There has never been anything done overnight to restore the predecessor. It has always been a long process. There can be no mistakes in this process, otherwise it is easy to fail. Let’s learn about 5 things you must know to restore your predecessor. .
1. Make it clear whether you are due to emptiness and loneliness, or you really can’t let go of the past and want to save your ex
Every time when it comes to this issue, some people dismissively think that there is a difference between the two. The ending is not to save the other party. In fact, the difference is big:
People who want to redeem their predecessors because of emptiness and loneliness, their core appeal is not to “recover” at all, but to find an object, that’s all-so these people simply can’t calm down to make changes and pay, and save the most. It is them who are easy to give up halfway.
And people who want to redeem their ex because of emptiness and loneliness will always mistakenly think that they are obsessed with their ex because they really can’t let go of their past feelings. I have seen a lot of such ironic situations: before meeting a new person, one mouthful of The predecessor is the love of my life”; after meeting the new person, “the predecessor? What predecessor?”
In fact, it is clear that you can’t think about it by yourself. We will always beautify ourselves inadvertently. We are not as affectionate as we think. If you are not sure about your state, it is actually too simple: you get together before. When there are so many problems, you just grab one thing, don’t worry about whether you want to restore the other party, you insist on changing for half a month and try.
For example, you broke up because you were not motivated and did not have your own plan. You should insist on studying or fitness for half a month, and see if you can stick to it:
Most people who want to redeem their predecessors because of their emptiness and loneliness will basically make a short run in the middle-after all, they subconsciously feel that doing so will not necessarily bring that person back. I don’t need to be so serious…
You see, if you are so utilitarian from the beginning, it is really better to find a new person to save time and effort.
2. Suppress and restrain your impulsive emotions, and prevent the other party’s impression of you from continuously deteriorating
Emotions are often out of control during recovery. The most difficult thing is to suppress this emotion and prevent the momentary emotional impulse from causing the entire pace of your recovery to become a mess:
Even if you regret and feel guilty now, you can’t endlessly go to your ex to cry and apologize, this will only drag the other party into the past that she doesn’t want to remember at all;
Even if you are now anxious to get the other party back to you, you can’t run to the other party to show your loyalty now, because you with empty hands and empty checks will only make your ex feel that you are not sincere;
And even if you are now ready to read and comprehend the social news of your ex, you have to guess for a long time what this person means when she shares a song, and you must force yourself to forget about it, because endless guessing will make you mindful Uncertainty can’t do things according to their own decisions…
If you intend to restore the other party, you have to suppress your impulse again and again in the process, whether it is to find someone to talk, to divert your attention, or to properly block some news and news about your ex. Guarantee:
No matter what your own mentality collapses, you can’t bring this state into your recovery progress, because your emotional out of control will only further make your ex feel that you are unreliable and dangerous.
3. Really summarize and reflect on yourself, and actually make changes
To be honest, although everyone knows about “change yourself”, it is not so easy to implement it:
You have been living well in the past for so many years. Now you are required to reverse your consistent thoughts and behaviors for so many years because of someone who has been with you for a few years. Can you really do it?
And objectively speaking: In many cases, the separation of two people really doesn’t make anyone right or wrong. In fact, it’s just inappropriate. You don’t even need to change yourself. Finding a more suitable person may be able to live well. .
Therefore, when you want to redeem your ex, you must take a close look at your heart and ask yourself seriously: Am I really willing to change myself because of this person? If my ex still thinks She did nothing wrong herself, can I really willingly give in and compromise?
You should know that you didn’t have to make these changes at the beginning, so you have to be willing to do it after you have done it, and you can’t kidnap each other with “I have done so much for you, you should reconcile with me”.
4. Even if you are saving the opponent
In fact, the three things mentioned above can be done by most people who work hard, but this relatively imaginary thing involves mentality, but many people can’t do it:
Because their gains and losses are too heavy, they are always afraid of losing this person, so in the process of redemption, they always become humble involuntarily.
When many people try to restore each other, they become a “dog licking”:
I don’t have the original rhythm of life, as long as the ex is willing to reply to myself, it is fortunate that I should let go of things to do and chat with her;
I am willing to pay and sacrifice for the other party without a bottom line, as long as the ex is willing to keep in touch with me; no matter what the ex said is right, it is my own fault to take everything down…
You think this can show your sincerity, but in fact doing so is not conducive to your recovery:
Although you really want to save each other now, you are actually two passers-by. You put yourself in such a low position at once, so that the other party will easily be burdened with great psychological burden and pressure;
And gradually, that person may be proud of your accustomed favor, feel that you really did nothing wrong, all you owe her;
What’s more uncomfortable is that if your psychological status has been particularly low, this person is not in a hurry to reconcile with you-anyway, it only takes a word from me to get back together. Then I’ll watch it first, I’m not in a hurry.
You have to know: When you are going to restore the other party, your purpose is not to get the other party back, but to change yourself in a down-to-earth manner, and re-attract the other party by being a better self.
There are essential differences between the two-the former will have no bottom line for the other party, while the latter always aims to build oneself first and clarify the boundaries.
Can you really do it without gain or loss, is it really because you recognize your mistakes and want to be better, so you can save the other person?
5. Regarding the past, you can really forget the past
This matter directly relates to the degree of stability of your relationship after you get back together: some couples get back together quickly, but in fact they haven’t let go of their hearts, and some historical issues in the past relationships have not been resolved.
I have been repeatedly saying to those who have compounded success:
Once you decide to save each other, once you get back together, you must know that you are starting a new relationship. You must bear the blame for your past relationships. I know that your ex may have done things that hurt you, but since you If you want to start again, you can’t remember the past.
Maybe you think you can do it now, don’t worry, it’s because you have not yet reached that time:
When you really feel the dawn of recombination, when you are really good again, you will be somewhat unconvinced in your heart-after all, you will feel that I have not taken advantage of my relationship in the past, why Want me to take the initiative to save you?
In short, it is swollen, and after getting the results, I am proud.
Can you really forget the past and start a new relationship with an empty cup mentality that opens up a new relationship?
Can you really let go of the past, instead of planning to reconcile in the future and then settle your grievances and dissatisfaction a little bit?