Vulnerability is one of my favorite topics. Since reading Brené Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection last year, I have been obsessed with understanding it better and teaching it to my clients .
And the more I understand vulnerability, the more I realize that this is what has helped me be successful in my own adult romantic relationships.
In my early twenties, I used to be very hesitant about being myself. I avoided speaking for my needs and wants because I wanted to please. I thought the more I accepted what he liked, the less he would leave, right?
Well, it turns out the opposite is true.
The more you present yourself as yourself and are authentically yourself, the more you connect with the other person. And the truth is, guys find vulnerability attractive because it also gives them permission to be vulnerable. It’s like creating a safe space for him to be himself too.
But I know it’s easier said than done.
Being vulnerable in dating is terrifying because you constantly fear rejection if you open up too much. Or you may be afraid of being seen as needy or weak if you share your true feelings.
But nothing could be further from the truth. Emotional vulnerability is the key to a healthy relationship because it fosters true love. Vulnerability is not about winning or losing, it’s about having the courage to show up.
And in order to have real love , you have to introduce yourself and allow the other person to see the real you.
So, if you’ve been wondering how to open up in your relationship, you’ve come to the right place. Because today I am sharing with you 5 very simple steps to be vulnerable with a man .
Before I dive in, I think it’s important to define what I mean when I talk about vulnerability. Contrary to popular belief, vulnerability is not a state of weakness and instability. It is the willingness to recognize your emotions and feelings towards yourself and others.
I like to say that being vulnerable means sharing thoughts, feelings, and experiences that make you feel fearful, ashamed, or guilty. It means that you allow your boyfriend to see your real self, without hiding it behind a mask.
Sadly, many of us have never learned to be vulnerable in dating. That’s why I’m excited to share these next 5 tips with you.
1. Ask for help
As women, we like to be proud of being independent and not needing a man. We put on a boss character in the hope that the guys will respect and like him. While every man certainly respects a woman who has their shit together and drives a Benz, showing that side of you won’t make him open up to you.
If anything, it’ll probably intimidate him… But that’s a conversation for another day.
If you want to have a deeper connection with your man, you have to allow him to take care of you every now and then and feel needed. An easy way to do this is to ask for help when you need it. It could be for practical tasks that need to be taken care of or for support with a challenge.
A request for help doesn’t make you look weak, but it does make you look like an imperfect human being that we all are.
And recognizing that you don’t have all the answers, guess what he will start to do as well and possibly ask for your help or advice. It creates intimacy and leads to a lasting relationship.
2. Say you love me / miss you
Another effective and very easy way to show vulnerability is to say that I love / miss you in real time. I know saying these three magic words for the first time can be very exciting and scary, especially if the relationship is new and you are concerned that the interest is one-sided .
However, regularly sharing your love and appreciation for him can help take the relationship to the next level.
Being vulnerable with a man means being honest about how you feel about him, even though he may not be there yet. Of course, I don’t want you to tell every man you’ve been dating for three weeks that you love him. You have to be wise and realistic. But don’t hide it from him just to look harsh, either.
So, sometimes be nerdy and sweet and let her know that you are eagerly awaiting her call at the end of the day. Or share your feelings for him when.
3. Share your honest thoughts and beliefs
Number three is what inspired me to take this journey of vulnerability. As I said above, as a young woman, I censured myself a lot to keep a man . But the older I get, the more I realize that I am surrendering myself and the person I am with disservice by not being genuine.
And as crazy as it sounds, sharing your honest thoughts and beliefs is a great way to be vulnerable without being in need .
Being compatible doesn’t mean you think the same way and always agree. Sometimes that means you agree to disagree. We create privacy when we allow others to have their own opinions without resenting them.
So, telling your truth without shaming him for his opinion or point of view makes him feel safe with you. Most importantly, it gives you the confidence to stand up for yourself, no matter what your reaction, and will allow you to have an authentic relationship.
4. Express your feelings
This point is perhaps the most difficult for many of us. Although women are much more connected to their feelings and emotions, many men teach us from a young age to suppress them.
We are constantly berated “to stop crying” or “not to be so emotional”. To the point that we avoid being totally emotional in order to be successful in a highly masculine world and workplace.
But if you want to learn how to be vulnerable with a man, you have to be ready to connect and share your feelings. The art of female energy teaches us to be in touch with our feelings and to communicate them effectively.
And the way of doing it is much easier than a lot of women think. It’s just a matter of speaking them out loud. When you feel sadness, frustration, and pain, say so. Rather than blaming your boyfriend for “not putting you first” when he’s making plans with someone else, tell him “I feel sad because I couldn’t wait to spend time with you.” “.
Name the real emotion you are feeling and you will find that he will be less defensive and start to recognize and appreciate your feelings. And once he understands how you communicate, he’ll eventually realize that the relationship is a safe space for feelings and start sharing his.
5. Apologize if applicable
Last but not the least, of course, you need to be prepared to apologize if necessary. Pride is the number one thing that kills relationships. Pride puts a wedge between two people which destroys intimacy, trust and peace.
Therefore, it is so important that you apologize when you are at fault. It shows that you accept and own your mistake, instead of trying to be right the hard way.
As mentioned above, the antidote to vulnerability tries to be perfect and nothing communicates “I’m better than you” more than not apologizing. This is the most frustrating trait in people because it makes you feel disrespected and undervalued.
So, you have to learn to apologize if you want to have an intimate and vulnerable relationship with your man.
Hope this article encourages you to be vulnerable with a man. And remember, if someone rejects you for who you are, that’s a good thing. You want to be with the person who accepts you for who you are. Because the goal is not to get married but to stay married. Ideally to the right person in 10, 20 or even 30 years.