Love in the time of menopause. Voices of women

In this article we offer you some stories of women and couple’s life related to the difficulty of talking about the intimate discomforts that can result from menopause and, in particular, from Vulvo Vaginal Atrophy. Their experience can help you to convince yourself that love in the time of menopause can and should be lived peacefully.

Our doctors and specialists collaborated on this article

In this post we will talk about:

  • Carla and the life of a couple that changes with menopause
  • Nicoletta: the passion that cannot end in renunciation
  • Laura, a new love after 55 and the fear of facing intimacy
  • What can be the main problems of love in menopause


The arrival of menopause could change the sphere of intimacy and, consequently, cause some discomfort that could negatively affect the couple’s life . The physiological hormonal deficiency at the end of the fertile life, in fact, could bring with it some intimate problems that could affect your well-being as a woman and, consequently, the relationship with your partner.

This is an eventuality that should not be overlooked: the psychological consequences could result in a sense of shame and inadequacy (in the relationship with the partner), accompanied by stress , nervousness, anxiety , irritability. According to a survey carried out by the epidemiological study “EVA ”, 9 out of 10 women between 45 and 75 years old have to deal with vaginal dryness and pain during intercourse . Yet little is said about it for many reasons that include the reluctance of many women to talk to the gynecologist (mainly out of shame). We have collected some women’s stories for you, different yet similar in many respects, which could help you (if this is your case) to tear the veil of embarrassment and find the courage to tell your discomfort in love.

Carla and the life of a couple that changes with menopause

Carla, 59 years old, married professional for 35 years, tells of her amazement in realizing that the arrival of menopause was changing “something” in the solid and lasting union with her husband . The causes? Vaginal dryness , pain during intercourse and, as a result, decreased desire . Nervousness and irritability , which have been the corollary to this situation, have determined a latent, subtle departure from intimacy with the partner. Carla’s recurring thought was that perhaps it was no longer time to have a physical relationshipwith her husband and that it was normal, in menopause, to go through this change in attitude towards sex.

The gynecologist replies

This is not the right attitude to take: having a normal and satisfying intimate life is a right of every woman, regardless of age . The World Health Organization (WHO) indicates that “sexual health is essential for the well-being of an individual”. Continuing to have intercourse with your partner is important for both vaginal and psychological and couple health . Menopause is physiological , it occurs for all women and is therefore normal, but pain, discomfort and vaginal dryness, accompanied or not by bleeding, must not be neglected.
This is why it is very important to talk to the gynecologist without shame about your ailments and possiblydo not hesitate to ask another professional for a second opinion , perhaps specializing in menopause.

Nicoletta: the passion that cannot end in renunciation

Nicoletta, 66, over 40 at the side of her children’s father, has not lost her desire and would like to continue to have relationships with her partner. Theirs is a story that has never experienced moments of fatigue from a physical point of view and there is still a great feeling. In the post-menopause, Nicoletta has slowly seen annoying and embarrassing discomforts grow that initially prevented her from living her intimacy as usual. So she talked about it with some friendswho gave her various tips: douching, lubricating creams, natural remedies of various kinds which, however, did not help her. Nicoletta, however, is a romantic woman who is still in love but does not want to take refuge in the idea that what binds her to the man with whom she has shared a life can only feed on feeling.

The gynecologist replies

Even if being satisfied can sometimes seem like a measured step, when we talk about a couple who wants to continue to nurture feelings, even through sexuality, we cannot fall into the error of ignoring the signals that the body sends . Nicoletta’s problem, like many women of her age, could be Vulvo Vaginal Atrophy , a very frequent condition in menopause and post-menopause that tends to worsen over time if not properly treated .

This is why it is very important to contact an experienced gynecologist in menopause , the only one who can answer the question “What can I do?”. The home remedies or those recommended by friends, although they may bode well for a solution, are often not only useless but could even prove harmful .

Laura, a new love after 55 and the fear of facing intimacy

Laura, 55, has a relationship that ended in routine behind her . One of those long stories that then, at a certain point, you find yourself observing from the outside, with different eyes, more “mature” and that make you exclaim: “What am I doing here ?!”
Here. This sudden awakening had happened to her on the threshold of menopause , a radical change, external, but above all internal. An inevitable life event that she will never stop blessing for having come to give her another chance to fall in love .

So she met Sergio, when the crisis with her ex was already clear. And already that evening a desire that she no longer remembered had woken up in her: it was her skin that desired him , more than her heart … Too bad that her brain still continued to function fully and order her that no, it was not the choice right to indulge in passion so quickly. But with Sergio she had already agreed to see each other again, for another appointment. And then for another one. Until, after having found the courage to leave “the old road”, it was necessary to find the one to physically get back into the game with an intimacy as desired as it is complicated . In addition to awakening her mind, menopause had also brought her some intimate discomfortsmall losses , itching and, above all, difficulty in achieving pleasure.

The gynecologist replies

Laura had the opportunity to start a new and exciting love story and this gives her an advantage over her peers: her problem is not the lack of desire or the “habit” of a long-term relationship that could make her less interesting or less frequent love. She longs for an intimate and satisfying relationship but is afraid it may be different from what she expects because of her little intimate ailments. What Laura and women like her need to know is that fear brings no solutions.

If you have any doubts that are troubling you, you can contact your gynecologist and speak frankly about your questions and the situation you are experiencing.

What can be the main problems of love in menopause

Behind the difficulty in loving that these women have told us , in fact, there are the uncomfortable consequences that hormonal variations can have both on a physical and psychological level:

  • vaginal dryness
  • intimate itching
  • pain during sexual intercourse
  • vaginal discharge after intercourse

These problems, in addition to making intimacy with your partner more difficult, can make everyday life uncomfortable and therefore also negatively affect well-being and quality of life .


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