Dirty talk, or “dirty talk,” is an erotic phrase that is usually used during sex to increase excitement and passion. But without preparation, even neutral, playful words can sound awkward and embarrass both. To prevent dirty talk from ending in nervous laughter or awkward silence, it is better to start small.
What is dirty talk?
Although dirty talk is called dirty talk, the words themselves do not necessarily have to be crude or vulgar. Sex educator Tara Suwinyattichaiporn identifies several types.
Compliments
A great starting point if you’ve never tried dirty talk before is to start with something simple like, “You look so beautiful.” As time goes on, compliments will become easier, so try something more intimate: “I love the way you moan,” “I love your touch,” “I feel good when you touch me here.”
Memories
Tell your partner about situations that you especially remember. For example: “Remember how you bent me over the bed last week? I loved it.”
Description of what is happening
During sex, you can describe what you are doing right now with your partner or what you are going to do. Such dirty talk does not require much effort, because you do not need to come up with special phrases or scenarios.
Requests and orders
One partner says what to do, and the other one does it. For example: “take off your pants” or “turn over.” Such phrases will also add an element of BDSM to sex.
Suggestive questions
You can ask, “What would you do if I stroked you here?” This way, your partner will also be included in the “game” and will be able to respond to you in the same manner.
How to Stop Being Embarrassed by Dirty Talk
Rehearse alone with yourself
If you find it really hard to talk during sex, Tara Suwinyattichaiporn advises complimenting yourself more often. For example, praising your appearance or sexual skills. “My body is beautiful and sexy” or “I know how to make another person feel good.” The more often you say nice things to yourself, the less shy you will be. Over time, this will help you talk more calmly to your partner in bed.
Talk to your partner in advance
If you want to try dirty talk but are afraid of embarrassing your partner, discuss it beforehand. Then you will worry less during sex and will not discourage anyone. Sexologist Shen Budran advises discussing attractive phrases. What do you and your partner find arousing? What body parts or actions do you want to draw attention to?
Marriage and family therapist Jenn Mann suggests discussing inappropriate language. For example, if you don’t like harsh words or too much frank discussion of what’s going on, it’s better to say it “on the beach.”
Have virtual sex
Try phone sex or sexting if you are embarrassed to talk frankly with your partner in real life. In voice or text messages, you can say words that are difficult to pronounce in person. In addition, this will help you understand in advance which phrases and scenarios excite you more.
Start small
If you immediately start saying unfamiliar and harsh words, you risk embarrassing both yourself and your partner. Try native phrases that sound more natural. According to sexologist Megan Stubbs, it’s better to start a sentence with phrases like “I want” or “I like it when you…” For example: “I want you to kiss my neck.” Once you feel comfortable and confident saying it out loud, you can move on to something more intimate.
Practice dirty talk not only during sex
Flirting and engaging in dirty talk a few hours before sex can be a great prelude . You can whisper something in your partner’s ear in the morning and send flirty texts throughout the day. This will make dirty talk seem more casual.
Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself
Sex educator Stella Harris encourages people not to be afraid to laugh at themselves if they find something really awkward. Taking every embarrassing word too seriously can discourage them from trying again. Dirty talk can feel awkward at first, and if you and your partner both laugh, that’s okay. Maybe you’re just not used to it, and you should try expressing yourself differently.