Learn expert tips on how to prepare for a declaration of love, including understanding your feelings, assessing your relationship.
Confessing your feelings is quite a challenge, especially if you are not 100% sure that it is reciprocated. It is not surprising if you are terribly nervous and cannot make up your mind. Gather up your courage, take a deep breath and listen to the advice of psychologists on how to confess your love carefully for yourself and the other person.
How to Prepare for a Declaration of Love
Figure out what you really feel
Before you tell someone about your feelings, make sure they are serious. What if it’s just a temporary crush that will disappear in a week? To figure this out, psychiatrist and family psychologist Gary Brown advises asking yourself: are you just having fun and spending time comfortably with this person or do you really want to build a relationship with them? Try to think about whether you see a future together as you imagine it.
Choose your moment wisely
Don’t confess your love after a couple of dates. Give yourself time to be with the person, get to know them, get to know their personality. Otherwise, you risk rushing and hurting yourself and the other person.
It is also worth considering external circumstances. For example, if one of you is still recovering from a difficult breakup . In this case, it is better to first heal the emotional wounds so as not to accidentally bring them into a new relationship.
Don’t set yourself up for negativity in advance
It’s normal to feel nervous about coming out. It’s a tough decision to make, but don’t imagine a terrible outcome in advance. In a 2022 study , Italian researchers found that optimism levels were linked to feelings of courage. Try not to stress or dwell on dark scenarios. That will only make you more nervous. Instead, write down your successes and strengths in a journal to give yourself confidence. Imagine what the best outcome of your confession would look like. Positive thinking can give you a little extra courage.
Choose a comfortable method
If you do decide to confess, think about how you want to do it. Clinical psychologist Frankie Bashan reassures : Some people really do have a hard time talking about their feelings in person. The romantic, staring confession is a beautiful movie trope, but if you find it easier to confess in writing, that’s okay, too. You’ll be able to articulate your confession clearly, and the other person will have more time to gather their thoughts, process what they heard, and respond.
Personal confession, says Gary Brown, has its advantages. You will immediately see the person’s reaction and get an honest answer. However, your beloved may fall into a stupor or react differently than you expected. You should be prepared for this.
In short, it is better to choose the method that is comfortable, rather than the generally accepted one.
Don’t refuse support
Share your intentions with your loved ones and ask them to support you. Let them remind you of your strengths and tell you why they love you. An outside perspective will help you feel more confident before meeting the person you like face to face.
Take care of yourself
Prepare what you want to say to give you courage. Family therapist Beverly Andre suggests writing it down on paper and practicing in front of a mirror. If you feel comfortable, ask friends to listen to you. When you go to the meeting where you plan to confess, wear clothes that make you feel good and put on some uplifting music on the way.
Set a deadline
Even after you’ve thought everything through to the last detail, it can be hard to decide to have the conversation. Dating coach Erica Ettin advises setting a deadline for yourself when you’ll confess. Pick a date on the calendar when you’ll definitely do it. Don’t put it off or reschedule, or you’ll only get more nervous.
Don’t drink “for courage”
Sometimes alcohol relaxes, so it seems that having a glass of wine will make it easier to decide to talk. However, psychologist Ken Page does not recommend doing this. Being sober, you will express your thoughts better. In addition, your partner may not take your words seriously and attribute everything to intoxication.
How to behave during the confession process
Lay down some straw
A sudden, out-of-the-blue confession can catch your crush off guard. Frankie Bashan recommends softening the conversation a bit. You can say, “I’m going to say something that might surprise you, but you don’t have to answer right away.” This shows the person that you’re thinking about their feelings, too, and that you have no expectations for their reaction.
Sexologist Heather Shannon advises to first explain to the person why you like him. Tell him what you value in him, what features attract you. This way you will win over your beloved and let him know that you really care about him.
Be clear in your intentions
Don’t hint at things, as this will only confuse both you and the other person. For example, if you simply ask to meet, the person may not recognize this as a romantic move. It’s better to be completely open about your feelings and intentions. If you want to ask someone out, say so. If you want a relationship with someone, ask if they are considering this option. Don’t expect your partner to figure everything out for you.
What to do after a declaration of love
The conversation can end in different ways. In the first case, the person may not reciprocate your feelings. Try to respect their feelings. If you want, thank them for their honesty. Together, you can decide what to do next. Will you maintain communication? Or would you feel more comfortable moving away? Discuss options that are suitable for each other so that no one feels awkward.
Remember that rejection doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It doesn’t make you a bad person. But rejection is still hard to hear. Give yourself time to feel sad if you want to. Don’t turn down help from your friends; ask them to listen and support you.
In the second case, your feelings will be mutual. Then Gary Brown advises to discuss how your relationship will change. Maybe you will want to see each other more often, go on a date, or become a couple.