In short, yes, it is possible. But to understand why, we need to ask ourselves why such doubts arise in the first place.
Love as a feeling is shrouded in myths . For example, there is the idea of a soulmate, which suggests that there is only one person in the world destined for us. There is also the idea of some ideal love, in which you do not pay attention to anyone else. And if you suddenly feel an interest in someone else, then that closeness was not real.
But if we enter the territory of feelings, everything is more complicated. There is no table by which we can determine what true love should be and what it is. This relationship can be assessed by how harmonious and healthy it is, how happy it makes you. And the person feels and names his feelings himself. And the experience of people who love two people tells us: this is possible.
What to do if you love two people
The situation can be of varying levels of difficulty depending on the person’s personal views and the couple they are in. For example, if someone is in a polyamorous relationship and is not worried about it, there will be no problem for them at all.
People who prefer monogamy have it harder. Because they will have to make a choice in any case, and it does not necessarily consist of choosing one of the lovers. It is also possible not to develop either relationship at all or, on the contrary, to go all out. However, the latter is also unlikely to be easy, because infidelity is often accompanied by feelings of guilt, shame and other uncomfortable emotions.
However, there is no instruction manual that would help you find the right way out of a love triangle. So you will have to make a decision on your own. But you can start with these steps.
Sort out your feelings
It may seem simple, but in reality, not everyone has the skill to recognize their emotions. Especially if they are used to suppressing them. Therefore, it is important to answer yourself honestly, what you feel, whether you are in love with both people.
Try to understand the reasons for falling in love
This is especially important for those who have been in one relationship before meeting a second love interest. It is important to understand that feelings do not necessarily arise for specific reasons. But sometimes they can still be identified.
Let’s say that in a long-term relationship, the stage of first falling in love has passed. It implies a certain fusion, when two people stick together like two dumplings, and it seems that it is almost impossible to separate them. But at the next stage, the couple is faced with the realization that they are two different entities, not a single whole. They begin to notice that they are not alike in everything, and find themselves in a situation where they need to reinvent their interactions, get used to each other. This is completely normal, because this is the path to an even healthier, harmonious union. But not everyone is ready for this. And sometimes one partner, feeling a cooling, gets scared and looks for a new love.
Or, for example, a person sat down to rethink his life, realized that something was not right for him. But he was not ready to take responsibility for what was happening, so he decided to blame everything on his partner. And in this situation, he falls in love with literally the first person he meets, because he is looking for a savior. But he does not lose feelings for his current partner.
In general, there could be a lot of reasons and it is important to be honest with yourself when looking for them.
Decide what each partner means to you
Feelings are, of course, good. But relationships are a bit more. Psychologist Stanislav Sambursky suggests answering a few questions:
- What needs do I satisfy in each relationship? Sexual , emotional, intellectual, social?
- What values do I share with each partner? Worldview, life goals, interests, hobbies?
- What prospects do I see in each relationship? Future, family, children, joint plans?
Perhaps the answers to these questions will help you decide what to do next. However, there is a nuance. It may be tempting to shift the responsibility for the unpleasant situation onto one of your loved ones. For example, to start demonizing your long-term partner, to endow him with negative qualities. This helps to dull the shame and guilt a little and to believe that everything was bad in that relationship , you could not help but get closer to someone else. Or, on the contrary, to blame the new lover for invading your life and complicating everything. This can reduce discomfort, but force you to make the wrong decision.
Try to understand your emotions and motives, and weigh the pros and cons of each partner. Don’t be afraid to admit your mistakes and ask for forgiveness if you have offended or deceived someone. Don’t forget about responsibility for your actions and for the feelings of others. And remember that falling in love is not love, but only one of the stages of its development. Love is a deep and long-term feeling that requires respect, trust, compromise and altruism. If you want to build a real and happy relationship, you need to not only fall in love, but also love .