In many feelings, it is clear that both parties are already in love and are very tired, but one party is unwilling and reluctant to let go. Why is this?
When it comes to breaking up, we seem to pay more attention to the parted party, because the parted party is always associated with words like abandonment, affection, hurt, etc.
In fact, people who break up actively may feel more painful in their hearts.
Because the people who broke up on their own initiative are often the ones who discovered the problem earlier than the people who were broken up. Before they broke up, they had already seen through the flaws in their relationships, and after a long struggle and pain, Disappointed to give up.
After breaking up, they will also be under tremendous psychological pressure, afraid of regret, afraid of doing wrong, afraid of causing too much harm to each other.
Speaking of active breakup, because I received a message from a friend a few days ago, she was the one who broke up actively, but after the breakup, she suffered no less than the other party.
One: I thought I was waiting for marriage
From the age of seventeen to twenty-eight, we have known each other for eleven years and together for eight years. We were originally high school classmates.
Coincidentally, our university went to a school, a semester later, he chased me, after a month, we were together.
From university to the first year after graduation, we have not been separated for five years, until he said the company would transfer him to the South for two years to study two years ago, and things were set, he told me what I can say , Can only say wait for him to come back.
Two years have passed, but he has not returned, but our family members are anxious to put marriage on the agenda.
I asked him when he could come back, and he said wait a minute, and I said that the family had started to urge the marriage, and he didn’t speak any more.
After more than half a year, he came back, I thought he came back to marry me
But he said that he did a good job at work and the company may want him to stay in the South. This time I came back in the hope that I could talk to my family and wait for him for a while.
Two: What is waiting for is 11 years of emotional break
He stayed at home for three days this time. When he left, I told him that I didn’t want to wait anymore and asked him if he could come back earlier?
He said he knew it. Later, after a few months, I asked him when he would come back, and he said wait
I didn’t speak any more, and took the initiative to break up on WeChat, but he didn’t keep it.
Eleven years of feelings, draw an end.
Many friends around me feel that we should be together, including our parents, so that we have been separated for more than a year. He posted a marriage certificate in the circle of friends, and some people came to wish me a happy wedding.
3: Active breakup is actually more painful
In fact, everyone struggles with each other when making important decisions, because your love for each other is true, and what happened between you is reality
But when a person decides to break the reality, pain will naturally occur, so those who actively cause pain will feel more uncomfortable than those who passively endure pain.
Studies have also shown that when people manage a relationship with heart but no results, they often feel that they have made a mistake
On the one hand, I feel that I have chosen the wrong person. On the other hand, I feel that if I did not do well enough, the relationship could not continue.
4: You don’t have to deny yourself if you fail in love
In fact, whether you are breaking up or being broken up, the greatest pain is actually a sense of powerlessness from yourself. You still have feelings for each other, and even love each other deeply, but the reality tells you that you cannot be together together.
Because there are so many problems between you that can’t be solved by loving each other
For example, a long-distance relationship and marriage are far away forever. For example, if you are too tired to live together, falling in love is an easy task, but you find it tired to be with each other and accommodate each other.
You are unhappy, not accommodating to each other, and you are unhappy. It seems that only separation is the most suitable for such feelings.
But what I want to tell you is that although you can’t go to the end, the beauty you experienced in the past is true. You don’t have to forget it, just keep him deep in your memory. Because that is the happiness you all have indeed.
You don’t need to deny yourself or the other party. In many cases, the moment of change is painful, but after the change, you will also reap different happiness.