Do you know that old story that weddings today are disposable and that they are no longer like those of yesteryear?
It is clear that comparing the reality of the past with that of the present times is difficult, since customs, relations and social demands were different.
But if there is a truth in this popular saying, which I really perceive in my cycle of friendships and in the stories that people share with me, it is that, today, unlike the unions of other generations, at the slightest sign of problems, the parties give up on marriage, and there is almost no effort to try to recover some points so that the relationship survives the difficult times and for the couple to overcome the marriage in crisis.
Today, we are going to talk about these difficult moments in a crisis marriage that require attention from both parties to make the relationship even stronger, and you will understand that:
- To identify the root of the problem, one must not be afraid to touch the wound;
- It is necessary to verbalize;
- Couple therapy can be a solution for crisis marriage;
- Sincerity is the key to happiness.
So, if you’re going through a crisis marriage , let’s go in parts.
First of all, a warning: make no mistake, problems will come.
They are sure as rain after thunder. Now, who defines whether the storm will cause damage, or will help to sow new seedlings in the dry soil, is you .
How to care for a crisis marriage?
Dive into the problem
The first question I ask anyone who tells me that their marriage is in crisis is whether the person is prepared to plunge into the depths of this sea of uncertainty, relive sorrows, sleeping feelings and bring up everything that is putting at stake the continuity of relationship.
And if you are afraid to take this action, do not feel less strong because of it.
Nobody said it was easy, and yes, it takes a lot of courage to go ahead.
This is because a marriage in crisis does not resolve overnight, nor is there a magic formula for that. During this phase, it will take many dives and ascents to the surface to breathe and catch your breath.
In this continuous process of going to the bottom and coming back, it is good to be prepared to face, face to face, all the issues that will emerge. But this is the secret for you to find, in fact, the reasons why you are not happy in your relationship.
Often, they disguise themselves – and we end up ignoring them – between the day-to-day marathon and the routine .
But, as I always like to remember, once we drown everything we feel inside us and neglect the warning signs of storms, we end up sailing in the open sea and are vulnerable to the storm.
And that’s what we’re going to talk about from now on.
1 – Navigating is necessary, but verbalizing is even more
There is no point in facing the biggest hangovers of a crisis marriage if they are not shared with your partner. That is why I usually say that, as important as delving deeply into the problems that led to the crisis is to verbalize them.
And we are afraid of exposure, this is normal.
Because this type of conversation is not light, pleasant or even laughs like in other times when you lost track of the time when you sat down to chat.
Most of the time, they are the exact opposite of this, but they need to become real to rescue the feeling that unites the couple.
So, so that the conversation does not take a different course from the desired, which is very common when there are hurts and resentments between the couple, prepare for this moment.
And one of the ways to strengthen yourself is by making a list of all the points that you identify as problematic, your feelings and expectations in relation to them and the proposals for change.
These are items that must be present in this list, which will serve as a guide for you to expose everything that is needed.
Believe me: just writing down the words that, until then, were imprisoned inside you, will already provide you with the lightness and security necessary to face this conversation with your partner.
Ideally, your husband is also willing to make the same list.
That way, in the course of the conversation, the two will have the chance to verbalize what they believe is necessary to discuss the marriage in crisis.
Be prepared: it can raise points for which you do not expect or have not realized that they exist.
Therefore, being willing to absorb these issues is the crucial point for the initiative to be successful and not to be reduced to just another moment of exchanges of grief and resentment.
So, when the time comes, let your guard down, strip off any type of armor and be open to talk about the crisis marriage.
2 – How about trying couple therapy?
This is another option for those who want to try to rescue a marriage in crisis, and it can be a choice after all the others have had no effect.
Not that she is the last card of the relationship, quite the contrary.
I know couples who are adept at therapy even when there are no apparent problems, and it is precisely to prevent them from appearing that they allow themselves to sit and talk about the relationship, not on the couch at home, but in the office, with the mediation of a therapist. or twice a month.
This is a step that requires more detachment from both parties, since, if it is difficult to propose dialogue to two, with a third person this mission can be even more intimidating.
But do not be discouraged by this: once the prejudices and fears that postpone the office visit are overcome, the effects of couple therapy can be transforming and help to rescue everything that, one day, brought you and your husband together.
After all, a marriage in crisis is not synonymous with ending, right?
If that were the case, there would be no reason to still call the relationship with the label of marriage.
3 – Sincerity is a duty and right of both
As long as there are efforts by both parties, a marriage in crisis can indeed be rescued.
But for that to happen, regardless of the methods you choose, you need to have a single basic rule, essential for the results to be true and permanent: sincerity .
It must be present at all stages of the process.
At first, you need to be honest with yourself in identifying all the factors that are in need of adjustments in order for the relationship to move forward, and also to recognize, in itself, some points that need to be changed for the same objective .
Then, when the time comes to expose feelings, frustrations and desires for change, it must also be there, and govern the entire script of the conversation.
Without sincerity, all indications of advances that may arise during the rescue process of a crisis marriage end up being too fragile, and tend to break up again.