Psychology of One-Sided Love.One-sided love, also known as unrequited love, is a common experience where one person has romantic feelings towards another person.The psychology of one-sided love can be complex and varies from person to person.
Love is a very broad concept that has many different definitions and nuances, and which is placed outside of space and time. It is a universal feeling that, in any of its forms, arises spontaneously. But what happens when love is unrequited ? How does it feel if you love alone? How to understand if it is unrequited love and what to do?
Falling In Love And Unrequited Love: Psychology of One-Sided Love
Unrequited loves have very similar characteristics to each other. In fact , the other is often idealized , painting him with fantastic, special, unique qualities. You live a hypothetical love, real up to a certain point. A love in half, unilateral.
An unhappy and unequal love , which often hurts (think of how it feels, for example, during anniversaries such as Valentine’s Day, if love is not reciprocated). A love that, in literature, has given birth to thousands of works but which, in everyday life, can have unpleasant consequences on our emotions .
Those who are constantly afraid of losing love are convinced that sooner or later they will be left alone, because the other will go elsewhere. This fear can trigger a state of alertness, of hyper-vigilance on those around him, making him look for, for example, the symptoms of falling out of love and other signs that can lead to what he most fears, like a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.
In psychology there is also talk of an ” abandonment pattern “, a way of thinking about oneself within relationships which causes one to live in a state of emotional instability and which can lead to seeking out someone who is in turn unstable and unpredictable, for example a partner who is unwilling to commit seriously or who is already in another relationship (and therefore unavailable).
Or again, that fear of abandonment will make him anticipate, that is, it will suggest him to avoid engaging in serious and deep relationships by assuming a counter-dependent attitude , so as not to run the risk of being able to create an important bond.
Unrequited love: Psychology of One-Sided Love
Suffering from unrequited love means being able to find the strength to get out of it , which is rather difficult, because you find yourself entangled in an unbalanced relationship with an emotional dependence on a partner who escapes our approaches.
Being willing to bear unrequited love up to a real emotional dependence and a ” depression for love “, presupposes having had intrusive parental figures in childhood, absent or unreachable , difficult to reach and, at the same time, extremely needy .
All this creates insecurity , research and attraction towards personalities, at first impact original and seductive, which then turn out to be destructive towards partners who love them, always ready to understand, justify and sacrifice themselves, towards indifferent people and towards an unrequited love.
Because there is a loving couple it is important that there is reciprocity, but what happens when there is unrequited love? We are not reciprocated; what to do?
We must start a transformation process that leads us to an evolution, to new experiences by committing ourselves with energy and using pain, anger or revenge as incentives towards change.
Alberoni writes: ” To cure a disappointed love, to extinguish revenge, another mechanism must come into play: oblivion “ .
Some practical suggestions
You have to start with the simplest and most immediately applicable things. After acknowledging the impossibility of fulfilling one’s dream of love, the courage must be found to break all the ties , small or large, that bind us to the person from whom we are not reciprocated. We must be able to face the situation on the one hand by admitting the facts with honesty and rationality, on the other hand by maintaining the opinion we have of ourselves as intact as possible.
1. Accept reality
We often desperately try to hang on to the situation by creating illusions in our minds that may momentarily lighten the weight of the situation, but will only lead to more pain .
The pain (or wounded pride!) caused by rejection can be so intense that some people search for explanations that only in a few cases may have a basis. For example, we could think that the other person actually has an “emotional block”, or “fear of intimacy”. We might even think we have to “help” her to free her emotions, to express her blocked feelings.
But the first thing to admit to yourself is the truth: the other person doesn’t care . It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t tell us explicitly. If he shows kindness or embarrassment, that’s not a sign of openness. He probably only does it because it’s not easy to give someone else pain. He may have some sense of guilt, or perhaps simply the fear of losing what from his point of view is a beautiful friendship. So first, let’s make the effort to be honest with ourselves , accepting the reality that these are not signs of a possible future opening.
2. Accept a brief moment of discomfort
Let’s not worry if for a few days we tend to look for some sad song or chase after friends. We try not to feel ashamed or self-pity if we feel lonely, weak, emotional, and unable to react quickly. Smothering the pain and all the feelings connected to a situation of love rejection will only confine them to a corner of our conscience from which they will tend to want to escape. And they would do it (as often happens) at the least suitable moment.
For as limited and reasonable a time as possible, let’s therefore give up judging ourselves too severely or negatively, simply trying to lighten our mood as best we can, without being in a hurry to get out of the situation. The opportunities to do so will come very soon, and it is at that time that we must instead be properly resolved
