The inclusion of children in the nursery or kindergarten is a delicate and often difficult moment for children and parents.
Sometimes children have “tantrums” (what a tantrum they are not), they cry, they don’t want to go to school …
The mother often feels guilty because she is “forced” to leave her child to go to work and these emotions certainly do not help to live peacefully the phase of separation.
But why don’t rational explanations calm your child who doesn’t want to go to nursery or preschool?
Why doesn’t he calm down even if you tell him you have to go to work? And is there a way to make him feel welcomed and to defuse the dreaded “whims” (which whims are not)?
Sometimes there are worries that assail the mother which, if not addressed and dissolved, make the inclusion in the nursery or school a source of tears, tension and nervousness for both.
How to solve them? Find out all in this article.
Why is it difficult to enter the nursery and kindergarten?
To begin with, the mother regrets leaving her child at the nursery or school, it is not easy emotionally to go away to see him crying, to leave him to the teachers …
The many unresolved doubts and fears about the insertion and what will happen to the child in the nursery or kindergarten certainly do not help the phase of separation. For example, it is normal to ask:
- What do i do if my baby criesin the nursery?
- Whenis kindergarten placement done and how do I avoid unexpected events?
- How todeal with the inclusion in kindergarten?
- How long doesthe insertion in the nursery take and how to facilitate it?
- What do I do ifI don’t want to leave him with the educators and teachers?
- How is attachment to mother resolved?
- 2-year kindergarten: yes or no?
Many mothers ask me if it is right to send such small children to the nursery or if it is better not, they ask me how to solve the situation if, out of necessity, they have to send them “by force” and they have no alternatives.
How to make it easy to enter the nursery, kindergarten and how to ensure that the children go safely
First of all, when the moment of insertion arrives, the children are small to leave the family nest and spend many hours with other children.
We already know from the outset that there cannot be the quality of relationship that we could have if a child could be with mum or dad, with grandparents or with a nanny all to himself.
In fact, with a few adults who have to be present as much as possible for all the children throughout the time of the day, indulge the phase of the early years of “it’s all mine!” of each individual child, and following their emotional needs is difficult to achieve with a high quality.
Unfortunately, however, today the nest is often a necessity, so the possibility of having these structures available is welcome.
Sending the baby to the nursery is not a problem when you mom know that in those hours of the day it is likely that all your child’s needs will not be 100% met.
So how can it be remedied and how to avoid a difficult insertion for everyone?
1. Prevent and play early
The best time is, for example, at home in the evening and / or at the weekend.
Your son when entering the nursery or school will need more attention , to be welcomed by most , to be more pampered or very often get to have the opportunity to release tension accumulated during the day doing some “whim”, saying some no, crying, refusing to eat …
The important thing is to know that the motivation could come from this daily posting.
If you welcome your child, you do not reproach him, but you simply welcome him and allow him to let off steam, you pamper him a lot, you try to anticipate his needs , then you automatically manage to satisfy that little hole that was created with the detachment and allow him to situation does not become intolerable or difficult to manage.
If you want to learn more about how to manage children’s “whims”, you can also read the article: Bimbiveri guide to whims.
2. Avoid explanations: Your child doesn’t understand them and doesn’t help calm them down
In addition to this, once you become aware of the fact that your baby has to go to the nursery and you find yourself crying with him every morning, I invite you to avoid giving explanations.
It is what instinctively comes to us spontaneously, our baby cries and we:
“Come on, mom come back soon, don’t do that. Look there is the teacher. How beautiful this game is! Look what friends have arrived! Oh come on, then yesterday you had fun, that the teacher told me that then you stopped crying … “
Such a small child is unable to understand rational motives.
The ideal is to anticipate his reaction by welcoming his emotion and making him feel understood . Don’t be afraid to hold it and say:
“Oooh this baby is crying. Eh you’re right, love, you don’t want to go. It’s bad to be without mom, you don’t like it, do you? Cry love, let it out, mom comes back soon, she comes to get you and we play together, but now cry if you feel like crying. I know it’s a difficult time for you ” .
This will help him feel understood and when he stops crying, he’ll let out, bring out everything inside of him, and then he’ll start playing.
This is good because crying is always an important outlet for babies.
3. How is the mother and how does she feel about the insertion of her child?
In addition to these tips, there is a third much more important than the first two:
the age in which your child goes to the nursery is a very early age, an age in which inevitably his feelings and emotions are still in complete and total harmony / symbiosis with the feelings and emotions of his mother.
So, sometimes, when young children have an attitude whereby they vent emotional tensions, cry, rebel, have “tantrums”, do not sleep, do not eat, the ideal is always for the mother to ask herself how she feels, for example:
“How do I feel and how am I living this moment of insertion and change?”
It is possible that the baby absorbs our emotions and tries, in some way, to express them with crying. That’s why it’s worth the joy to stop and try to look at what’s inside of us.
If this is your case, I invite you to take a space of time to ask yourself :
- “How do I feel knowing that I have to send my child to kindergarten?
- Do I want or do I not want?
- It is a necessity but would I rather keep it at home?
- Do I suffer so much to see him cry?
- Is it me that inside of me, if I could, would cry because I don’t want to leave him at the nest? “
Or here are other examples that may concern you:
“I don’t want to go to work because I don’t like the job I do? It went well during the period of breastfeeding, during the period of motherhood, now I have to go back but for me it is a tragedy because I do not like what I do. “
“What if the kindergarten teachers aren’t good enough? What if he misses me or if I miss him? But if the teachers of the nursery school do not know him and do not know how to satisfy his needs, do they not know how to understand him how can I understand him? If it was too much time away from home? … “
These are often the reasons that could remain latent in you, that you do not allow yourself to try and that could make the insertion difficult for you to deal with.
In this case it is important to take an evening space calmly, take a pen and paper and feel free to write on a piece of paper all these emotions you are feeling, without judging yourself, but rather leaving free rein to this inner part of yours that still suffers, which has difficulties, which has deep emotions to express.
This will help you first in finding the real reason for the problem. And, above all, the fact of being able to download these motivations without judgment will make you more serene, calmer and consequently also make your child calmer.
4. One last small practical suggestion to facilitate the inclusion in the nursery or kindergarten
Leave an object of yours in your baby’s backpack and you take something of his. Maybe the bib from the night before, a shirt to wash that still has its scent.
Carry it with you during the day, during your work and you will see that it will be useful for not missing it too much.
And then do everything to make up for lost time : the more you pay attention to him in the evening, during the weekend, the easier it will be to avoid feeling guilty because you leave him alone for so many hours 😊
To learn more about this topic, you can read: Quality time with children: here are 4 ways to guarantee it
I hope these tips will help you to better enjoy the delicate phase of introducing your child to the nursery or kindergarten.