Psychology often treats the topic of mental health but not as often or not with the same accuracy we talk about emotional strength, so much so that it is not even that easy to find a definition. Recently Amy Morin , a psychotherapist and social worker, shared on Lifehack a list of 13 things emotionally strong people avoid doing. In its simplicity it impressed us a lot, so we decided to share its list by adding and integrating the thinking and values that inspire iWolm.
- Wasting time feeling sorry. We all happen to do or say things we regret, things we would like to change, but we know very well that it is not possible. You know the story of the nail and the hole that remains? An emotionally strong person takes on the results of their actions and knows how to manage and let go of anger .
- Losing power. Power does not mean dominating others, but dominating the situation. Those who are emotionally strong don’t let other people make them feel inferior or uncomfortable, but manage to manage the situation by avoiding confrontation.
- Shun change. Change always makes people uncomfortable, even those who seem to be at ease. Imagine a trip: how many times have you happened to be excited and scared at the same time? Emotionally strong people have learned to change and experience change as a challenge, an improvement or an adventure. In this way, fear also diminishes and leaves room for creative anergy.
- Losing energy in things you cannot control. There are basically three types of things: those you can control, those you can influence, and those you can only accept. For example, you can control the speed at which you are reading or the posture you hold, but there are things that do not depend on your will, such as whether someone loves you. You can influence this person but you cannot control them. Then there are things you just can’t change or influence like the weather or traffic. Even if you complain about the weather this will not improve as well as if you get angry about the queue on the bypass it will not disappear. To be emotionally strong it is necessary to focus one’s energies on the things in our possession and let go of the others by learning to accept them without being influenced.
- Worry about pleasing others. We all need to feel the appreciation and love of others, however one thing that I have realized the hard way in my years of work and in the relationships that I have lived is that you cannot expect to be appreciated or loved until first. you love yourself. This means learning to respect your body (for example by eating well), learning to listen to your discomfort and accept your characteristics. When you are sure you can do it it is extremely likely that you will succeed even if others say or think otherwise. The Galatea effect is much stronger than the Pygmalion effect !
- Fear of taking calculated risks. Whether you are a person who loves risk or someone who loves tranquility, if you always stay where you are you will surely never improve. Taking calculated risks is part of our evolution but if you calculate too much you risk never changing. Emotionally strong people know that in life it is important to dose adventure and habit: too much adventure can generate anxiety, while an excessively habitual life can lead to depressive forms.
- Living in the past. Big companies plan for the future at 10 years and don’t look to the past to say how good they used to be in trying to justify current performance. The past is important, to understand what happened, not to make the same mistakes and also to create motivation by looking at the results obtained as motivation to improve the future. Those who are emotionally strong look to the past in this way, not to remember how good they were and complain about how bad they are today. A bit like a sportsman, the spirit is to always improve one’s performance a little by making a step forward every day with the motivation of the result and not the discouragement of memory.
- Always repeat the same mistake. Madness is always doing the same thing and expecting different results – Albert Einstein. Each one of us has our own habits that make us happy and safe, but sometimes these habits are not healthy. There are those who are continually in the same wrong relationships but keep looking for the same people or those who are aware of eating badly and continue to buy the same things at the supermarket. To become emotionally strong it is necessary to abandon some habits and be aware of the mistakes we repeat. The swish technique is very useful in this regard.
- Resenting the success of others. Emotionally strong people look to their own success and not that of others, because they know that success is something very personal and that cannot be measured with the car, home, telephone, etc. These things are used to increase one’s self-esteem and to be accepted, but those who are aware of themselves and their value do not need them, just as they do not need to resent the success of others, since they already have their own.
- Quitting after a failure. Failures help to grow and improve over time. It is not easy to accept it when you are experiencing failure but it has certainly happened to you too to look at your past and discover a failure that today makes you smile with satisfaction. Maybe thanks to that event today you have become a different person and you would never have changed if you had not found yourself in that situation. Emotionally strong people have developed the ability not to give up in the face of failure but to learn from it for a new, better project.
- Being afraid of time spent alone. In solitude it is possible to rediscover the most intimate part of oneself and understand what we are looking for. Loneliness scares us precisely because it exposes us to the most intimate part and because we think it makes us deal with the unresolved things in our life. Emotionally strong people are not afraid of being alone, rather they have the pleasure of being in the company of the person they know best: themselves.
- Believing that the world owes you something. We often look at other people with a hint of envy for the result achieved without looking at the path these people have taken to get to where they are. Emotionally strong people believe they can achieve their own success on the basis of merit. Therefore they do not believe that the world owes them anything but they are aware that to achieve what they want they must work and commit themselves in that direction.
- Expect immediate results. Becoming emotionally strong also means knowing how to wait for the desired results to come. We are used to having many things with extreme speed and with increasing anxiety about performance. Get used to enjoying the path you are taking without being in a hurry to reach the goal, because the pleasure lies in this.
