You have recently met him, you went out together, everything is going great and suddenly you can’t help but imagine what your life will be like together: in the mirror of your wishes there is another you with a wedding veil, children in tow a family car ready for your new life. It matters little if you still know very little about him.
The same happened at the last job interview; it seemed like the perfect place for you and the chat with the one who would become your boss was very convincing, you immediately aimed at it because it was (or did it seem?) what you were waiting for so long. This is the problem. How many times with your mind do you run too much?
Let go of the grip. When you leave all expectations then you create the space to accommodate what you were looking for.
That inner place where you remain available for every possibility.
That present where there are no more definitions, needs and judgments.
Where every intention immediately becomes reality.
Daniel Lumera
Expectation kills the present
It is not easy, because the mind is racing . Especially when something beautiful is starting, we often can’t help but throw the stone further. The thought of what it will be like plays with our imagination and tickles desire. It happens to everyone to fantasize; get lost with your head in the clouds and build castles in the air. But the problem arises when our fantasies take over and end up occupying all the time and space of the mind. The consequences can be very dangerous.
When we have expectations of someone or something we immediately behave differently , have you ever noticed? Suddenly what you say and your actions no longer have the same naturalness: it happens because we stop being free. Inside the computer of our mind a hidden program has been activated and we, consciously or unconsciously, try to force things towards their realization . Is it possible to defuse our head? Yes, but you will need to train. It’s a bit like changing directions: we need to break the mental habit and turn our gaze in new directions.
Expectations in the family: the memories of your childhood
Who was really important to you in life? How were you treated in the family and by your parents? What was the relationship with the school? Take a few days to reflect and try to listen to the voice of your heart. Sometimes behind too high expectations of others there is a great hunger for love . Those who live by expectations are often used to feeling under pressure from an early age. What kind of expectations did your parents have towards you and towards the things important to survival? We cannot change our history, but we can observe where we come from . It will be a way to identify mechanisms that you have been using for years without even realizing it
The person in front of you could become your best friend or the right boyfriend… Or not. But even if he does, know that he won’t be the prince charming you imagined as a child. The images of our mind are projections of the values we have absorbed, a lethal mix of desires and false needs : with more conviction we have cultivated them for years, the greater the effort it will be to eradicate their strong roots. Yet you will have to do it, otherwise you risk investing in the wrong ratios or getting trapped by the bubble created by your projections. It is very difficult to live alongside those who have high expectations, because the sense of judgment is always lurking there, like a sword of Damocles, and often one ends up succumbing to a role too heavy to carry. So relationships and relationships, affective and work, fall apart quickly, crushed by having to be . Each person is what they are, including you. Accept it and you will live more lightly.
Find your center and stay there
What are my needs? Answering this question with sincerity is the only way to be true to yourself and not be satisfied. Defining your needs in a sincere and authentic way , what you are and what you are looking for, takes you straight to the center of yourself, without ifs and buts. It is useless to justify others, to wait for them to act and to hope that they can meet the intimate needs of the heart : learn to do it yourself.
Start nurturing yourself without waiting for others to do it . Take care of yourself, love yourself … a little more. And learn to take a healthy physical and emotional distance from people and situations that are far from what you feel. Nurturing expectation is putting our happiness in the hands of others : it is time to take back a power that is only ours. You are the person who can make the difference, give yourself the happiness you deserve: build it day by day, water it with inspiration.
Don’t try so hard, the best things happen when you least expect them
ìabriel García Márquez
Live the moment
When we start living in your center we find that others… are fine as they are! They no longer have to match our needs. Suddenly you will find that the pressure eases , the sense of control decreases. Of course, we will continue to get angry, rejoice, hope, let ourselves be carried away by the whirlwind of emotions, but knowing that others are not, they can be the needle of our internal compass . Those you love participate in your emotional life but cannot define it.
Do you notice your mind racing back to tomorrow? Stop it. with kindness Stop! Formulate a different thought, move… With your body and mind. Train yourself to live in the present moment , at the center of yourself and remember to say thank you from the bottom to people and life. For better or for worse others, as they are, are teaching you a lesson from which you can always learn something. It also applies to work: don’t consider starting a new project as if it were forever . You may be the one who wants to change direction.
