After a breakup, the common narrative presents the ex as an enemy to be avoided. However, in many cases, relationships end for reasons such as incompatibility or lack of communication, not because of malice on the part of one of the parties. In these cases, it is possible to build a healthy and respectful relationship with the person who was once an important part of your life.
In this article, we will share some tips to create a better relationship after a breakup, so you can heal past wounds and build a new bond based on respect, understanding, and maturity . Read on to discover how to smooth things over, set clear boundaries, and foster effective communication to achieve a cordial and enriching relationship with your ex.
Is it possible to get along with your ex?
Many people wish that life was like the movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” that once a relationship breaks up, there is no trace or memory of the ex. However, life does not work that way, and it does not have to work that way.
Without wishing to romanticize any type of abuse, there are situations in which it is possible to have a good relationship with that person who was so important to you. This is vital, especially, if there are children involved, but it is also possible when there are not.
Maintaining a cordial relationship with your ex-partner can be beneficial for both of you, as long as clear boundaries and honest, respectful communication are established . The key is, in part, to overcome the resentment and pain of the breakup, and focus on building a new type of relationship based on maturity and mutual respect. How do you know if it’s possible to get along with your ex? We’ll share with you some indicators that a good relationship with your ex-partner is possible:
- They have accepted the breakup and either hold no grudges or are actively working on getting over them.
- There is open and honest communication.
- They are able to respect each other’s boundaries.
- They prioritize the well-being of their children (if any).
- They feel comfortable sharing time together as friends or parents.
If you answered yes to most of these situations, don’t be afraid to explore the possibility of building a new relationship with your ex-partner. Below, we will share some tips that could help you in the process.
Keys to having a better relationship with your ex-partner
Getting over a breakup and establishing a healthy relationship with your ex can be a challenging process, but it is not impossible. It requires maturity, honest communication, and a commitment from both parties to put respect and mutual well-being first. Here are some tips that can help you navigate this process:
1. Set clear boundaries
Setting clear boundaries is essential to avoid misunderstandings and establish realistic expectations in communication with your ex-partner, thus creating a better relationship since the separation. Consider the needs and discomforts of both and reach a consensus on aspects such as the frequency of contact, topics of conversation and the spaces you will share . Remember that boundaries can be modified over time, as long as there is open and honest communication.
2. Unleash romantic ties
Although affection and respect for your ex-partner may persist, it is important to prevent deep emotional ties from interfering with the new dynamics of the relationship. If you still feel more than friendship for your ex, it is important that you reflect on your situation and establish an emotional distance that is appropriate for both of you.
3. Take the necessary space
Moving away from your ex doesn’t mean becoming their enemy. In fact, keeping a healthy distance is often vital to moving on with your life and healing the wounds of the breakup. The length of this space will depend on each person’s needs. For some, eliminating contact on social media will be enough, while others will require months of zero contact . The important thing is to find a balance that allows for healing and personal growth.
4. Avoid acting like a couple
The relationship is over and with it the dynamics of a couple. It is important to avoid behaviors that can generate confusion or false expectations. Remember that your ex-partner now has his or her own life and so do you. Respect each other’s spaces and avoid getting involved in aspects of each other’s lives that no longer concern you.
5. Refrain from unhealthy behaviors
After a breakup, it’s common to experience emotions like grief, anger, or frustration. However, it’s important to prevent these emotions from translating into negative behaviors like control, manipulation, or jealousy . Identify these patterns and find healthy strategies to manage them.
6. Clarify ambiguities
It’s important to have an honest and open conversation about the expectations you both have for the relationship after the breakup. What kind of communication will you have? Will you share social spaces or activities? Clarifying these concerns from the beginning will help avoid misunderstandings and future conflicts.
7. Work on forgiveness (while possible)
Forgiving your ex-partner does not mean forgetting what happened before the separation. It is a personal process that allows you to free yourself from resentment and negativity, and thus move towards a healthier and calmer relationship . Forgiving also implies wishing the well-being of your ex-partner, even if you are not close.
8. Respect personal space
If you manage to establish a friendship with your ex-partner, remember that this will be a different friendship than the one you had before. It is important to respect each other’s new spaces and relationships. If your ex-partner starts a new romantic relationship, you may need to distance yourself to respect both people and avoid conflicts.
The path to building a good relationship with your ex-partner is up to you. There is no one-size-fits-all manual on what to do or what not to do. However, whatever the case, it is a path that, when taken, requires patience, commitment and maturity from both parties. Are you ready to start walking it?