Yesterday one very respected person said, or rather said, since it was a woman, – “yes, I remembered you, but in life you are not at all like that (meaning like on Facebook)”. This is a very valuable remark and doubly valuable for me – firstly, it was made by a woman – a high-level specialist in non-verbal communication, and secondly, it allows me to think about what I am like on Facebook and what I am in life – and what is the difference!
Why do I need this difference? Understanding this difference is my success! If you fence yourself off from some unpleasant moments in life, this “allows” you to miss opportunities in life! Yes, thinking, analyzing, straining the brain, drawing conclusions is quite hard work. Any new task, gaining new experience, requires the organism to connect the reserve resources of the whole organism, when all systems are aimed at solving a new task. Remember when you have to solve some difficult problem – you even stop if you were walking! By a new task, I mean a task that is not within the framework of our already established patterns of behavior, this is not something that we reproduce “automatically” – when we go into an apartment and automatically turn on the light. Not everyone can be in such time trouble 24 hours a day. And those who can know some secrets and actively use them in practice. It is not easy to solve a new problem, but the benefits from acquiring a new behavior, from the fact that a person was able to break the usual pattern of behavior, are obvious and can be very, very useful! They can lead you to where you will never get in “armor”! Remember Lake Peipsi?
In psychology, there is the term “armor” – this is such an understanding of a “mask”, “role”, a certain behavior most familiar to a person, from which he once benefited long ago, hid himself and protected himself from some traumatic situation in life. So, think about it and determine – is there a difference between your behavior at home and at work? With acquaintances and those whom you see for the first time in your life? With those with whom it is easy and comfortable to communicate and with those who annoy you, but you have to continue this relationship? The answer is simple and obvious – yes, there is a difference!
But what is the difference? What’s going on that makes your behavior change? More precisely, who is changing – is it you or the environment? – there are many very interesting questions!
So now what is “my Facebook page” – and what does it have to do with success or failure? Yes, everything is very simple – this is such an armor and everyone already perceives it as armor and everyone goes there with their armor too! Such armor-piercing! There you can be “not yourself”, there you can be what you want to see yourself, show others your “best qualities” – again, as YOU think about it! And other people (due to their armor – there is a small embrasure, the window is fogged up, and the night is already in the yard – in general – the review is not very good!) And other people judge you through their own filters! And the number of these filters is off scale! This is neither good nor bad – you just need to understand the features of this information space! The information is distorted and insufficient! And this now leads to the fact that new programs are being produced – first those which allow you to see you where you are at a given moment in time, and now those who can allow others to see you – as if you are alive – on video! What is it for?
55% of the information we receive non-verbally – from the way a person walks, waving his arms, how he looks, we feel his disposition-dislike towards us, his energy – and here huge evolutionary forces are involved – this is based on the mechanism of recognition of OWN OR ANOTHER, which was for many thousands of years (when people lived in small groups, tribes and communities) survival! We get 38% from the audible voice – we perceive its timbre, strength, frequency, unconsciously track what pauses a person makes, all his intonations! And only 7% is the information itself that a person tells us!
And if you read an article – you perceive this information, then you draw your own conclusions, and my task – taking into account all these features of the environment – is still to convey to you what I want to tell you!
It depends on how people perceive us in life – whether we achieve our goals, this determines our success!
My goals, for example, as a psychologist, are to please my potential clients, to make them want to take a 2-hour consultation from me, which costs 5,000 rubles! They must take me for theirs – otherwise “contact” will not be possible, and they must trust me – otherwise they will not come to me to solve their problems – since being without armor in front of a stranger, entrusting their fate in his hands is it is also hard, even harder than solving some new problem – and here, as a rule, as mechanisms work in life – to stop! The body stops literally and figuratively! A new task is a call to a psychologist in order to get a new pattern of behavior, change, change your life. It is not for you to go in and turn on the light with the usual movement of your hand! This is a new task and the body stops to solve it,
Remember, in order to write beautifully at school, many stick out their tongue! Because it’s hard! It is very difficult – all the forces of the body were aimed at learning new things – to combine movements, emotions, thoughts and give it a new (and even beautiful!) Form and evaluate your work! So why does the tongue stick out? – we cease to control the muscles of our face – namely those muscles that allow us to keep our mouths closed – that have been trained since childhood and provide nutrition – the sucking reflex in a baby! This is how difficult it is to learn new things, this is how difficult it is to solve a new problem! And that is why only those who are sick of the unsolvable state of affairs (until the thunder breaks out, the man does not cross himself), only those go to the psychologist (although now it is not so hard and scary, thank God, there is a “fashion” to go to the psychologist!) ) And every person based on their filters, he chooses a therapist for himself – whom he can trust, who hears him correctly, understands, and does exactly what the person wants! But this is a rare and even unique quality!
And here’s what I noticed – my clients in life are not Facebook people! I used to wonder about this, realized that I did not get into my target audience, I thought that there were “bums” on Facebook who had no money – and these are all valuable comments! And in general, everything that we think and say about others is all about ourselves (I myself am sitting there!), Since first of all our attention goes towards our interests. My bread is psychology and I first of all think about the psychological state of a person! If your bread is sale – you will evaluate any person from the point of view – what he can buy from you (if you sell cars – what kind of car he can buy, if phones – then what phone) and your task in this is what?
But everyone has different tasks – someone has a task to sell once and at a higher price, someone – without even having psychological knowledge – to sell in such a way as to tie you to yourself for a long time. And often a person will communicate with you as long as you HAVE money. But each task needs to be completed and we evaluate success / not success from the point of view – have we achieved what we needed? If not, then this is a reason at least – to look at yourself from the outside, stop and think, and best of all – change the pattern of behavior, which is the one that will lead you to the solution of your problem!
