Let’s talk about sex? Many people are still uncomfortable talking about it. Sometimes shame even extends to the partner! They were taught to run from the topic or to mention it only in specific situations, usually in a circle of close friends.
Even when talking about sex openly, the tendency is only to see the spicy side. There is no problem with that, after all, the sexual act is a physiological necessity as much as eating and sleeping! But you end up losing satisfaction and pleasure when you focus only on the naughty side.
To have a healthy sex life, you need to develop the following premise about sex: a natural need, worthy of conversations between you and your partner . This is how couples get the most out of each other in moments of intimacy.
So, in this article, we will talk a lot about sex, relationships and self-esteem ( yes, it is very necessary! ) So that you can have a healthy and pleasurable sex life.
Sex and relationship: how is the relationship going?
Sex within the relationship must be accompanied by dialogue and good coexistence. The more you are in tune with your partner, the more pleasurable the sexual relationship is! Many couples, however, do not associate talking about their intimacies as something easy, good or pleasant.
Usually, the word ‘dialogue’ is already received with a roll of the eye, isn’t it?
The truth is that, at one time or another, sex changes within the relationship. Just as a couple’s personality , opinions and plans change over the course of their lives, their sex lives also tend to do so.
What to do when you encounter an impasse? Or if the partner’s view of the couple’s sex life changes? Or if you get bored to the point of losing your will?
Well, in these cases, dialogue is the key factor in returning the excitement back to the relationship!
Therefore, if your perception of both talking about sex with your partner and talking about the most diverse subjects is negative, it is necessary to make some changes . Start by asking yourself how your relationship is going.
Is there anything you would like to change? Do you have repressed desires that you would like to share with your partner? How to improve sex?
It may be strange to get in touch with this ‘systematic’ view of something considered so spontaneous, but soon you will understand the need for these questions.
Most common sexual problems in the relationship
Below, see the complaints of couples most found in sexologists’ offices.
- Sexual impotence ;
- Premature ejaculation;
- Lack of confidence and self-esteem;
- Indifference to sexual stimuli;
- Inability to have orgasm;
- Lack of communication;
- Low or excess libido ;
- Obsessive sexual fetishes; and
- Lack of interest in the relationship.
Did you identify with any of these problems? So, go with me to the next subject.
Sex and you: how are you?
Did you know that your self-esteem and self-perception contribute a lot to sex?
Appearance is an issue that usually affects sexual practice, especially when the body begins to change with age. Another subject widely commented on among people is the lack of self – confidence, which in turn leads to awkwardness in bed.
Self- esteem is one of the determinants of a healthy sex life!
Confident people are wanted, attractive and sexy for a very obvious reason: a security virtually unshakable in themselves. Even though this ideal seems to be very distant, it is still possible to work on your self-image to increase self-confidence.
There is still a lot of misinformation about the body itself, the erogenous parts and what is most exciting for both. This can generate conflicts for the individual as well as disrupt the harmony between the couple.
One way to fill in the gaps with knowledge is to pay attention to the sensations caused by your partner’s touch and caresses, exploring different areas of the body and sexual positions.
Another way is to learn more about your body through your own touch. Masturbation is usually a taboo especially for women , but sexologists , professionals dedicated to helping couples with their sex lives, recommend it for both sexes.
In summary, if you are not comfortable with the appearance, do what you can to modify the aspects that you dislike. Now, if the problem is insecurity, you need to let go and trust yourself as well as your partner. Next, let’s see how it can be done.
What to do to have a healthy sex life?
Now that you, single, curled up or in a serious relationship, have already thought a lot about your sex life, it’s time to talk about what to do to have ecstatic sexual experiences!
Vittude sexologists shared very interesting tips for you to have unforgettable relationships.
Talk about sex
Again, I emphasize the importance of dialogue.
But why so much emphasis on words and so little on action?
Since many people are uncomfortable talking about sex, they may be hiding desires and fears within them. For the couple to be on the same wavelength, whether in a serious relationship or on a casual night, it is necessary, at least, to talk about what is comfortable and what goes beyond the limits.
For long-term couples, it can be embarrassing to talk about what you like and don’t like , but the partner needs to know if you are totally satisfied or if you end relationships frustrated and wanting more, or vice versa.
Due to the routine, you may be addicted to behavior that does not please your partner. Forget about the ego for a moment and try to understand the other person’s feelings. It may be a boring conversation, but the two can only gain from it!
For the couple to cultivate a harmonious sex life, conversations need to transcend the barrier of shame . Thus, the relationship is strengthened.
Search for news about sex
The busy daily routine ends up making sex more straightforward, more programmed. Sometimes couples even need to make an appointment, as if they are scheduling an extra event for the week.
To break the routine spell, change the scenario. Try different rooms, such as the living room, office or bathroom, and moments of the day never taken advantage of. Plan a nice weekend trip to a romantic spot with a nice hotel room.
Let your imagination run wild. Talk to your partner about your sexual desires and sleeping fantasies. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, like an elaborate roleplay . Often, fantasies are limited to a different position or use of a sex toy.
Experience new sensations. Spend more time on parts of the body that are rarely touched, but equally erogenous, such as the nipples, the nape of the neck and the earlobes. Sex doesn’t have to be just about penetration! Explore your partner’s body without haste and allow yourself to get lost in the sensations.
Strengthen trust in the relationship
There is nothing sensual about a relationship without trust. What is the use of being in a relationship where you are suspicious of your partner’s attitudes? Or don’t you have the emotional confidence to engage in sexual fantasies and confide secrets?
The couple needs to feel connected to each other . This connection is only possible through the vulnerability, which, in turn, is achieved by building trust between two or more people.
This does not mean, however, that you should pass your social media password to your partner or tell him / her where you are every minute of the day. The trust to which I refer has a broader meaning.
It is the certainty that the companion will treat you well every day, it will be your safe haven even in the most absurd surroundings, you will reach out when you need it and celebrate the achievements with you!
To build trust, the couple can simply spend more time together, leave their cell phones aside while paying attention to each other, sharing the same interests and having sincere conversations.
And to allow yourself to trust your partner, there is nothing like investing in your self-confidence, practicing self-knowledge and realizing its nuances. That is, your details: what you like, what you don’t like, how far you like to go, etc. This exercise in self-knowledge must be constant .
Bet on seduction games and spice up sex
The looks, the kisses, the hugs, the compliments … A couple need not fail to pay attention to these factors after the conquest. In fact, warm kisses are capable of arousing passion and excitement at the same time . Years and years may pass, but kisses, even the simplest, must remain.
The looks of the beginning of the relationship, when it was desired to spend hours just admiring the other, must be brought back. Foreplay too! These “little details” make a big difference when it comes to sex.
Praise is just as effective. In addition to encouraging the partner, they are sincere ways of showing interest and satisfaction in sexual intercourse. To warm up the climate even more, you can resort to warmer conversations, whispered in the ear or on your partner’s skin.
Respect partner’s opinion
Isn’t the partner in the mood now? Respect. Does the partner not like this or that during sex? Respect. Does the partner prefer to have sex only on that day because of the routine? Respect, but negotiate.
Instead of trying to convince the person to do what you want , make them comfortable to see that you are open to change or other possibilities . In this way, a cozy space is created for the partner to talk about what is so uncomfortable for him.
However, if you have tried to talk to your partner, provided time and space and nothing has changed, couple therapy or a visit to the sexologist can help you identify exactly where the impasse is. Just as you need to respect your partner, he / she also needs to understand your desires.
Make the moment special
From time to time, create a more spicy mood. Use music, aromas, drinks and aphrodisiac foods. Even fetishes are valid! Leave the light partially on to improve eye contact. Spread petals around the room and light aromatic candles. Make a declaration of love. Take your preliminaries.
Anyway, it revives the romance in the relationship occasionally to get out of the routine and have more pleasurable sexual experiences . After all, sex is a moment of intimacy between you and your partner. Use it to show how much you like it and strengthen the relationship.
(Likewise, you can have a night dedicated only to a more intense game, with toys, bites and scratches!).
And what not to do?
Leave the initiative to the partner only
The partner needs to know that you have the same interest in sex as he does, so don’t let him do all the work . If the lack of initiative is related to shyness or shame, talk to him / her about what you feel so that together you can overcome this feeling.
Force sexual fantasies and desires on the partner
Sex in the relationship, especially when it involves sexual fantasies and fetishes, must be thought of together. If the other person is not comfortable with fulfilling his wishes, it is not legal to force him. Perhaps the relationship is in need of a little more trust or intimacy.
Similarly, you cannot just force your will and not reciprocate. If both are bored with the tables somewhat ‘vanilla’ positions, the correct thing is to seek consensus on what can be done to spice up the relationship !
Focus only on yourself during sex
The sexual act must be pleasurable for everyone involved, not just you. Selfishness in bed is a common complaint of couples. There needs to be a balance between giving and receiving pleasure in sex.
Focusing only on your own needs wears out the relationship and gives the impression that you don’t care about your partner. Over time, he or she may lose interest in sex.
So pay attention to your partner’s reactions to find out which touches are most effective, and if you notice dissatisfaction, change your tactics or ask.
The same goes for the attention you give your partner. When you are together, excited, and the weather is getting hot, do you get carried away by the cell phone ringing? Or does it allow thoughts to escape to that annoying work problem?
If one is easily distracted, but requires exemplary conduct from the other, the couple will soon friction . Dedicating total attention to your partner in moments of intimacy is essential.
Lying to please your partner
As much as it seems obvious to be sure of the other person’s will and desire, many people self-sabotage and end up agreeing with what they don’t want to satisfy their partner .
Do not feel obliged to flourish the sexual act if it was not so pleasant. You don’t have to be rude or show irritation. Just don’t fill your partner with dishonest praise.
Lying so as not to hurt the other person’s feelings can become a habit. Although this behavior is motivated by good intentions, the truth will sooner or later escape.
You will not find sex pleasurable and will try to avoid it, leaving your partner in the dark. In addition, the partner may feel embarrassed or deceived when they discover their true opinions. As a result, honesty between the couple builds a more intimate relationship.
Think only of “getting there”
Did you know that there are several ways to get a person excited?
According to this American magazine of psychology , regardless of gender, each individual has a response to sexual stimuli . Some people may take a while to get in the mood while a visual stimulus is enough for others.
So it is important to find out what your partner likes and use the information to create an ecstatic experience for both of you! After all, as we already said, sex is not just penetration. Wanting to get straight to the point in every relationship can become tedious and even tiring for the other person.
You can start seduction (or provocation, but all in a healthy way!), Even if you are in a long relationship, simply by sending a message or nude throughout the day. In this way, the partner’s expectations for the meeting alone at night grow.
Why consult a sexologist?
Many of the problems that affect couples’ satisfaction can be easily resolved through dialogue. Overcoming shame, getting out of the routine, being more attentive, bringing novelties to sexual intercourse, among other sexual issues, can be overcome or encouraged with the help of a sexologist.
But there is still much fear of visiting a sexology professional . In addition to being uncomfortable facing possible behavioral flaws, people tend not to feel comfortable sharing intimate details of the relationship.
It is true that personal matters must be resolved between the couple. Often the advice and hints received from relatives and friends, even if they have good intentions, are mistaken and destabilize the relationship.
The sexologist is an experienced professional in human sexual relations , able to help the couple find effective answers to marital problems. Singles can also benefit from the guidelines!