Probably almost everyone has been through this situation.
You have a huge crush on someone, but you’re afraid to say anything because you don’t want to get hurt.
So when you finally have the courage to confess your feelings, that’s exactly what happens – it hurts!
Rejection really isn’t fun. The more you like someone and the more you build the fantasy relationship in your mind, the harder it is to overcome.
Somehow, you expected him to like you, but now that you know it won’t happen, all you want to do is stay in bed, regretting your pain.
So, the good news is that you can get over it! Look, your pain and suffering is only temporary – in most cases – and all of that suffering is due to factors that are under your control, see?
So in today’s text, I’m going to give you some tips on how to deal with rejection.
We will cover the following topics:
- Rejection is the number one fear among human beings;
- Be rejected in love;
- The various forms of rejection;
- The tendency is to blame yourself;
- Science explains the fear of rejection;
- How to deal with rejection – practical tips;
- Go ahead.
Being rejected in love
It is very difficult to deal with loving rejection.
The suffering that comes with this type of rejection is considerably more difficult than in most other types.
Interestingly, many people tend to love and desire those who are not so passionate about them.
Appearing to be rejected or just the fear of being rejected makes us more passionate about what we cannot have, making us suffer even more. When you realize it is the first time you are being rejected, you may not be able to speak and feel physically ill. Physical and psychological symptoms – such as not being able to sleep, work and concentrate – can persist for several weeks.
Although the intensity of your negative emotions will gradually disappear, you will continue to have good and bad days. Little by little, you will know how to deal with rejection and learn to enjoy your life again and begin to realize other opportunities.
The various forms of rejection
Rejection can occur outside and within relationships.
There are obvious ways, such as refusing a date, or when a boyfriend ends a relationship of many years. Even if you’re the one who breaks up with someone, you can feel rejected if your partner doesn’t fight for you.
But in a relationship, it is also possible to experience all kinds of rejection from the partner.
These less obvious ways can include rejection by sex or intimacy, when a partner constantly chooses the gym or friends. For example, you may be spending a lot of time on social media when you are sitting next to him, or even when he is critical.
The tendency is to blame yourself
Regardless of how rejection may occur, hearing that someone doesn’t want to be with you can make you feel like you’re not good enough.
Then you start to question your own worth ! When we hear ‘no’, we ask ourselves what’s wrong with us. While it is difficult, it is important to try not to take rejection personally, especially within a relationship.
The rejection may have nothing to do with you and be more related to issues like insecurity or fear of the other. Knowing this is one of the first tips on how to deal with rejection.
Science explains fear of rejection
A study from the University of Michigan, USA, found that rejection actually activates the same parts of the brain as physical pain!
This suggests an evolutionary advantage in experiencing rejection as pain, according to Guy Winch, a psychologist and author of How to Heal Your Emotional Wounds – First Aid for Rejection, Guilt, Loneliness, Failure and Low Self-Esteem.
“ This phenomenon is a legacy of our hunter-gatherer past, when we lived in nomadic tribes. When a person could not survive alone without his tribe, rejection served as an early warning system that warned us that we were at risk of being excluded.
Those who experienced it as more painful paid more attention to correcting their behavior than those who did not. Thus, they were able to remain in the tribe and protect their lives (and those of their future descendants). Over many generations, experiencing rejection as painful has had a survival advantage, and our brain has been hooked to that standard response.
How to deal with rejection – practical tips
Below, I have separated some simple tips on how to deal with rejection and start a new stage in your life. Check out!
1. Allow yourself to live the grief
You had your hopes dashed.
Perhaps you have learned that your passion was not mutual or your friend stopped accepting your calls.
This can result in a complicated knot of feelings, and identifying each one can initiate the recovery process.
Accept the fact that you are a human being with emotions and give yourself time to feel what you are feeling.
Sometimes allowing yourself to have these feelings slowly reduces the intensity. Allow yourself to live the mourning!
While hating ourselves is a waste of time, trying to cut or drive away our feelings usually does not serve us when we experience a painful event in our lives.
Thus, it is important to allow ourselves to feel the sadness or anger that arouses us when we feel rejected.
2. Heal your injured ego by raising your self-esteem
In light of this, making a list of positive qualities that you know you already have can restrict negative self-talk after the blow of rejection and helps you recover earlier.
In addition to the psychological, also take care of the outside. Go to a hairdresser, a manicure, buy new clothes, change your look. These small actions boost our high esteem.
3. Don’t look back with pink glasses
When we experience rejection, we are generally more inclined to improve whoever is rejecting us.
In fact, jobs can start to sound better when we don’t get them. Dating can seem more attractive after they don’t call again. And relationships that were difficult or that made us unhappy can start to look great when they end.
So dealing with rejection is much more difficult when we are grieving for something that didn’t really exist in the way we remember.
Generally, when one partner decides to end the relationship, the other person grieves, not just for the relationship, but for the fantasy that he created of being connected to the other. She forgets or ignores the way they fought, the parts that didn’t fit so well with the other person and the qualities she didn’t like about the partner or the relationship.
Your interest is not the only person in the universe
Much pain comes from the fact that you have focused too much on one person.
You put all your emotional eggs in one basket. They may look like they are the ones for you now, but the truth is, they are not.
Look, there are approximately 7 billion people on the planet at the moment you are reading this text, and chances are that at least two or three of them are good for you.
More than likely: there are thousands of people you can fall in love with. Best of all, some of these people can give back!
5. See beyond
I know. It is difficult to see beyond the one person you love at the moment. But love is something we can also cultivate, see?
Look at all the people around you. Try to find something you love about each one, even when you’re not romantically interested. This is a good mental exercise to remind you that the characteristics you are attracted to by your love interest also exist in other people.
In fact, the main thing is to realize that your would-be lover is not the exclusive owner of all the things you find attractive in this world. This is one of the most accurate tips on how to deal with rejection.
6. If your love interest doesn’t love you, then you are not good for each other
Many people like to argue that “we would be perfect for each other!” When they are rejected by someone they love.
The truth is that you are not perfect for each other. If you were, then you would be together. You never really know if you’re “perfect” for someone until you’ve been with them for a while, anyway.
How do you know you wouldn’t be sick after a few weeks? In the fantasies of your mind, you probably built that imaginary relationship that was so perfect and full of unicorns and butterflies, but the truth can be very different from that fantasy.
Therefore, there is no reason to wistfully lament what “could have been”.
. Learn something new, take a trip
Learning a new skill can be challenging.
In addition to the obvious benefits, it helps us heal, keeping us busy and focused. To make things even better, learning a new skill can help you discover new opportunities or meet new people.
In addition, new places are always fun to explore and, like the suggestions above, they divert your attention from negative thoughts and increase the emotion of your life.
8. Avoid a victim mentality
Although it is very important to recognize and feel our true feelings, it is useless to feel victimized by circumstances.
After a rejection, it can be tempting to give in excess to anger or reflect on the circumstances, but this can lead to a victimized mentality, suffering and leave us with the feeling that we don’t have much power. It is important to have a sense of integrity in our actions, even when we feel most hurt and vulnerable.
Although the practice of self – pity is recommended, we must recognize that this is very different from feeling or acting as a victim.
Develop an attractive personality, take care of your self-esteem and learn from mistakes to move on and search for the next relationship in the right way!