Remember that to successfully search for the one and only one, you need not only luck, but also work on yourself.
It seems that in today’s crazy world of dating apps, swipes, likes and matches, finding a person with whom you can have a serious, stable relationship has become even more difficult than in the pre-digital era. For example, today you can communicate with a ton of matches in a day, and end up rejecting them all. Well, or be rejected by them all. In previous tube times, such coverage was hardly possible.
On the one hand, it is normal that finding a soul mate is so difficult – after all, everything important and valuable that we do in life requires effort.
However, there is still a difference between a difficult path, at the end of which we find the desired goal, and a painful journey that seems to never end.
If you don’t know how to go on dates so that it ultimately leads to meeting someone who is truly right for you, you will definitely get stuck in this vicious process that brings nothing but heartache, sadness, hopelessness, fatigue, and a pointless waste of time and money. circle. You know that if you endlessly step on the same rake, it’s stupid to expect any other results than a blow to the forehead.
To prevent this from happening, you need to learn a different approach to dating, and understand that meeting your soulmate is not only a matter of chance and luck, but the result of some work on yourself that you need to do before downloading a dating app. Here’s what we’re actually talking about:
1. Decide already who you are and what you are
What kind of person are you, what do you love, what do you hate, what are your needs, how one can behave with you and how not, what are your boundaries and principles, and so on and so forth.
You may think that it will be easier for you to find someone if you pretend to be someone you most likely are not—for example, a good-natured, cheerful, easy-going, carefree, and undemanding person. But this is a big misconception.
Without a strong sense of self, you simply won’t be able to recognize who is right for you and who is absolutely not.
When you don’t understand who you are, when you are so malleable, easily susceptible to foreign influence, literally anyone will suit you, just the first person you meet. And as a result, you will go on dates with completely the wrong people.
And when you clearly know yourself, clarity, confidence, calmness appears, and it becomes easier to understand whether this is your person or not. Moreover, you will be able to determine even at the earliest approaches that a new acquaintance is not suitable for you, and thereby save yourself from unnecessary suffering and disappointment.
2. Be yourself
Since you now understand who you are and what you are, the time has come to demonstrate this individuality of yours to everyone, and you need to start doing this right from the first date. If you mask your true self to be more comfortable, more pleasant, more acceptable, then how will people recognize you?
If you stop hiding, then someone will definitely not like you, and thank God. But the right, suitable person will definitely appreciate you. Give him this chance.
3. Don’t make dating and relationships a cult.
If you are fanatically focused on finding a partner and don’t see anything around, if you think that this is the only thing that will make up the happiness of your whole life, then with such an attitude your mission is most likely impossible – it all smacks too much of despair, hopelessness and, Let’s be honest, it’s crazy.
You need to realize that you are a self-sufficient person living here and now, who, in order to be happy, does not necessarily need the presence of another person nearby.
Therefore, your mission should be to live a full, fulfilling, happy, interesting life, so that you simply do not have enough time to go on three dates a day, spend hours swiping on dating apps, and text for days with a stranger with whom you have never met. met in person.
When you are happy without a partner, the relationship no longer seems like the most important thing in the world. As a result, when you go on a date, you behave naturally, confidently, and relaxed, and this increases the chances that you will eventually meet the right person.
4. Be realistic, not optimistic
If you have met someone and feel emotional discomfort from communicating with this person, you should not continue the relationship in the hope that everything will change for the better. You should make a decision about whether or not to date someone based on what’s happening now, not what you hope will happen next or what you’ve been promised.
Hope is a powerful force that helps us survive in unbearable circumstances. But hope can make you believe in a better future with someone without any realistic basis. When it comes to dating and relationships, good hopes are not what you need. Make choices, make decisions based on reality.
5. Don’t rush things
Don’t try to tell your whole life, dump mountains of information about yourself on your new acquaintance, ask him all his ins and outs, make plans for a future together, and all this right on the first date!
Believe me, none of the information that you tell each other at the first meeting will help you understand how everything will work out between you in the future, but will only create even more tension and anxiety. There is no need to rush things and try to find out the future ahead of time.
Instead of focusing on the present, gradually getting to know the person and building your relationship with him, you delve into your thoughts, trying to understand whether you are right for him, whether he is right for you, based on something he told you.
To build strong, stable relationships, you need to learn to relate normally to the situation of the uncertainty of the future. Everything must develop in accordance with its internal logic. There is no way to jump over three steps, and any attempt to do so usually results in the destruction of the natural, organic process of building relationships.
6. Be clear about your intentions
If you are committed to a serious relationship, and are not looking for casual sex and short-term hobbies, then you need to make this absolutely clear to the person you are dating, so that he does not have unnecessary illusions, hopes and misconceptions. Perhaps you like each other, but he is not ready to take on such responsibility. You can give him time to think, but this time should not last forever.
7. Trust yourself, your feelings and intuition
You shouldn’t ask everyone around you for advice about your personal life. Other people are different people, they feel, think, perceive differently. Only you yourself know what will be best for you, what you should do, what to choose and what decision to make. All the answers are within you.
