Parenting can be the most fulfilling feeling and, a moment later, if something unexpected happens, the most frustrating and difficult. Much depends on the type of relationship established between parent and child. If she is healthy, the child will have a better chance of success in his life , will be able to build positive relationships and will be able to manage emotions [1].
Several studies have shown that the best way to raise “successful” children is to be authoritative [2] and non-authoritarian parents , neither permissive nor negligent. And a good relationship is based on mutual trust, a sense of security and the possibility of dialogue.
But how to do it? Theory is always easier than practice. In this article, however, you will find tips to put into practice in daily life.
Because basically to build a good relationship with your children you also need a practical approach.
Here are 8 daily gestures to improve the parent-child relationship
1) Hug your child every day
Family therapist Virginia Satir [3] said that it takes 4 hugs a day to survive, 8 to support us, 12 to grow. If you really don’t want to count the 12 daily hugs, remember to do it as often as possible, especially in the morning when you wake up and in the evening before going to bed. A hug also has positive effects on your baby’s physical and psychological development . Growing up he might get embarrassed, respect him, but make sure he understands that it’s nothing more than a sign of love. [4]
2) Play with them
Playing with your child or your children means going back to being a child in turn: it is allowed and indeed it is right to put yourself at their level . Your child will see your involvement in their games as a form of cooperation. Even when a child grows up and the games change, don’t lose this habit, try playing his favorite video game for example. A parent doesn’t have to be serious all the time. There can and must be moments of lightness.
3) Build individual interactions
Turn off the television, put down your smartphone and dedicate yourself to your child completely. Not just to play, but also to talk. Especially if you have a teenage child, verbal confrontation is essential to create a sense of trust. As a parent, remember that it is important to experience moments as a family, but also as a mother or father and child. Take some time just for the two of you. And if you have more children, it is important that you do it with each of them, finding the right formula based on their characters.
4) Tell him you love him
Feeling loved unconditionally helps you grow strong, confident, and open towards other people. In addition to demonstrating it with gestures, however, it is important that children learn to express feelings also with words . Even when they grow up and even when they are teenagers, without breaking down their barriers, don’t stop letting them know they are loved, whatever they do.
5) Establish and maintain rituals
Accustoming children to repeated actions will lead them to have greater respect for you and for the other people they will meet in life, but above all they make them feel safe : whatever happens will have a point of reference, something to return to. When a child is small, a very effective ritual is the time for fairy tales before bedtime. As you grow up, you can set up a day of the week for an activity to do together or even let them do it alone.
6) Teach him about spirituality
Whatever your belief, even if you are an atheist, it is important to convey to your child the existence of a spiritual dimension in each person, to be built over the years according to their values. If when your child is small it is easier to do it through daily gestures, once they grow up you can tell them what you believe in and why. Let me ask you questions and always answer truthfully. Regarding the pedagogy of interiority, the lesson of Maria Montessori is important. She sustained the importance of the interior life of every child so that he grows up responsible and aware of his role in the world. To deepen, there are several possible readings. Here are some of them:
– God and the child and other unpublished writings – Maria Montessori;
– Care of the soul. Profiles of a pedagogy of the self – Antonio Bellingreri;
– Open Religion – Aldo Capitini.
7) Respect their tastes
The rules you choose to impose on your child must serve to limit harmful behavior towards them and others. There must be no prohibitions, however, which limit its character and growth. Especially when he grows up, let him express his character , inclinations and interests.
8) Dinner with him
Meals are a key time for building a good parent-child relationship. Make sure that your family always eats together whenever possible, both for lunch and dinner, and that these are moments to tell each other about the day and to discuss. Try as much as possible to leave the television off . If you just can’t do without it when you’re tired, make sure you follow age-appropriate programs for your kids.
Safety
To help raise your child and have a good relationship, they need to feel safe and secure. Sure of having a person always present and loyal whatever happens, but safe even in the more material sense of the term. Let him know that as a parent you are thinking or have also thought about his future , not just the immediate present. From an educational point of view he will learn the importance of having goals in life and to try – as far as possible – to have control of possible complicated situations, from the emotional one he will always be grateful to you.
