We are living in difficult times. With all the people I talk to, the conclusion is always the same: “ We never imagined experiencing such difficult times! ”. The whole world is experiencing the same situation, uncertainty and social withdrawal .
Although the lockdown and social isolation are not exactly new, since it was adopted by many countries during the Spanish flu in 1918, these hundred and twenty years that separate us gave us the false hope that we would no longer be mercy of viruses or bacteria.
Vaccines and antibiotics comforted us with a false sense of security. Medicine seemed to be evolving, so that the human being’s longevity seemed to become increasingly greater. We imagined that the chances of dying from disease would be very small.
Due to this peculiar situation, during the last months many people are experiencing a wide variety of moods and having an equally varied repertoire of affective expressions. Loneliness, irritation, prostration, anxiety , sadness and even depression are among the feelings most reported by Brazilians living in Brazil or abroad.
With each passing day it seems that our tools for dealing with stressors are dying out more quickly. We live in unique and exceptional times. The world no longer works the way we knew it, and our coping tools are no longer enough.
Depression: much more than a sadness
The depression affects 322 million people worldwide, according to figures released by the WHO . In Brazil alone, depression affects 11.5 million people and is far from being just “crisezinha”, “freshness” or “lack of God”. Depression is an experience of great suffering, both physical and psychological, and like any other disease needs treatment.
According to ICD10 (which describes and gives the official diagnostic guidelines), the main symptoms of depression are:
- Loss of appetite and interest in life,
- Guilt feelings,
- Difficulty concentrating,
- Sleep disorders,
- Decreased sexual desire,
- Difficulty finishing things that started,
- Slowing physical and mental activities,
- Persistent negative thoughts and thoughts about death and suicide.
And these changes almost always compromise personal relationships, social life and professional life.
However, in order to state that a person is depressed, these symptoms must be present most of the day, almost every day, for fifteen days, and cannot improve or be explained by some stressful everyday event such as mourning the loss of a person dear, employment, serious illness, etc.
The experience of being in depression can be highly disabling. The depressed person needs psychotherapeutic accompaniment and, in most cases, medication.
Every loss requires mourning
A wide variety of losses are experienced during life. There is no way to think of a life without losses. What differs one loss from another is the potentiality of the affection that we dedicate throughout life. What is similar is that every loss requires mourning. It is a fact that will be experienced with greater or lesser difficulty.
We must not forget that grief is a healthy and important emotional response to deal with losses. In psychoanalysis we speak of “mourning work”, considering that there is a time necessary for the Self to deal more or less steadily with the consequences of a loss of something or someone invested with affection (FREUD, 1914/2006).
Therefore, when experiencing difficulties or losses, it is necessary to respect the moments of sadness. It is unfair to expect that someone who has received news of a serious illness will not be sad and go through a “low mood” period. In fact, it is exactly this period that will allow everyone to elaborate on the problem and turn it around.
Like losses and mourning, mood swings are part of life and, therefore, will be part of this very unusual and distinctive moment. The social isolation is as intense stressor that is able to function as a trigger for the most different mental suffering, including, anguish, sadness and grief.
We are in mourning for what cannot be
We are in mourning for everything that cannot happen this year, for everything that we cannot experience. We are in mourning for the year that has just begun and soon became uncharacteristically paralyzed. We are mourning the friends and family we don’t see. We are in mourning for the hugs that we cannot give. We are in mourning for the trips and outings we didn’t take. But mainly, we are mourning the false sense of security that we like to captivate: our job is not safe, our family is not safe, our health is not safe.
The Covid-19 is rubbing our face in our finitude and the finite nature of those we love. We are living a period of daily losses and we know that those who do not overcome this disease die sadly alone.
And as if that were not enough, those who remain cannot say goodbye or watch over their dead. Freud says that death cannot be represented in our Unconscious. He says: “In fact, it is impossible to imagine death itself and, whenever we try to do it, we can realize that we are still as spectators” . The disease caused by the new Coronavirus tries to impose the force that we try to represent death. The strength of such an experience can be devastating for the psyche.
It seems that time has stopped to wait for the new Coronavirus to pass. Tomorrow became a big question mark. The “not yet lived” welcomes us every second, imposing and overlapping demands. The discourse that invades, forces us to answer what matters most: employment or life? As if there is a possible answer. As if we could save one or the other.
There is still life around us, and we need to share it!
But how to deal with all this? Sharing life: singing on the balconies, dancing indoors while watching a live of your favorite artist, painting, embroidering, creating, etc.
In an interview, the psychoanalyst Edson de Sousa spoke about the need to search for words that bring a little air to the many closed spaces of life that impose themselves. Words and air. It is what the pandemic consumes for those who get sick or not.
We need the mask not to shut up or suffocate us. We need the mask to be the instrument of life and, precisely, to demonstrate our rebellion against this virus: “here you do not enter!”. We need technology to bring us closer to those that embrace is impossible momentarily, and fill us with words and speeches of confrontation.
We need to talk about what we are experiencing, because what cannot be said is potentially traumatic. And we need to admit to ourselves that we don’t have to be happy all the time. It’s okay to spend days with less motivation. In the current scenario, inadequate are those who deny the seriousness of what we live and insist on trying to live a life as before.
And if you happen to find yourself fitting into the symptoms I described above, seek help. Psychotherapy is not for crazy people . Psychotherapy is for those who want to live better and happier.
