Low self-esteem in a relationship

low self-esteem in a relationship

The most common misconception regarding low self-esteem is that we think it only affects women who struggle with their weight, are considered less desirable in the beauty department, or come from humble beginnings.

But this is not true.

Low self-esteem affects women from all walks of life. From the most beautiful to the most unconventional beauty, every girl has an area in which she struggles with her self-esteem.

And a lot of times it affects your romantic relationships.

Self-esteem and relationship psychology

Unfortunately, low self-esteem is one of the main reasons women sabotage themselves. Insecurity caused by low self-esteem often leads to issues of jealousy, need, and trust.

Women who have low self-esteem question their worth and worth in the relationship. They don’t believe that they are worthy of love and therefore doubt that they have what it takes to satisfy their partner.

This leads to an imbalance in the relationship, an increased fear of abandonment and can cause arguments.

7 symptoms of low self-esteem in a relationship


A woman with deep insecurity and low self-esteem feels unworthy of her partner’s love in a relationship.

She finds it hard to believe that she is good enough for him and therefore tends to test her man’s love for her. Questions such as “Why do you love me?”, “What do you love me?” become a habit.

She ignores her own worth so much that she constantly tries to find out why her partner would choose her.

No more excuses

If you lack confidence in your relationship, you’ll tend to apologize even if you’re not at fault.

This urge to apologize comes from your assumption that you must be the one to blame because you hold her opinion and reaction in high regard.

It is a pattern of self-defeating behavior that increases your self-doubt, further increasing your insecurity.

Also, if you become the one who always apologizes, it leads to an imbalance of power in the relationship. Because you compromise your personal values ​​and come across as the weaker partner.

To apologize to your partner too much means that you don’t believe in your decisions and actions, and you feel that you have to justify your behavior.


When you are in need, you are in constant need of your partner’s attention and love because you fear losing them at any time.

This leads to clingy behavior when you try to control her every move in a desperate attempt to keep the relationship going.

You become so emotionally dependent on him that you only feel good when you are together, but lost and incomplete when you are apart.

If you lack self-esteem, you will start to build your whole life around it because you don’t know what to do on your own.

However, being in need is a big threat to your relationship as it puts too much of a responsibility on your partner to make your life worth it.


This behavior may seem innocent to most of you, but it’s actually a big indicator of low self-esteem in a relationship.

If you are having trouble making decisions and constantly guessing yourself, this is a telltale sign that you are lacking in self-confidence.

Rather than standing up for your desires and making decisions that reflect them, you fear that your partner will not approve of them. And because you desire to please him, even if it means compromising your own point of view, you cannot decide.

The problem is, when you wait for her approval of your decision, it shows that you believe her feelings and needs are more important than yours.

Don’t set limits

The most important thing you need to do in a relationship is set limits. It means you have to teach your boyfriend how you want to be treated. You must communicate the rules to your love and ask him to obey them.

If you struggle with self-esteem, you will avoid setting those limits because you are afraid it will go away. You’ll deprive yourself of the security you need to thrive in the relationship, which means you put their comfort and happiness before your own.

In return, you will put up with situations that do not serve you.

Unfortunately, if you never speak for yourself, he’ll assume you’re ok with his behavior and keep going. In due course, this will arouse resentment in you and eventually cause tension.

Obsess over being loved

When you’re in a relationship, ideally you want your partner to appreciate your appearance, your character, and your decisions. At the same time, it’s unrealistic to assume that he’ll like whatever you wear, say and do.

A symptom of low self-esteem in a relationship is when you worry so much about being and doing what he loves, that you let go of who you really are.

You change the way you look or don’t change your appearance because you want to be her type, regardless of your desire for self-actualization.

You give up your favorite hobbies, if he doesn’t like them and instead take some of his interests.

If you are constantly obsessed with his love and that of those close to him, it shows that you are not proud of who you are and that you are ready to betray yourself for him.

A bad choice of partners

A very obvious sign that you have low self-esteem is when you put up with men who don’t treat you well. Because you are familiar with feeling insecure, you subconsciously gravitate towards men who make you feel worse.

You are willing to accept disrespectful behavior such as being let down, cheated on, or lied to because you feel lucky that someone chose you.

Even if you are not happy, you settle for a partner who is bad for you because it makes you feel a little better about yourself.

When looking at this list of the different behaviors that develop when you have low self-esteem in a relationship, it’s important to recognize that everyone struggles with low self-esteem from time to time.

Maybe you’ve just come out of a relationship and feel rejected by the other person, or maybe you’ve been single for so long that you compare yourself to your peers.

When life throws these curveballs at you, it is common for your inner critic to pop into your mind with doubts such as “I’m not good enough” and “I’ll never find love”.

However, it becomes a problem when you constantly lack self-esteem. This is when you need to practice increasing your self-esteem without depending on outside factors.

How to overcome low self-esteem

It’s no secret that a confident person will attract another confident person.

But did you know that an insecure woman will often subconsciously attract men who will make her feel even more insecure?

That’s why it’s important to challenge your state of mind and start making positive changes in the way you think about yourself and interact with your partner.

Identify your value

As mentioned throughout this article, low self-esteem stems from a feeling of unworthiness. The only way to feel unworthy of love is by not knowing who you are and what you’re bringing to the table. So the first thing you need to do to fix it is to realize your own worth.

Who are you? What makes you special (every human being is special)? And what do you contribute to the relationship that only you can offer?

Make a list of all your might. From physical characteristics to personality traits to behavior. Everything you put on the list should be characteristics that are unique to you.

So, no academic, professional or superficial achievements. Think about what no one can take away from you.

Positive affirmations

Now that you understand what makes you, you can use these beautiful characteristics to make a statement.

Get into the habit of reminding yourself daily that you are smug, smart, good looking, etc. Or be more specific and tell yourself that you are a very caring and compassionate girlfriend. Anything that makes you feel good.

You will see that this will positively affect your relationship. Because the reason positive affirmations are so useful is that they are a way to tell yourself what you would like to hear from others.

Rather than asking for your man’s approval and reassurance, you make a habit of approving yourself, thus becoming less dependent on outside praise.

Knowing how to be kind to yourself and mastering positive speech is the best way to combat your inner critic, which is the source of your low self-esteem.

Become your own bae

Just like Lizzo sings in “Soulmate”, you must become your own soul mate and learn to love yourself.

Before entering or while in a relationship, it is essential that you make a habit of making yourself happy.

The best way to find out what makes you feel good is to ask yourself what you would like your boyfriend to do for you. Maybe you would like flowers, maybe you would like to go to the movies, maybe you would like to go on vacation.

And then go ahead and do it by yourself. Instead of waiting for him to do you good, take the initiative and feel good without him already.

This will have two effects. On the one hand, you and he will be able to enjoy the relationship more because he is not responsible for your well-being. And second, you will decrease your fear of abandonment, because you know how to be happy on your own.

Communicate with your partner

I know it may surprise some of you, but your boyfriend cannot read your mind. Unless you tell him what makes you anxious and what you need to feel safe in the relationship, he won’t know.

That’s why you need to be bold and tell her honestly if you are having a hard time with something. Let your partner know when a situation makes you anxious or their behavior triggers insecurity in you.

And once you’ve communicated lovingly and non-judgmentally what you think and feel, you need to hold him accountable whenever he ignores your requests.

Overcoming low self-esteem in a relationship isn’t about hiding it from your loved one, it’s about working on it consciously.

Focus on the good

Last but not least, in order to overcome low self-esteem in a relationship, you need to train your mind to see the good in your relationship rather than worrying about the bad.

Choose to trust your partner whenever they assure you of their intentions for the relationship, and dismiss any doubts when they come to mind. Believe him when he says he loves you, finds you beautiful, and enjoys your company.

And whenever challenges arise, don’t jump to conclusions and fear that he will leave you. Instead, ask yourself if you are thinking logically or if you are letting your fear get the better of you.

Remember, the reason you want to overcome low self-esteem is because it can be destructive to your sanity and sabotage your love life.

Therefore, use these tips to boost your self-esteem and relationship stability.

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