Whether you’re currently in a relationship or just dating , you’ve probably experienced the bond before and know how the need can ruin your relationship .Being too clingy, controlling, or even jealous seriously turns a man away and makes him question your self-confidence.The craving shows that there is a lack of self-esteem and reduces your chances of finding love in the first place, as this often leads to self-sabotaging behavior.
It communicates that you don’t believe that you are worthy of love and therefore need constant reassurance from your man.Unfortunately, this behavior will weigh down the relationship in the long run, because of the pressure you put on it to validate you.And ultimately lead to a breakup.
What if you think now, “Oh no, I acted in need and desperate now what ?!”. Then you have come to the right place.In this article, I want to share some simple tips on how to stop being a clingy girlfriend, which will not only improve your romantic relationships, but also your sense of yourself.
But before we dive in, let’s first explore what the need looks like and how it manifests in your behavior.
Signs of a clingy girlfriend
As mentioned above, the urge often manifests itself in behaviors that indicate a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence.When you are in need, you feel like nothing your boyfriend says or does satisfies your thirst for attention, approval, and love. Despite his words and actions, you still find yourself anxious and constantly doubt his love for you.
Some of the signs of sticky behavior include:
- You chase it
- You don’t give him space
- You control his every move
- You worry about his departure
- You constantly need his comfort
- You give up your own life for the relationship
- Your self-esteem depends on your relationship
- You don’t feel safe because of the other women in his life
Do these behaviors sound familiar to you?
If you constantly feel jealous or anxious in your romantic relationship, you may actually suffer from an anxious attachment style , a fear of abandonment that is often rooted in your early childhood experiences or romantic experiences.
In one of my favorite books, Insecure in Love , you’ll learn how to overcome attachment anxiety using a technique that helps you recognize negative thoughts and get to the root of your insecurities.
I have recommended this book to many of my clients and it has helped them cultivate secure and healthy relationships with their boyfriends.
But before you go for a copy of Insecure in Love , I want to share three powerful steps you can take today to stop being needy and desperate in a relationship.
These steps will show you how to stop being a clingy girlfriend and how to relax in a relationship instead.
How to stop being a clingy girlfriend
1. Analyze your deep fear
I truly believe that most of our behavior is either inspired by faith or controlled by fear. And the need, the grip and the desperation are rooted in the fear of abandonment.
The reason you find yourself chasing a man is fear. And more precisely for fear of abandonment which is a form of anguish.
Abandonment issues often appear in our lifetimes due to childhood hurts or past experiences.
When you go through the loss of a loved one, maybe as a child, maybe in your past relationship, it has such an impact on your subconscious mind that you build different responses and patterns of how. you get attached to men in your romantic relationships as adults.
One of the answers your subconscious now believes is: I am not good enough for that person who is triggering unhealthy behavior to have to hold on to them.
And every time you do something out of fear, it’s misalignment and ultimately leads to more anxiety and more exhaustion.
2. Develop a coping mechanism
A coping mechanism is a strategy you can use whenever you’re stressed out or anxious that you’re not good enough for a man to want to stay.
One strategy I share with my clients in “Become The One” is to tackle this fear of abandonment at the root, without turning to someone outside of you for security.
So, if you are currently seeing someone and you may feel anxious every time they walk away, I want you to do the following:
- Start paying attention when trying to control it
- Ask yourself, “What do I need him to feel more secure?”
- Find a way to meet this need
here is an example
- Can’t wait for him not to text / call you back
- I need attention (consistent calls and texts)
- schedule calls or hangouts with friends / family
This exercise will help you calm down and deal with the emotion of anxiety and fear that arises with the urge.
3. Refram your thinking
One of the most critical sayings I teach my coaching clients is a quote from Jen Sincero:
Your thoughts inspire emotions that inspire actions that shape your reality.
What does it mean?
This means that before you decided to call and text your boyfriend multiple times or introduce yourself to his boy’s night out, you had a million thoughts that triggered emotions that inspired those needy actions.
That’s why it’s crucial to learn to reframe your thoughts and talk to yourself about the many “what ifs” that appear whenever you’re anxious.
Instead of giving in to negative thoughts, grab a pen and paper and start collecting evidence why those thoughts are not true.
If you are worried that he has lost interest, remember that he called you earlier today and said “I miss you” or “I love you” at the end.
The point is to become aware of how your insecurities are sabotaging your thinking and to decide to no longer empower them.
It’s an important mindset that I practice with my coaching clients every week. In my private coaching program, I teach you to control your clingy behavior and identify your fear so that you can transform your romantic relationship for the better.