How to get closer to colleagues at a new job?

Learn expert tips on how to establish strong relationships with your new colleagues and create a positive work environment.

In any new relationship, it is important to behave in a way that is most natural for you. This way, you will not create a false impression of yourself. If you are an introvert, you do not have to run and meet everyone and throw a party. Behave naturally and in a way that is comfortable for you. 

If you still want to get to know your colleagues better, then a good way is to first simply say hello to those you see regularly and constantly. Gradually, you can initiate small conversations, ask about news, mood, affairs. This way, you will be able to feel which of your colleagues you feel more comfortable communicating with. Afterwards, you can offer, for example, to have lunch together and tell a little about yourself, ask the other person about their interests. In this case, you will inevitably start a dialogue with at least someone.

The adaptation process in a new team can be accelerated. For example, small talk at the coffee machine helps to make acquaintances. You can greet your colleagues every day with the phrase “good morning!” Surprisingly, this is very inviting. 

You can also ask your colleagues to show you where they have lunch and ask if you can join them. As a rule, employees do not refuse to help a newcomer. They will be happy to show you where the printer, water cooler or rest room is. For you, this is an opportunity to get to know each other better. 

What you can do if you work remotely: 

Be active in chats. Often people write there not only about work, but also joke, share some funny situations. Participate in these discussions or at least send stickers and reactions in response.

Share useful information. If you found interesting material and it may be useful to someone, send it with the comment “Maybe it will be useful”.

Ask for help or ask your colleagues to fill you in on the situation. For example, if someone hands you a task, suggest calling to discuss it. At the same time, you can learn more about your colleagues and their work. What advice can they give you? How long have they been working here? In essence, this is the same small talk at the coffee machine.

Participate in events. Remote teams often hold various calls to bring employees together. Participate in them, ask questions, and be active. This will help you get closer to the team and show yourself. 

Is it possible to be friends with colleagues and invite them somewhere after work?

Friendship can affect work if people cannot switch between different roles in communication with the same person. For example, a colleague expects special loyalty and a permissive attitude from a friend. In addition, the personal context can interfere with professional rigor and objectivity. Few people manage to successfully combine friendly and work relationships.

To ensure that friendship does not interfere with work, you need to be able to: 

  • switch from one role to another and not expect a “friendly” attitude at work; 
  • agree with another person that at work you are colleagues and have nothing personal, and only after that – friends.

If both are satisfied with these conditions, there is a chance to build a healthy friendly relationship. 

So it turns out that it is also better to stick to business relations with the manager?

Some managers try to maintain business relationships with employees. This helps them remain objective in work matters. If you notice that your manager avoids common get-togethers and prefers to go home separately, rather than with you, accept his decision.

Many companies have a rule that prohibits close relationships between a manager and a subordinate in principle. It is believed that the relationship between a boss and an employee cannot be equal. After all, the manager has more power and influence, and we cannot be sure that the subordinate’s “reciprocity” is not connected with the fear of losing his job. If colleagues do become close, one of them is asked to move to another department to avoid direct subordination and conflict situations between the participants in the relationship. 

But friendship is still possible if both people are able to distance themselves during work and respect each other’s roles in the company. Emotional maturity, a willingness to listen to each other and not manipulate personal relationships are important here. 

In order for you to feel comfortable, not burn out and not ruin your relationship, it is important to agree at the very beginning on how you will interact and help each other adapt to the new format. It is

very important not to use manipulation: “This is very important to me”, “You know how I will get in trouble for this”, “I am having a really hard time right now, give me a day off”. Remember your roles and bring each other back to a working relationship. For example, when you see that you are being manipulated, you can say: “I understand that you are going through a really difficult period right now, but we work together and I cannot do what you are asking.”

Is it possible not to chip in for gifts and not go to corporate events if I don’t want to?

Of course, yes. Work is not the same as being friends with your colleagues. You can honestly say that you don’t like corporate events and don’t want to participate in collecting gifts. If the birthday boy or girl is a stranger, gently explain that you don’t know this employee and don’t want to participate in creating a gift for him or her. 

Sometimes the problem is that the amount of money that colleagues are collecting for a gift may seem too big. In this case, you can delicately say what exactly makes you uncomfortable. For example: “This amount is significant for me, I can only donate 200 rubles for a gift. Can we consider a more budget-friendly option?” This way, you will state your position, and it will be fair to others.