Sometimes people worry that they can’t reach orgasm for too long. Or vice versa: orgasm comes early, and sex ends quickly. It is unclear whether there is a norm at all and whether it is worth striving for. But if you still want to change the time that sex lasts, you need to be prepared to test new techniques and explore yourself.
So how long should sex last?
There is no clearly established norm. In a study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2008, researchers asked sex therapists how long penetrative sex should last. Experts considered sex lasting one to two minutes “too short,” and 13 to 30 minutes “too long.” Sex lasting three to seven minutes was considered “sufficient,” and seven to 13 minutes “desirable.”
In reality, things are different. In 2005, scientists asked 500 couples to time sex from penetration to ejaculation over the course of a month. Results ranged from 33 seconds to 44 minutes, but the average was 3–7 minutes. In both studies, sex was measured exclusively from the beginning to the end of penetration. That is, sex ended when the man had an orgasm during penetration.
In 2020, scientists finally studied women’s experiences. It turned out that they need an average of 12-14 minutes to achieve orgasm . Based on research, women need more time than the average sexual intercourse lasts. At the same time, 17% of participants did not experience an orgasm at all, and most noted that penetration alone was not enough. This is confirmed by a survey by the US Center for Sexual Health: only 18% of women climax during penetration.
At the same time, studies most often indicate average values. Sexologist Jess O’Reilly claims that some women may need less or more time to achieve an orgasm. Others do not achieve it at all, and this is also a normal variant.
What if I want to speed up sex?
Study your body
To better understand how your orgasm works, you need to explore yourself. Psychologist Rachel Allin advises trying different masturbation techniques alone and then with a partner. New practices will help you understand your anatomy and learn which method will bring you pleasure faster.
Prepare for sex
Sexologist Rebecca Storey suggests switching your attention to something more intimate before you’re about to have sex. For example, you may become more aroused if you and your partner share a glass of wine or take a bath . The sooner you feel desire, the sooner you can orgasm.
Use sex toys
According to sexologist Jill McDevitt, one big advantage of gadgets is that they operate at a constant speed and intensity, which can often be adjusted. This can help you reach orgasm faster than usual.
Communicate with your partner during the process
If you know well what brings you pleasure quickly, do not hesitate to guide your partner. You can discuss preferences in advance or show how to do it right in the process.
Don’t skip the foreplay
If your goal is to orgasm as quickly as possible, you don’t want to waste precious time on foreplay. However, a 2018 survey found that women were more likely to orgasm if they were kissed for long periods during sex, had their genitals stimulated, or had cunnilingus performed in addition to penetration.
Focus on the clitoris
According to a survey by the US Center for Sexual Health, 36% of women need stimulation of the clitoral head to achieve orgasm . Sexologist Zhana Vrangalova recommends focusing on this part of the body during sex if you know that caresses will give more pleasure.
Stimulate multiple erogenous zones at once
According to Rebecca Storey, some women get more pleasure when their partner stimulates several erogenous zones at once . For example, kissing the neck and caressing the genitals.
What to do if you want to prolong sex?
Usually people choose 2-3 scenarios of behavior in sex that bring them pleasure. Over time, such a technique seems clear and understandable to us, and the body gets used to the method of achieving orgasm.
If you want to delay the onset of orgasm, you can bring a share of improvisation into sex. Change the position to an unusual one, engage in oral caresses right in the middle of the process, allow yourself and your partner to touch and kiss each other differently. Because of the unusual and unfamiliar, orgasm may come later than you are used to.
Masturbate before sex
If you feel that your sensitivity decreases after orgasm, you can also take advantage of this. Try to get discharged before sex, and perhaps it will last longer.
Change the types of stimulation
For example, first stimulate the clitoris for two minutes with your fingers, two minutes with a toy, and then have two minutes of penetrative sex. But it is important to understand that if you use the same sequence and the same techniques, sooner or later the orgasm may still come again quickly.
What to do if one of the partners finishes faster?
Rebecca Storey has some tips that might work.
Agree with your partner
If one of you orgasms early, talk about what you can do. For example, if you need more time, ask your partner to help. They can use their hands or mouth while you guide them.
Focus on intimacy
Perhaps one of you is distracted by external factors: a bad mood, problems at work, or other stressful situations. This makes it harder to relax and enjoy. To distract yourself, you can create an intimate atmosphere: light candles, give each other a massage. Use those methods that will help you focus on intimacy with your partner.
Don’t get hung up on time
Try not to put pressure on yourself. It is not always possible to have an orgasm at the same time. If your partner climaxes earlier or later than you, it does not mean that he is not enjoying the process with you.