What is anger?
Anger is a sensation composed of 3 components that interact with each other (evaluative thinking, physical changes and angry behavior) that occurs in the face of a triggering event. These 3 components are able to influence each other by increasing the intensity of the sensation. Evaluative thinking means the way we interpret a situation and triggering event refers to some external event, that is, a provocation. Anger behavior means what a person does when they are in the situation that makes them angry.
The following example shows the interaction of the 3 components of anger.
Example: if the husband fails to do what the wife expects (the provocation), she may have an evaluative thought of the type “he never does what I want, damn it, he sucks!” At this moment, the body reacts and physical changes occur, the heart beats very fast, the muscles become tense, the breath becomes labored and a suffocating sensation occurs ”. Upon noticing these physical reactions, the wife may have another evaluative thought “Wow, he makes me angry!” The brain immediately perceives these reactions, increases anger and triggers angry behavior, which can be fighting, screaming, leaving, keeping silent, etc. This anger behavior, on the other hand, has the power to further increase the anger that the person already felt.
Another example, if someone does us an injustice (the provocation), we can evaluate what happened thinking “what a challenge, I can’t let this happen”. At this moment, our body will react with an acceleration of the heartbeat, with muscular tension, the breath becomes breathless and a suffocating sensation that increases the anger. SOMETIMES, ANGER IS GROWING EVERY TIME WITHIN THE PERSON, UP TO HOURS. IN THESE CASES IT IS DIFFICULT TO STOP THE RAVIA WHICH HAS ALREADY GROWN. next, it is likely that we will do something to demonstrate that we are angry, sometimes even greater than the situation deserved.
In summary, the anger process occurs as follows:
Something happens in the person’s life:
1. she interprets what happened as an affront, threat or personal injustice (evaluative thinking)
2. her body’s functioning changes: the heart beats fast, the muscles become tense and there is a feeling of suffocation;
3. aggressive behavior occurs (or anger inward or outward)
Do I have the right to be angry?
Everyone has the right to feel. Anger is a feeling, so we have a right to be angry. It is not wrong to be angry, what can be wrong is the way we express it, what we do with it. It is not necessary to be guilty for feeling angry, but recognize that it is only valid if it is helping the person to solve the problem. Always ask yourself if your anger is reasonable and if you know how to use it. Anger gives energy and vigor and therefore can be useful to protect us from injustice and abuse, but it must be kept under control and used constructively. Anger becomes a problem when it is too frequent, too intense, when it lasts too long, when it leads to aggression and violence and when it interferes with interpersonal relationships.
Why worry about anger?
There are people who feel anger very easily, who are always in the grip of this feeling. Their actions are often beyond their control. The consequences are serious for your health and are manifested in terms of hypertension, ulcers, depression, obesity, job loss, physical or psychological abuse by family and friends. The inevitable consequence of this is an impaired self-esteem, tumultuous interpersonal relationships and a high level of emotional stress. When the interpretation given to something that has occurred in our life goes beyond the threat, the injustice or the affront, then the anger becomes disproportionate and intense.
In order to avoid these consequences and guarantee the person prone to rabies a better quality of life and with a lower level of stress, it becomes necessary to learn strategies that help him to feel less anger and to use anger, which cannot be eliminated, as a force of positive energy.
Strategies for dealing with rabies
1. Acknowledge that you are angry;
2. Learn to recognize the events that trigger anger in you;
3. Learn to recognize the 3 components of anger: assessment, physical reactions and anger behavior;
4. Understand that something only becomes a “triggering event” (a provocation) by the interpretation you give it;
5. Understand that the physical reactions of anger have the power to increase it;
6. Understand that angry behavior is the last to occur and therefore gives you time to control your angry behavior;
7. Always try to break the anger reaction process in its initial phase, that is, check whether your way of assessing the anger triggering situation (what you think is a provocation) can be changed. To do this, change your internal dialogue, the way you talk to yourself;
8. When you realize that anger is moving towards physical reactions, that your heart has started to beat too fast, that your body and mind are getting tense, that you are developing a feeling of suffocation, try to relax to see if it eliminates these reactions. Try saying to yourself:
“Cal… ma, cal… ma”,
“I need to be careful not to let the anger run its whole process”,
“you will see that my vision of what has happened can be relieved: the breath becomes labored” ,
“I will leave it to react tomorrow, when I have assessed the situation without anger”.
“I can always react tomorrow if I want to.”
“I’m not going to take the risk of getting sick because of my anger.”
“I’m bored, but this is not the end of the world.”
“Whoever keeps calm keeps control”.
“I can take control of my emotions.”
9. While talking to yourself, breathe deeply through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth;
10. Try to find constructive ways of using anger, for example, do gymnastics, walk, dance, sing, laugh, be positive, talk about it.
11. Once you are in control of your anger, try to resolve the situation that made you so upset.