Many women do not talk about it out of shame and embarrassment but in menopause the decrease in desire is quite frequent: there is no need to pretend nothing has happened and hope that it will pass, at stake are their own serenity and that of the couple. Here’s what you can do to rekindle love.
It happens more than I do not say that the menopause “turn off” the intimate life .
Prejudices, shame, embarrassment often silence this problem that can undermine the serenity of the couple but also the individual one of the woman , already emotionally involved in the delicate passage towards the end of the fertile life.
Yes, you got it right, in this article we are talking about a decrease in desire . If the topic interests you and you are not willing to “file” the question, but you want to know more because you care about your inner balance and your life as a couple, read this article: we are going to tell you everything you need to know to help you make the first move: make an appointment with your gynecologist .
Drop in desire, what is it
You lose interest in intimacy with your partner , you no longer have that emotional and sensual “input” towards him, whenever you think you can take some time to be together “retreat” because the matter does not interest you how there should or there is always another one that seems more urgent at the moment : sleep, tidy up, work.
let’s try to understand why you no longer have the urge . Intimacy is a subject that is always postponed or even (you know it deep inside) closed.
Otherwise, if by character you are inclined to blame yourself and then immolate yourself, you force yourself to play a role that you feel no longer belongs to you.
The desire decline can arise in the head and body together.
For the avoidance of doubt, we specify that we speak of a decrease in desire when you decide (more or less consciously) in your psyche to “throw in the towel” because you no longer have an interest in an active intimate life .
You are therefore in the presence of an alteration of the sexual impulse that is prolonged over time (so much so as to have repercussions both on your individual well-being and on that of the couple).
Decreased desire in menopause: why does it happen?
Why is it just when you are freer from family commitments and the children have grown up , you find yourself at home living together as boyfriends again, suddenly you lose interest in intimate life ?
The culprits are, in part, the “dancing” hormones that, since you noticed the first signs of menopause , keep you a bit “in check”.
Did you notice this “strange” situation compared to before when:
- menstruation has become irregular (due to the hormonal alterations typical of peri menopause )
- the typical and known ailments have begun: swelling, hot flashes , night sweats .
- Your mood goes up and down, and when it’s down it makes you feel really bad
- You tend to gain weight and don’t eat more than before
- You experience vaginal dryness , therefore poor elasticity of the tissues, itching and intimate burning . Conditions that are far from favorable for an active and happy intimate life .
Loss of desire: physiology or psyche?
So far we have explained to you how hormonal imbalances related to menopause affect the body.
But since desire arises in a healthy body , this “deficit” can be linked to the functional impediments we have listed.
But much of the decline in desire has a psychological origin . Many women who have lost interest in intimacy repeat that it is “because I am caught up in other thoughts”. It happens because mood swings, nervousness, irritability, sadness and melancholy can be a corollary of menopause and “envelop” the mind with negative thoughts, which make it anything but inclined to lightheartedness and fun .
Again this time the question depends on hormones, in particular on progesterone , responsible, among other things, for stimulating testosterone (the hormone of desire). When the level of the first drops, that of the second also drops.
Another aspect can be decisive for the loss of interest in love: the shame for the changing body , for that enlarged waistline, for the swellings that transform the legs. It goes without saying that if you don’t feel beautiful it is difficult to have a good relationship with your body and, consequently, to live its physicality without taboos.
How to increase desire in menopause
Menopause should not be suffered : do not be ashamed and face the issue openly without embarrassment.
Continuing to pretend nothing happened (or, worse, pretend when you are with your partner) hoping to regain interest in love is useless. Things will get better if you work hard to restore “order” inside and outside of you:
- contact your gynecologist to manage those ailments that can represent a functional obstacle to the desire to love. In any case, whether you are more or less interested in the life of a couple, you must consult your doctor: the risk, in fact, is that vaginal dryness , itching and intimate burns are not only the effect of hormonal imbalances related to menopause but symptoms of pathological conditions, such as Vulvo Vaginal Atrophy which has dyspareunia as its most frequent corollary , or pain during intercourse for 1 in 2 postmenopausal women .. However, you should not “throw in the towel” but contact your gynecologist to find together with the treatment that best suits your needs.
- it could be useful to have your partner accompany you to the gynecologist : a couple interview as well as helping the specialist to understand what could be the impediments to a happy intimate life , it can also be useful to regain harmony and trust
- find balance by dedicating time to your well-being : learn to delegate, take breaks, sign up for a creative course, practice yoga or meditation . You need to relax the body (essential for finding pleasure under the sheets) but also the mind and to reconnect to your deepest self.
- If the problem arises in the head because you do not accept yourself, because your “new” body is burdened, take care of your diet , then if you think you need to lose weight then contact a nutritionist
- rediscover the desire to feel beautiful and desirable also by renewing your wardrobe and changing your look: you can (and must) be beautiful at any age.