without a doubt.
I’ve seen many cases (including mine) of couples who split up because they didn’t know how to deal with the routine.
And let’s agree that if we don’t make an effort to change that, the sex life really becomes very monotonous.
Want an example? Say you like fish a lot, you would eat it whenever you could.
However, in the restaurant you go to, they only prepare in a single way that is roasted. After spending some time at that establishment, you get sick of eating that meal.
You did not stop liking fish, but you would like to eat in another way: fried, stewed or in any way. Life as a couple works the same way. Having sex always the same way, at predetermined times, ends up becoming tiring and boring.
There is a strong connection between age and decreased sexual desire in a marriage.
This happens because of the irreversible emotional and physical changes that accompany age and this affects couples’ ability to have fun. Whether for medical reasons, societal norms or personal choices, there will be a time when sexual desire decreases significantly.
Hormonal changes also play a role in reducing natural sexual desire, later in marriage.
Levels of testosterone hormones gradually decrease in men while affecting their sexual performance.
The mystery is over
Getting used to each other is one of the reasons why your sexual desire will naturally decrease and that is why some people say that sex gets worse after marriage.
You are no longer strangers and your partner’s hidden secrets and traits become visible.
Initially, a couple will see themselves at their best, but after marriage, you begin to see behaviors and defects more clearly.
Physical and psychological issues can also contribute to a decrease in sexual desire after marriage.
Greater family responsibility
With marriage comes children and they often have a big impact on a couple’s sexual desire.
While a man may feel the pressure of being a father, the woman, on the other hand, suffers physical and emotional challenges in taking care of herself and her child.
Most men will complain of being neglected when a woman spends more time with her children. In addition, it is always more difficult to have moments of intimacy with children around. In these cases, for many people, sex gets worse after marriage.
This can happen to any woman, regardless of how happy the relationship is or whether she is sexually resolved.
Recently, actress Luana Piovani gave an interview stating that she had difficulty having sex after her children arrived.
The situation was resolved after a frank conversation with her husband and the change in family dynamics. She managed to deal with the problem and managed to overcome it.
A combination of psychological and physical factors comes into play after the wedding.
At the beginning of the relationship it was all wonderful, but there are marriages in which sex disappears completely.
Nobody wants to suffer from the so-called “sexual anorexia”. In this case, the couple not only avoid the bed, but also the samples of affection.
This is the most difficult problem to solve.
If neither party is interested in making love to your partner, how do you solve the problem? Seeking outside help as a family therapist can help your situation a lot.
Simple steps to solve the problem
We all change, we age, regardless of our relationship status; and many of us expect relationships that last well beyond the “honeymoon period”. To sustain a satisfying sex life, we need to focus on the factors that we can control.
Here are some tips on how to rekindle the flame of passion in your relationship and have more sex in your marriage:
Make your relationship a priority
Find time to be alone at least once a week.
This can include an evening meeting, a walk together, sharing a hobby , having a coffee in the living room, eating and exercising together or anything else that allows them to be alone.
Develop an attractive personality, take care of your self-esteem and learn from mistakes to move on and search for the next relationship in the right way!
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Create couple rituals
These are habits that are shared between the two and are unique to each relationship.
A ritual can be simple or fantastic. Some examples include kissing before you leave the house and, when you arrive, telling jokes, sharing what you did that day, watching romantic movies together …
Flirt all the time
While you are boyfriends, you share spicy texts and messages, play games trying to attract your partner all the time.
Many get married and think that dating is no longer necessary, however, this is the key component to the day-to-day relationship.
Time without children
If you have children, set aside some children’s free time for you and your partner. Your marriage is important.
If you need to, schedule time for intimacy, just as you would schedule time for an important task at work.
Talk about your sexual desires
Make sure you are on the same page regarding the desired frequency of sex, as well as the types of sexual behaviors you want.
You can add new features to your usual sex script. Try to vary the place of your relationships, consider using something different, applying a perfume of romance, listening to romantic music …
Try new postures to deal with monotony, find different places to have sex or introduce sex toys and games; this will help them to rekindle the passion. If you can afford it, visit an erotic hotel .
Work for marital satisfaction
More satisfied couples share more sexual intimacy.
Take some time to decide what you can do for your relationship, to make you happier as a couple.
Recent research shows that positive non-sexual behaviors like saying “I love you” or greeting your partner can lead to increased sex, as well as increased romantic satisfaction.
Talk about sex
Openly express fears, prejudices and concerns, as well as your sexual dreams and fantasies, although they may not always be able to fulfill them.
Talk freely during sex, about what you like best. Frank conversation can be the key to sexual satisfaction.
Take care of your appearance
Many people who get married think that they don’t need to take care of their appearance after they get married.
This is a big mistake!
Would you like your husband to be sloppy just because he married you? Probably not. Attraction is still very important for a relationship, so make an effort to look attractive in your partner’s eyes.
Take the initiative
The initiative should not always be left in the hands of man.
It is important that the woman also takes the reins and starts the sexual game. You are an empowered woman, let go of insecurity, surprise and seduce your partner.
You can start with an erotic massage, a striaptease , or whatever your imagination demands .
The secret to sex after marriage
After all, does sex get worse after marriage? The answer is: it depends.
The secret for the flame to remain lit is to work so that the wedding does not fall into the routine.
You should try new things, talk about what you like and dislike and be affectionate.
Regardless of what you do, it is vital to understand that intimacy in long-term relationships requires work on both sides. As long as the two are committed to working on it, everything will be fine and sex will not be a problem for the couple.