I Love Him But I Can’t Do Long Distance. Learn how to navigate the challenges of loving someone from afar and decide what’s best for your own happiness.Human relationships are a very delicate matter. Some manage to maintain a relationship with a loved one at a distance during forced separation, while others cannot keep it under control when they are nearby. How can you not destroy trust and love if you have to live far away from your other half for some time? A psychologist’s advice will help you find the right solution to this issue.
I Love Him But I Can’t Do Long Distance.
Long-distance relationships are possible for two reasons: when close people cannot be together or do not want to. In the first case, everything is clear. Situations in life can be different, connected both with certain personal, family, and global events.
Why do some people prefer a remote relationship format? There are several reasons:
- Features of the psyche, when it is difficult for a person to be for a long time even near the closest people. He feels awkward, ashamed, guilty, is embarrassed to show his individuality, cannot cope with emotions. Most often, the reasons are rooted in childhood, if the parents did not show the child an example of harmonious interpersonal relationships. In such cases, the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist is usually needed.
- A person strives to satisfy his emotional and sexual needs in the simplest and most accessible way. Communicating on the Internet and messengers, you do not need to leave the house, spend money on dates, etc.
- The person likes to be in an illusory world. He creates his own ideal image and does not want to face the shortcomings of his partner. Convinces himself that he has a wide circle of friends (“I have many friends”, “several beautiful girls are crazy about me”).
Pros and cons
Is there any point in maintaining a long-distance relationship? In fact, this format has not only disadvantages, but also advantages. I will list the main points.
Pros:
- A person has more time for himself. He can be alone whenever he wants.
- There is time to get to know each other better, to learn to listen.
- When people are apart and bored, they often begin to appreciate each other more.
- There is no shared life, no conflicts, the partner’s shortcomings do not manifest themselves so clearly.
- There are more topics for conversation, if only because each partner has news to share.
Cons:
- The first thing that comes to mind is that the partners miss each other.
- No physical contact: kissing, hugging, sex.
- A person does not know what his partner does most of the time. There are more temptations for cheating. Hence, there are more reasons for mistrust.
- Partners can become very unaccustomed to each other, and then they will have to re-establish their life.
- If the relationship initially began online, meeting in person can turn out to be a big disappointment.
When relationships are impossible
There are situations when you have to make a decision and quickly. For example, if a man decides to move to another city or country forever, then he needs to break up with his girlfriend or take her with him if the plans coincide. It is impossible to wait an indefinite time, the terms of separation must be clear. If communication was initially conducted at a distance, then it can also gradually end, without tragedies on both sides.
Another, rather unpleasant option, when a lady has several admirers or a gentleman has a popassy in every port. In this case, there will be simply no point in meeting at a distance and maintaining a relationship.
Practical advice
When you want to keep love at a distance, you need to remember that touching is impossible, which means that all the tenderness and spiritual ardor must be conveyed through looks, gestures, intonations. Psychologists advise:
- trust, and if suspicions arise, ask directly, without humiliating the person by surveillance or speculation; set aside a special time for communication on Skype, when nothing will distract from the conversation, but do not drag out the conversation indefinitely;
- do not overuse printed messages, since it is always more pleasant to hear your beloved voice and feel the tenderness ringing in it;
- don’t be shy about making surprises by ordering a pizza, a bouquet or a cute trinket for your loved one through a delivery service;
- take an interest in the life of your significant other and maintain closeness in any situation;
- avoid omissions, but also do not turn a heart-to-heart conversation into a banal showdown, since it will be very difficult to make peace.
Distance is a great opportunity to add romance and test the strength of a relationship. If love really exists, then distance will not become an insurmountable obstacle for two, but will only bring them even closer and strengthen the emotional connection.