Over time, society has tended to become less and less communal. This has had a serious impact and strong repercussions in various areas, especially in parenting. Not so long ago, parenting was shared between the nuclear and extended family and, in this way, the responsibility was also more bearable .
The mental burden and logistical difficulties that mothers and fathers suffer in their daily lives due to lack of support can have serious consequences on their physical and mental health. If we add to this the fact that they have children with high demands, things can get even more complicated.
Raising difficult children: myth versus reality
The reality is often far from the idyllic image of motherhood that we were sold. Raising children without a community or support network is really difficult. We live in a society in which women are required to always be present in caring for others and, at the same time, not stop performing and producing as they did before .
Although the burden of parenting undoubtedly still falls largely on mothers, fortunately more and more fathers are becoming involved in the process of raising their children. However, this does not make co-parenting as wonderful as it can be exhausting at many other times.
Unfortunately, at a social level, mother-fatherhood is so Romanized that most parents do not share their feelings. This leads to, on countless occasions, living this stage of their lives with a lot of stress, frustration due to the feeling of not being able to do everything, sadness due to feeling that they are not enjoying themselves as they “should” and, above all, loneliness.
There are many factors that influence a child’s behavior. Among them, we highlight some such as the child’s temperament (biological and genetic factors), the personality of the parents or people in charge, the parenting style, daily stress and possible physical or mental health problems that may interfere.
It is really important to be able to understand the causes of the child’s behavior that is proving challenging for adults. In this sense, it is essential to take into account the evolutionary moment in which the child is. The theories of the evolutionary development of children help us to understand their needs at each vital moment .
Before answering what a difficult child is, it is essential to analyze whether the adults are feeling overwhelmed by the high demands of the minor because these are associated with their individual characteristics or whether it may be related to the physical and/or mental state of the adult.
Although it is always advisable to rule out medical issues, it is true that there are infants with high demands that can translate into behaviors such as high irritability and crying, very intense reactions, high sensitivity to certain stimuli and low attention span. These are just some examples, but other characteristics may occur.
Strategies for coping with parenting a difficult child
As we mentioned previously, the main aspect is to be able to understand what is happening in the family environment. It is interesting for adults to be able to check the physical and emotional state of the child while observing the needs of the child. Below are some strategies that may be useful:
1. Transmit unconditional love
Children need to feel unconditionally loved in order to optimally develop a healthy sense of self. This means letting them know that we love them for who they are, not for their academic, athletic, musical, etc. achievements . They are born deserving of our love and do not have to “earn” anything.
2. Address from the regulation itself
If we want our children to learn to regulate their emotions, we must first be the ones to pay attention to them in a regulated way. This allows us to pay attention to what is happening to them and help them put words to it, understand it, validate it and, over time, regulate it themselves.
3. Be consistent in the message
Children learn from what they see us do, not from what we tell them. And that is what they repeat. We must be aware of those values that we really want to transmit and be the example .
4. Set clear and consistent boundaries
Limits are necessary for the development of children. It is important that we establish them clearly during parenting. It is important that the child can understand both the limit and the consequences of breaking it. The repercussions must be consistent.
5. Facilitate communication
One really important aspect of parenting is presence. Another essential aspect is communication. It is important that, as adults, we can listen to their needs in order to build the foundations for fluid and respectful communication.
6. Become aware of your own needs
We have already mentioned that there are many pressures that mothers and fathers are subjected to. Therefore, it is essential that we can take some time to observe ourselves and become aware of how we are, what we need and how we can take care of ourselves.
7. Ask for help
If the situation you are experiencing is overwhelming and you feel that you do not have the resources to cope, ask for help. There are currently a wide variety of professionals who can accompany you in the parenting process, adapting to the needs of each family .