A girl wrote to me: ” I don’t know if I love him , if I continue to have an affair with him”. This is a question that I often get and that we can also turn to men: not if I love it .
Above all, in the email, the girl told me if I could help her because she doesn’t know how to understand it .
And here it occurred to me to write clearly how to understand if I love a person .
Let’s start with a different question: could you tell if you are eating a plate of spaghetti?
Or even then it wouldn’t be easy to tell if you eat it ?
If we think of love as something we happen to feel, something involuntary , random, fortuitous, it is as if love were a disease.
When you have a fever, look for symptoms and find out if your temperature has risen.
No, you didn’t increase it, it’s something that happens to you, not something you do .
Love is not like that.
Love is something you do, love is a choice .
I don’t know if I love him: here are the questions to understand him
Here are some questions that leave no room for doubt:
- Do you forgive any mistakes you make? If you love him, forgive .
- Do you accept and respect his ideas even if you don’t share them? If you love, you accept and respect .
- Do you want him to be happy even if he wasn’t happy with you? If you love, you want the happiness of the other regardless of what you want (to understand better, read this page ).
- Do you dedicate time to this person and live it with joy? If you love, you devote time with enthusiasm .
- Do you think lovingly about this person, focusing on the positive things? If you love, you think with love .
- Do we try to understand this person without ever judging them? If you love you understand and stop judging .
- Do you help her if she needs a hand, support, or support? If you love , you help, you encourage, you support .
- Do you face your problems without making them weigh? If you love you do not put the weight of your problems on the other.
And these are just a few of the many things you do if you love someone.
Wait up.
The key element is missing.
Do you do all these things and ask for nothing in return ?
Not even receiving love in turn?
If you want nothing for what you give, then you are loving .
Consider this: love is a gift.
You don’t get paid to love, what kind of love would it be otherwise?
And how can you consider a gift as something you give only if it is reciprocated?
If I gave you a gift only if you give me something in return, would it be a gift?
Or a sale ?
If you love, you give who you are without asking for anything in return .
And there may be a lot of questions here. For example:
- But if I love only me, what’s the point of the couple? Read this page .
- Me if you give and receive nothing, in the end you do not empty yourself? Read this other page .
- Loving like this is beautiful, but can it work in a couple? Read this page .
- But falling in love doesn’t plan, you don’t choose it, it just happens to you! Ok, this is not a question, but read this page .
Among other things, if you are in doubt about your falling in love, I will show you my test that explains how to understand if you are in love, or in love.
START QUIZ
But there is still one last fundamental step to understand if you really love or not.
Go back to the list of actions I listed earlier. Do you perform them towards everyone ?
Yes, do you accept, respect, do not judge, help, support, forgive, spend time (even a little, quality, not quantity!) With everyone ?
Do you love everyone ?
Yes, because in reality if you don’t love everyone, you’re not really loving anyone.
When I love just someone, a couple of people or so, it’s not really love, it’s interest .
Come on, but only who you think can give you something in return, and so let’s go back to the point before: it becomes a sale, it’s no longer a gift and it’s no longer love.
On this point, which might seem the strangest to understand if you love someone, read this page carefully (and listen carefully to the video) .
So I go back to the girl’s question: I don’t know if I love him, how do I understand him ?
You don’t have to understand it, you have to do it .
Do you want to choose to love him?
If you love him, you will feel love for him .
This reminds me of one of the most significant love phrases I have ever read. But let’s talk about this another time
