Have you ever felt that people just hang up when they are talking to you? Or even worse, at some point in the conversation, do you feel they are uncomfortable? Probably a thousand things go through your head: “Am I really that boring?”, “What can I have said wrong?”, “My conversation must be very uninteresting …”. It may seem strange, but there are small habits that you have in your speech that can ruin good communication and simply alienate the person you are interested in. See in today’s text how to lose the guy with an uninteresting conversation!.
- Recognizing some habits
- Fleas in conversation
- How to lose the guy with an uninteresting conversation
- Tips to make the conversation interesting and not lose the guy
- Habits that need to be changed
- Now it’s your turn!
Recognizing some habits
Have you ever stopped to listen to a recording of your own voice or watched a video in which you appear speaking long sentences? It can be a very interesting and revealing experience. It is the same feeling of being seen through a microscope!
The first time I decided to do this, I was shocked. I saw awkward and irritating habits, which I didn’t even know I had. I wondered how no one had ever warned me about this before. Was it that way that people saw me? The answer is: probably yes. However, no one will have the courage to speak to your face and point out your defects.
Fleas in conversation
Another thing that really caught my attention, listening carefully to my audios and videos, was the annoying habit of repeating words. I lost count of how many times I said the word “then” at the beginning of my sentences. There came a time when I felt physical pain every time I heard the “then”. And that happened with several other words. I decided that no one else had to go through this torment and so I decided to get this flea out of my speech!
How to lose the guy with an uninteresting conversation?
Fleas in speech are just the tip of the iceberg, there are several other habits that can make conversation boring and make you lose the guy who is interested. See some of them:
1. Use phrases to share experience
Common phrases like: “Do you think what happened to you bad? You have to see what happened to me… ”they might even have the intention of sharing an experience, but in reality, they give the impression that you disregard the other person’s message or experience. This can be really discouraging and boring. Suddenly, your conversation partner or audience is put into a defensive mode, instead of listening to what you have to say.
2. Use “fill-in” words
Words like “hum”, “you know” or “so”, “right” are filling words – also called “vocalized pauses” – that we usually repeat due to habit or nervousness. While speaking these phrases does not get in the way of the message, when they are repeated more than six times a minute it makes it difficult for the listener to focus on what you have to say.
3. Pretending to be someone you are not
Likewise, the first rule of great communication is to understand your own style, strengths and weaknesses and adapt to them. Trying to be overly formal when you are not really who you are can seem strange and make the person with you not pay attention to the message. In addition, it makes you pretentious, which increases the chances of losing the guy who is interested.
4. Speak in a monotone
When you speak in the same tone throughout the conversation, you risk losing someone’s attention. It is important to change your speech patterns, especially when you are speaking with groups. Moving from a lively, fast-paced speech pattern to a more relaxed one can help keep a person engaged in conversation. If she hears a lot of the same speech pattern, they can digress, because monotonous speech patterns can be boring.
5. Overcoming the other’s personal space
When you talk to someone it is essential to ensure adequate personal space and not to exceed the limit of the other. Invading personal space can be the reason for you to lose the guy that interests you.
Note: This item is not as simple as it looks. If someone comes up and you pull back abruptly, you can inadvertently send the signal that you are not open to what he has to say. At the same time, if the person is making you uncomfortable, you need to adjust your distance to continue speaking.
6. Ignore interaction
If you’re talking to a person and ignoring the interaction, it can make them feel like you don’t care about their feedback. Such exchanges must include giving and receiving. When there is no opportunity to participate, people can lose interest.
Tips to make the conversation interesting and not lose the guy
1. Ask better questions
Quality questions make you more interesting than anything else. People love to be able to talk about their views and opinions, and the more you give permission to do so, the more they will want to have conversations with you.
On a more personal level, you can ask someone about your history, for example: “When did you realize that you loved being an engineer?”, “What made you decide to move to another country?”. People love to talk about how they got there and how they are now (as well as where they would like to go). So don’t be afraid to dive into your past and future.
2. Read more
A great conversation is essentially two minds interacting, so it’s important to keep your brain fueled with interesting thoughts to share.
There are no shortcuts to this: the best advice is to simply read and learn more. Articles, books, blogs, podcasts, anything that gives you ammunition for a conversation.
3. Show vulnerability and confidence
When you give more in the conversation, you get more back. People often confuse vulnerability with revealing all the sadness and the worst experiences. They assume that it means releasing your weakest side. But this is not the case.
What we need is a confident vulnerability: it means letting go of our ego, being willing to let our guard down and being real. Vulnerability is sharing this story that makes you look less than perfect. It’s just being comfortable with your authentic reaction, or comforting someone, or being okay with your stupid side. The more authentic your emotions are, the more someone will feel connected to you, instead of feeling like they are speaking with a mask you wear in public.
Habits that need to be changed
It may seem like a small thing, but small annoying habits in a conversation can be the reason for you to lose the guy that interests you. That small change can be the key to attracting the person you want.
An irritating habit repeated 100 times can become a defining mark of your communication, all because you never stop for a moment to correct it. It’s a constant job, but now I try to resist the temptation to say “so” every time I want to talk about a new idea. Is it a small attitude? Yes. But these small attitudes add up.
now it’s your turn
Small adjustments that we make over time can have a big effect on our lives. See where you’re going wrong in your conversations, review videos, listen to your audios and be open to change. Smile more when talking to people, especially with the guy you’re interested in, pull your shoulders back so you don’t bend over, allow comfortable breaks, talk at different times to keep you interested… All these changes will improve – and a lot – communicating with people and ensuring that you never have to lose the guy again because of an uninteresting conversation