When we are in love, reason is clouded, we believe that the person we choose is perfect, full of virtues and strengths, since it has conquered our hearts . But, over the years and living together, little by little we find these defects that we had not seen in the first instance.
Sooner or later, after a period of relationship, certain aspects of the partner’s behavior are identified and seem very familiar and familiar ; it is as if at some moments, within the marriage relationship our parents were.
When your partner tells you something that your parents said, or when he has a similar way of acting or behaving, much like your father or mother, this is not a coincidence, but because, normally, all of us we select a partner following patterns and beliefs that we have ingrained since childhood , that is, we choose them because we idealize them.
So, whether you’ve had a good relationship with your parents or not, your partner is likely to have some characteristics that they have, since people tend to unconsciously look for a partner who looks like their parents .
But is it bad?
Rocío Hernández , director of As Buena Vida, said that the image of parents is decisive in the choice of the couple , because when choosing him we are looking for someone compatible with our beliefs and truth that we learned during childhood, whether good or bad .
For this reason, we must be aware and focus on the positive things we learned during childhood, so that in adulthood and in marriage we avoid suffering alongside a person who has the same defects as our parents. But if you are at the stage where you have already chosen, then you should concentrate on your partner’s virtues and stop worrying about changing him, as it would be a useless effort.
How does it influence?
The education we receive during childhood is the solid foundation that helps us choose a partner ; however, if you had a childhood full of love or not, that will not be enough reason to hold parents responsible when we are wrong in selecting a partner, since we are all different. By this I mean that as much as your partner has some aspects similar to those of your parents, he or she is unique and has its own essence.
Now, we are all looking for a partner who will be our complement, who will help us in some way to satisfy our needs and who will impel us to achieve our dreams. So, if you lived with loving parents, you will look for a couple who can bring you an imitation of the loving relationship that your parents had; but if you have experienced a bad relationship with your parents in your childhood , logically you will try to choose a partner who is the opposite of them.
Whether the experience is good or bad during their childhood, women often try to choose a partner with some common traits or characteristics, such as:
1 Having a family experience
In both situations mentioned above, women focus on finding a man who has a family life of union . That is, that he maintains a good relationship with his parents, siblings and loved ones, as this can guarantee us that, for him, the family is one of the most important things.
2 Be a worker
If in their childhood their parents worked and tried their best to meet their needs, or the opposite happened, in either situation women will generally seek men who are capable of making good decisions , independent, responsible and hardworking. Because these aspects guarantee safety and protection, characteristics that many people want to obtain from their partner.
3 Who knows how to treat with respect
If you had a childhood full of love and could see how your father treated your mother with that love and sweetness second to none, then you are sure to look for someone who behaves in a similar way.
Otherwise, if you have not experienced that love and respect between your parents, you will probably also look for a man who knows how to treat a woman well. However, sometimes, unconsciously, you find the opposite, precisely because of the negative impressions of your childhood.
4 That has values
If your parents have always endeavored to teach you moral values such as humility, respect and love, then you will look for a partner who has these fundamental values that make people trustworthy. For that reason, your marriage and relationship will have honesty, loyalty and loyalty.
But otherwise, if your partner has no values, then his behavior towards you is likely to be selfish and even narcissistic. Therefore, when choosing a partner, we have to avoid such a person completely, as suffering is only guaranteed by your side.
5 That has an emotional balance
If your parents’ emotional balance was questionable, it stands to reason that when choosing a partner, you focus on observing their reactions and attitudes to different situations and contexts, since we all need to be with an emotionally stable person.
In short, all the learning and family life we experience during childhood are decisive aspects for choosing the life partner. Whether their experiences are good or bad, they always try to imitate the good relationship of their parents or to avoid continuing with the negative standards that certainly destroyed their self-esteem, security and confidence completely.