How can you learn to be kinder? Pay more attention to others

A practical guide to:

A kind person is a healthy person. Kindness is inner peace and joy, love and grace. How to become kind to be healthy, calm and joyful? We will learn this now.

Kindness affects not only the inner state, but also the outer world. A person with a good heart attracts people. With such a person, everyone is comfortable and cozy. We all seek a peaceful state of peace and happiness, but often we simply do not understand it.

How to become kinder

Awareness of individual programs. Each person goes through their own lessons in this life. Each of us has our own goals. In addition, society and the system have invested in each of us many different programs that distort the real perception of this world and most of which are negative.

Let’s say you don’t like someone. Do you know what this man had to go through? If you fell into his conditions, upbringing, environment, you might be even worse than him. Sometimes, at first glance, the harmless words of parents can introduce a destructive program that will affect the human psyche throughout life. You have to understand that every person has such programs, but the soul of all people is beautiful. It is necessary to learn to communicate with people at the level of the soul, not at the level of the mind, social conventions and programs.

Awareness and understanding of this situation gives relaxation, and relaxation calms you, and you become kinder to other people.

Serve people. Try to start living not for yourself, but for other people. You will see how you will become kinder, and along with that people will start to love you much more. The whole Universe will begin to take care of you.

The more you serve other people, the more you will receive the inner grace and help of the universe.

You have to have honesty in serving. Serving through malice will do nothing. Start with loved ones. Take good care of them. Imagine that these are your children. You will see how your relationship improves, how your life starts to change.

Just start caring for your loved ones like children, even if they are your parents. This is a very effective practice to be kinder to.

Then start taking care of those around you. Imagine that all people are your children, including directors and presidents. Start taking care of everything and your life will be filled not only with kindness but also with a feeling of happiness and joy.

Plus, people will start taking care of you. Imagine how great it is when everyone wants to do something nice for you.

Lack of benefits. If you want to be kind to make money, this is a hoax that will make you cooler and more calculating. You will begin to lose your inner grace and joy. On a subconscious level, people feel it and your relationship will be cooler.

He loves himself. Start loving yourself with all your flaws. If you don’t love yourself, you can’t truly love others. Where there is no love, there is no goodness. Learn to love yourself and accept what you are. This is very important.

A practical guide to:
brain development, sensitivity to energies, solving health problems, acquiring the skill of working with the energy of love, removing psychological problems and mastering the methods of changing destiny .

Change your thinking. Keep an eye on your thinking. If not very good thoughts or feelings arise, start observing them. Where do they come from. The sooner you capture the moment when such thoughts and feelings arise and learn to observe them, the sooner they will leave your life.

Focus on kindness. When you often focus on goodness, it will begin to enter your life. Yours will begin to correspond, and you will become a kind person.

Make it a rule to do a good deed every day. The more you do good deeds, the more your piety will accumulate, and piety will directly affect your destiny. The more piety accumulates, the happier destiny is.

Show kindness to everyone, not just to the good or those in need. Every human being has a beautiful divine soul, even notorious villains. Learn to see in people their soul, not the external set of programs that shape their thoughts, words, and behavior.

This skill will allow you to reach a whole new level of perception of reality. Learn to be kind to everyone, not just the people you want.

Let’s get rid of the conviction. Get rid of every judgment forever. Don’t judge anyone. Do not judge lest you be judged … Condemnation kills goodness. People get so used to judging others that they often don’t notice.

Learn to be optimistic. If you knew what was behind each unpleasant event, you would never get upset, but wait for the unpleasant events to go through the situations and strengthen your spirit.

This is a topic for separate material, but in short, we attract absolutely all the unpleasant events in our lives with our unconsciousness and wrong actions.

When an awkward situation comes up, there is a chance that you understand the cause of the problem and consciously correct the situation forever. In this case, the soul gains valuable experience and the spirit gains more strength. By properly processing an unpleasant event, a person gets extra energy for his life.

If the situation is not worked out, then it will be repeated over and over until it is worked out. Working through each such event gives strength and energy. Learn to be optimistic about everything in your life.

Change your environment … The living environment affects it in a global way. Redefine your environment. Avoid angry and highly intelligent people. Meet kind and dear people. You will see that as soon as you change the environment you become a kinder person.

Goodness and light to your life!

Anton Smekhov

Reading time: 3 minutes


Human life is filled with negativity. There are so many bad things that sometimes it’s hard to breathe. And although people lack tenderness and kindness, few think about how to become kinder and calmer.

It’s hard to imagine how often you have to judge people, get angry and swear. At the same time, an excuse is provided for each individual case. People consider the reaction reasonable. Defending the position, they hide the negative.

It is better to help the people around us for free. How nice to walk the streets of the city, look forward to a new day and enjoy the birdsong. And what a pleasure the rays of the gentle sun bring.

If you found yourself on this page, you realized that you want to become kinder and strive for the right step towards happiness and joy. I assure you, advice and psychology will help you.

Some people think that becoming a kind person is unrealistic. There is little truth in the statement. But do not forget that in a man, regardless of physique, age and social status, there is a grain of goodness.

I will show you how to become a patient, caring, affectionate and kind person. With guidance and detailed instructions, you will make a better life change.

  • Help people with advice and actions. If a stranger helped, express gratitude. Trust me, he’ll be glad to hear “thank you”.
  • Don’t judge the people around you. Even if you want to criticize someone, try to make it softer.
  • Treat everything with understanding and avoid conflicts. Not everyone understands everyone, and not everyone will understand you. Throwing energy and time into useless quarrels is pointless.
  • As for mistakes and shortcomings, don’t notice them. Concentrate on the positive qualities.

Video instructions

Remember that kindness is a whole concept. If you are kinder, the whole world will become kinder to you. And life in such an environment is easier and more comfortable than in an atmosphere of tension and stress.

Become kinder to people

If a person treats the people around him well, it is easier and happier for him to live in the world, and people treat him in the same way.

Everything in the world is closely connected. The invested goodness will return sooner or later, increasing many times over. Therefore, everyone should have knowledge on how to become kinder to people.

Life without good is boring and boring. It is accompanied by stress and negativity. In such conditions, it is impossible to find a boyfriend or build a relationship with a girl. Therefore, if there is a lot of negativity in life and if you do not want to live life alone, take action.

  1. If you think you’ve got everything you have yourself, you’re wrong. Trust me, other people are involved in building success, even though their contribution is invisible. Thank the people who help.
  2. Express your gratitude orally. Warm feelings will appear in the hearts of friends who hear “thank you” from you. If you are not brave enough, express gratitude to yourself.
  3. You are only looking for pluses in the people around you. Everyone has flaws, but that doesn’t mean they’re not worthy of love.
  4. Try to be patient and understanding. Everyone has a view of the world, concepts, a value system. If the person is not like you, treat them with interest, because every meeting is an opportunity to supplement, expand or change.
  5. Don’t clash in any way. In a certain situation, you can shout and prove your opinion in all possible ways, but it is useless. Remember, life does not stand still, and instead of quarreling, it is better to participate in creating bright and dear things.
  6. Do good deeds every day: help grandmothers cross the road, express love to mom, buy a gift for a friend for February 23, or help dad in the garage. Giving warmth to the world, bring it back in larger quantities.
  7. Become kinder to yourself. People’s attitude towards you depends on how you will treat your personality. Only inner peace together with harmony ensures a peaceful and harmonious life.

Video tips

Working on yourself will improve your life, fill you with colors and sensations. Take action and people will become kinder to you.

Become kinder to the guy

What could be better than a strong and happy relationship? However, there are times when a man stops responding to a woman. It annoys her a lot. Sometimes a small slip is enough, like verbal dirt or kitchen utensils flying towards a man. The little things you argue about play the last role in life. Everyone cultivates people’s attitude towards themselves.

After reviewing the material, you will have a tactical advantage that will solve the problem. In addition, relax and look at life from another angle.

  • Thank goodness you have a boyfriend. Remember how many times he helped and supported. If you want to get married, don’t forget that.
  • Feel free to thank the guy. If he helped in the kitchen or did something nice, say thank you. This is a trifle for you, but he will be satisfied. Words will show that you appreciate the connection.
  • Try to line up the guy. Undoubtedly, evaluating offenses and habits is interesting and exciting. But I don’t advise you to do that. You probably didn’t want to be treated the same way.
  • Thoroughly “filter” criticism directed at the guy. If necessary, request or point out an error. You won’t become kinder, following the goal of insulting the guy and insulting his pride.
  • Treat all things with understanding, even when something doesn’t match your opinion. It’s better if you understand the guy and get into his position. As for conflict, they will not bring pleasure and leave deep wounds in the soul.
  • Be generous with compliments. Trust me, every man, like a woman, is glad to hear nice words addressed to him. Although the stronger sex do not always show it. Therefore, do not neglect his fashionable hairstyle, clothes and things.
  • Remember, the result will appear if you are kinder to yourself. Don’t fight for your mistakes and failures. Continue.

I hope the recommendations will help you make your relationship with your loved one strong and happy. Becoming kinder at home is easy. All you need is a wish. And don’t forget to do good deeds every day, even small ones.

Only a good deed makes a man beautiful. How exactly to develop, decide for yourself. Don’t be fooled and build your own destiny. And the way they turn out will determine the actions and attitude towards the loved one.

How to be kinder when you are a scorpion

Every person born in the sign of Scorpio has repeatedly thought about how to become kinder. To achieve the goal, Scorpio has to work hard. In this case, the struggle must be waged with character traits inherent in nature. And winning a battle is not easy.

As practice shows, scorpions are not evil by nature. They are characterized by a cold mind, a sharp eye and a lack of secrets. I would like to mention that Scorpio is a confident person who knows well what he wants. And she does.

The reaction of the outside observer to the positioning is more important. He considers this position arrogant and cruel. But the most unpleasant feature of scorpions is directness. It often leads to conflicts and disagreements.

If you were born under this sign, take a look at the techniques on how to become kinder at home. Otherwise, find yourself in a situation where the loved one you wanted to build a good relationship with rushes with tears in their eyes.

  1. Do the right thing. Only then will others understand you.
  2. The world of scorpions is pleasant and laconic, but to others it is strange because it is closed. Share ideas and experiences with friends and family.
  3. Scorpio is a kind, honest and confident person whose actions are aimed at well-loved ones. True, scorpions often forget to make their environment realize this. And that is no accident.
  4. People prefer the warmth of the soul over material evidence of friendship and affection. Given the fact that the unusual behavior of scorpions is combined with directness and resentment, it becomes clear why many advise to become kinder.
  5. Learn introspection. Others do not have such self-confidence and it is not easy for them to communicate with an empowered person. Scorpios repel people with their directness and courage. Work on this.
  6. Analyze thoughts and actions, because strong strength is accompanied by responsibility. Remember that a strong person must protect a weak person.

Scorpios are ready to reward enemies with their venom at any time. As for other people, they do not wish them harm.

Every scorpion is a kind person at heart, but he is not able to show it. It takes a little self-control to achieve the effect.

Kindness makes the world harmonious. But do not forget that absolute kindness without opposites will not lead to good. Strive for balance.

Even bad deeds have good things. Good and evil are the components that maintain balance. And people who have found a golden mean live happily.

Every kind person fulfills a function that supports the existence of society. At the same time, his desire does not matter. By doing good, a person helps someone. That is impossible in harmony. Thanks to that, people strive for ideals that remain unattainable.

In order to fill this page only with useful and interesting information for you, I analyze the requests of people on the Internet.

So, someone is interested in how to make a lot of money, someone is looking for recipes for beauty and success, someone is desperate to build a dizzying career or, but few are trying to find ways, how to become kinder .

But in my opinion, our world needs goodness more than ever.

It’s something that doesn’t go out of fashion and that people around you really appreciate in you, something that you appreciate yourself, even if you don’t admit it.

I’m not saying everyone should turn into Mother Teresa and forget about material goods, but it’s also not worth becoming an insensitive cruel piece of iron.

Why would you try to become kinder?

On one of the forums I once saw the topic “Why should I become kinder if I’m glad I’m angry?”

The discussion lasted 10 pages.

Some have put forward arguments for the topicaster.

Like, here, I’m also not some kind of slob and nothing, I’m successfully moving up the career ladder.

Yes, this goodness only ruins, you start to wonder what is good and what is bad, and now you have already missed a lucrative contract.

In short, all this shit!

Being angry and unprincipled is cool.

Their opponents asked:

“It simply came to our notice then. We must bring goodness to this world. You can’t measure everything with money. If we are not kind to each other, we will turn into real animals. And in general, all who are evil and cruel will be burned in hell. ”

To be honest, I really wanted to intervene in the discussion and advise the accomplices of evil to keep looking for recipes, how to become kinder , because there are at least 5 reasons for that:

  1. Kind people are loved by others, so they are not threatened by loneliness.
  2. Benevolent people very rarely have a nervous breakdown and failures that fall to them are much easier to bear.

Good people get what they want faster than bad people and with less effort.

The universe seems to want to reward them for a positive attitude and bringing goodness to this world.

  1. Good people do not suffer from low or high self-esteem, because they do not need to dig themselves and easily cope with their complexes, because they are surrounded by people who love a lot of love.

Even in fairy tales, good always defeats evil.

Do you want to be in the role of the defeated Koshchei Immortal or Baba Yaga?

What should you get rid of those who want to become kinder?

Of course, it is much easier for those who have already been born as a dear and compassionate person.

They don’t need to strain.

It is quite difficult to become positive and kind as someone who has acquired these qualities from birth, but it is possible to become a little better so that everyone around you with a little effort stops hating you.

Before you move to a new level, you need to get rid of the ballast that you do not need, that is, from the properties that are inherent in evil people and unusual for the good ones:

One should not envy those who have more than you, it is better to spend that energy on reaching the level of successful people.


Now I’m talking about parental ingratitude:

“Why wasn’t I born into an oligarch family ?!”, and – to my soulmate: “And what, for the third year I will wear an old mink coat? You couldn’t make a new one, you bastard ?! “, And – to friends:” Again that fool is calling to complain about another failed novel, “and – to the whole world:” I want to be the mistress of the sea! “.

Learn to be grateful for what you have, but strive for more. Work on yourself and don’t constantly ask for something from others!


“Hooray! This goat’s wallet was taken from the accounting department in the minibus. It serves her properly, otherwise her eyes are rounded here in a new sheepskin coat!”

Passion for gossip.

If you like to talk about others (even without bad intentions), then you will definitely not be accepted into the club of good people.

Do you need someone to accidentally step on a minibus, and you immediately attack it with your fists?

So why waste energy? Even if you come across a bore who hasn’t apologized, you shouldn’t teach him good manners.

Just ignore the unfortunate person.


Well, here, in my opinion, no comments are needed at all.

People who insult other people or animals, and do deliberately nasty things, are simply sick!


Of course, there is no need to waste money left and right, but if you feel sorry for 10-20 hryvnia for the homeless or sick children, then you have very strange notions of goodness.

How to become kinder – follow these rules

If you’ve stopped envying successful competitors, running away from gossip like a plague, waking up every day with gratitude, empathizing and not bragging when someone has problems, doing charity work and never having a tendency to cruelty, then it’s time to move on to a new one level.

Here are a few simple rules you need to follow if you want to be kinder:

Learn to give the compliments you deserve.

Did your colleague come to work in a beautiful dress? So tell her about it.

Does your neighbor’s new hairstyle look good? Do not be silent about this fact.

Do good deeds without asking for anything in return.

Try to meet the demands of others, if you can, but do not allow yourself to sit on your neck, otherwise you will be known not as a person of good heart, but as a rag.

Respect other people’s opinions.

If we are not talking about some fundamental issues, then just tactfully end the conversation and find yourself a more interesting interlocutor.

Treat harmless human oddities with understanding.

Your neighbor dyed her hair green, and a co-worker plays in a modern amateur theater, where they present horrible incomprehensible performances to the public?

Stop being bitter about this, because it doesn’t bother you in any way.

Learn to enjoy life.

Bad weather, low pay, torn tights on the way to work, sour soup, a runny nose – all these are frivolous reasons to walk gloomily, whine and complain to everyone around.

Smile and don’t worry about minor issues.

Do good, choose good, follow the example of good people,

which will be discussed in the following video:

Becoming kinder is not that difficult, especially if you decide to break with the world of evil and darkness forever.

Go to the bright side.

Useful article? Don’t miss the new ones!
Enter your email and receive new articles by mail

It is not at all necessary to graduate from college to learn kindness – study and apply these 9 rules on how to become a kind person and you will simply not recognize yourself.

  1. The basic rule in case, how to become a kind person, is the ability to be grateful to everyone and everything for what you already have. Too often what we have is taken for granted and taken for granted. And at the same time, we are constantly grieving for what we do not have. Try to evaluate what you already have and imagine that someone doesn’t have it.
  2. If possible, thank you! Especially if words of gratitude are simply ripped from your chest. Have a habit of saying a simple “thank you” whenever appropriate. This will automatically teach you how to be grateful and become a kind person.
  3. It is impossible to become a kind personif you are constantly talking about someone. Especially in unsightly tones. Imagine someone indulging in such behavior at your expense. Will you like it? Probably not. Therefore, try to rate someone else only when it is really appropriate.
  4. Take care of yourself when you criticize someone. Of course, sometimes it’s important to say fair too, but don’t overdo it. Become a kind personperhaps when criticism is directed at pointing out mistakes to a person. Then you give him a chance to realize and correct them. If you try to humiliate him, reduce his achievements or qualities, you will not be able to become a kind person.
  5. Try at least a little, but to understand each of you, no matter how badly behaved. Everyone has their own opinion on certain things and it is not at all necessary that it coincides with yours. Treat this with understanding and patience. This will improve your communication skills, broaden your horizons. Don’t limit yourself to just your opinion.
  6. Give people compliments as often as possible. Find something in each that you really like. Try to divert attention from what annoys you about the person. Just notice a good hairstyle, good makeup, great pants – and the person will already be happy in their soul. Sometimes it inspires people to great deeds.
  7. Strive to do more good deeds. At every turn, even in small things. Letting a pedestrian pass even where they shouldn’t cross, picking up someone’s fallen thing, giving way in transportation – all this makes you kinder, even because of your inner feelings. And if you already hear words of gratitude in response, nothing can replace this joy.
  8. Don’t interfere, try to avoid them. But leave the feeling that you can stand up for yourself. The most important thing is not to waste your inner energy on unnecessary quarrels. It is better to direct him towards necessary and, again, good deeds. If you see that they still don’t understand you and are unlikely to be understood, take that for granted and move on. Once you make this decision, you will feel how much easier your life is.
  9. And most importantly, don’t forget to show kindness to yourself! It is impossible to be kind if you are not able to be kind to yourself. First of all, you have to love yourself, and only after they feel it, people will also start to show mutual feelings towards you.

These are, simple 9 rules on how to become a kind person .

It turns out that bad guys fail not only in Disney cartoons. In reality, they too often cede the palm of evolutionary and social primacy to noble good people.

Guy Seregin

The idea of ​​being kind is kind of stupid in the end visiting each of us. It doesn’t matter if we watch at the moment how others like to eat our sweets or learn to make a face with respect when meeting a colleague to whom we once lost an important project, because his wife’s flat feet didn’t stop her from leaving him. Sooner or later, the world of adults will snatch the plush Cheburashka from your hands and show the harsh truth about what is actually going on with the kind and gullible creatures that came to us in the box with the oranges. This is the law of the jungle, isn’t it? The strongest victories?

And here they are, answers the choir of ethologists and sociologists. The laws of the jungle are far from clear. If the strongest and most vicious really won, then our nature would look a little different: any robin would gain two-meter tusks, a ten-ton hamster would stuff its bags into enemy corpses, and a directed bombardment system would be built into the butterflies. But the principles of evolutionary mechanics do not work for the struggle of all against all, but for balance.

Pigeons and hawks

There is a classical model for calculating the competitiveness of animals within a species. It was given the not exactly name “Pigeons and Hawks”. The downside lies in the fact that the pigeon is extremely ill-suited to the role of a symbol of peace: in fact, it is a rather evil device like a bird, there is more aggression towards representatives of its own species than with the same hawk. This model calculates a winning strategy in the fight for food, female, or territory — in a word, for some important survival resource. The pigeon in this model prefers not to take part in a real fight, avoiding the fight and fleeing from the battlefield when meeting a truly aggressive opponent. The hawk, on the contrary, rushes to defend his rights with the fear of a predator and retreats only after he gets serious wounds or he dies.

Next, the model performs a mathematical calculation of how the composition of falcons and pigeons in the population will fluctuate. It is clear that one falcon among the pigeons will feel great, but as soon as there are too many falcons, the triumph is the pigeon, which, avoiding fights, manages to reproduce brilliantly, while the carcasses of hawks trying to find out the relationship cool down.

It is strange, but in human society, which seems to be so complex that you cannot get away with simple schemes, the principle of the model as a whole will remain. This confirms the effect of “sheep among wolves” known to sociologists. For example, in a company with an aggressive work style, the most calm, non-conflicting citizens are often in the highest positions, because those who gained the right to a place in the sun with their teeth and claws inflicted too many reputational wounds and damaged their image during fighting.

That, by the way, explains the seemingly surprising “phenomenon of weak rulers”. Throughout history, countless cases have fallen on the throne in the presidential chair completely empty-eyed, whose only real advantage was that it more or less suited all warring parties and did not pose a threat to any of the warring clans. (Most of all, the Japanese stood out in this regard, for a thousand years they had emperors and shoguns almost exclusively with babies and very young children.)

So when choosing a strategy for your behavior, whether it’s career, political or any other area, it’s worth weighing all the risks. If we assume we have no idea who is more nearby, good pigeons or predatory hawks, then we have the same chances of success regardless of the role chosen. But at the same time the pigeon obviously doesn’t risk losing its tail feathers.

Softness efficiency

Yes, aggressors can reach significant heights in society, but still, in general, the structure of our society and simple logic prefer to contribute to the success of people who are not conflicted and are good-natured. At least they often save energy, time and nerves and achieve success at a lower cost than those that come to life every day as a battle.

“Obstacle on the way”

A neighbor parks the car so you have to deviate a little from the route to enter the entrance.

Strategy of aggression

Paint the front and sides of the trough with an aerosol can, so next time, bastard, think of people!

Positive results

+ Deservingly punishing the villain, you throw out the accumulated aggression.

+ The car is no longer left in an awkward place for you.

Negative results

– You will hate your neighbor even more, because you will subconsciously feel your guilt in front of him.

– The neighbor will look for the one who did it. And then, perhaps, win.

– The police will look for who did it. And then – the court.

– Some ghouls register your own car in the same way, as it is now accepted in your backyard.

Cost-effectiveness of aggression: taken away

Good nature strategy

Don’t mention it. These are just a few extra steps that, by the way, never bother our inactive lifestyle. (If the transport stands in such a way that it actually seriously obstructs the passage of other cars or creates significant inconvenience to pedestrians, it is better to leave a friendly note under the janitor with an apology and a request to park in a less problematic place).

Positive results

+ You maintain peaceful relationships with your neighbors.

Negative results

– Take a few extra steps when you enter the house.

Cost-effectiveness of a good nature: zero

beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Man, however, is not a bird, but a much more socially dependent and emotionally developed being. The word “happiness” is not always synonymous with the words “wealth” and “success” (although the latter are able to contribute much to the former – which is, that is). And if the success of “good people” and “villains” is about the same, especially at a great distance, then in terms of psychological comfort, good mood and life satisfaction, good people surround villains in many cases.

The founder of psychological prose, Jane Austen, portrays two characters in Pride and Prejudice: one ardently sympathizes with those around him and thinks of people much better than they deserve; the other is too smart not to notice the shortcomings of his loved ones and is too demanding to forgive their shortcomings. “I’ll never understand why you’re always unhappy with everything,” says the first one, smiling. “And I’ll never understand why you’re so indescribably looking forward to it all,” the other grimly replies.

The result is logical: the first hero is surrounded by loving, caring and wonderful people, falls in love with the best girl in the world, and the sun gently caresses him with its rays. But the other is sincerely hated by everyone around him, he is forced to spend his days surrounded by those he calls fools and scoundrels, and even the woman he has fallen in love with for a long time holds him, a completely honest person, for the first bastard and does not think at all.

The ability not to watch the vices of loved ones is actually a guaranteed happiness. Especially if it is complemented by the talent to truly rejoice in others – talent, unfortunately, is the rarest.

Softness efficiency

“Bad waiter”

They brought you a menu for 24 minutes and handed you such air, as if you had not come here to eat, but were asking for alms. They then mixed up the order and served a bowl of fried radishes instead of your legitimate steak. Well, for completeness, let’s let this idiot throw a cauldron at you.

Strategy of aggression

When they don’t put you in such a kuna and so make fun of you on your nerves for your own money, you have every right to make a scandal. Even loud! Even with a call from the manager! Show everyone present your insignificant place in life with the help of the most floral expressions!

Positive results

+ Somehow you won.

+ Maybe they bring you a strudel at the expense of the house.

Negative results

Wet clothes.

– Energy spent on all these actions.

– Your spoiled mood.

– You can delete a restaurant from the list of visitors, because you never have to go to a place where you insult the waiters: there is always a risk that the recipe of the dishes they bring you is slightly different from the standard (by the way this also applies to steak torn in combat).

– This scene could be seen by your acquaintances who immediately concluded about your unstoppable scandal. It’s even colder if one of the visitors decides to quietly record it all and post it on YouTube labeled “Crazy in a Restaurant”.

– Side effects are also possible in the form of light bites of conscience, suggesting that the waiter’s guilt was not so great that he would arrange to deduct from his modest salary.

Cost-effectiveness of aggression: taken away

Good nature strategy

Asking me to replace the dish, you regret out loud that, alas, I failed to fall in love with a healthy radish full of vitamins. With a cheerful smile, shake off the tea saying, “It’s okay, don’t worry, please.”

Positive results

+ The awkward scene immediately turns into funny.

+ Strudels can be brought in the same way.

Negative results

Wet clothes.

Cost-effectiveness of a good nature: zero, sometimes positive

What is allowed to a bull is not allowed to Jupiter

When English King Edward VIII began a serious romantic relationship with Mrs. Wallis (this novel was, by the way, shown in the film “The King’s Speech” which collected all the Oscars of the season), all the British nobility fell into a deep unconsciousness. The twice-divorced American without any aristocratic ancestors, who openly had lovers and sympathized with the German Nazis, in itself, it must be understood, was not a gift from heaven, but even this was not particularly bitter. There were quiet conversations in the salons that Mrs. Wallis was so vulgar, rude, and inconspicuous that she allowed herself to “shout at the servants in most … well, you know … harsh expressions.” Insulting a dependent person, who is below you on the social ladder, was completely unacceptable for good society. Edward eventually had to abdicate in favor of his younger brother,

The fact is that people who are accustomed to comfort usually crave that comfort to extend to their state of mind as well. And in any stable society with an established structure, regardless of the parallel in which they lived, people who could afford a lot introduced unique rules of mutual communication. Kindness, indulgence, tact, delicacy, kindness have always been the hallmarks of representatives of the upper strata of society. Where the cook could whine, the countess was only allowed to turn a little pale; where the groom swore and beat, the gentleman asked for forgiveness.

Children from aristocratic families are raised to strict standards: you have to be noble, you have to be kind, you always have to behave so that others in your company feel comfortable and easy. And rudeness, meanness, dishonesty, if they were not completely exterminated, were at least considered vices that blocked the way to decent houses. (Today’s directors – natives of democracy – can make as many films as they want about masters throwing boots at butlers, but they reflect their own ethical state rather than historical reality.)

The pleasure of communicating with a kind and kind person has always been highly valued, and the natural consequence of this has been and is that such a person has more friends, co-workers and defenders than one who sincerely spits on the opinions and wishes of others *.

* – Note by Phacochoerus “a Funtika:” Alas, many of us realize this truth too late, when it is already difficult to radically change something in ourselves. “.

The price of a good reputation

However, the willingness to do good is far from such a primitive social instrument that it can be used regardless of the consequences.

Although the author has sworn to himself that this article will not suffer from scientific terms, he will still bring it here. This is the term “indirect reciprocity” coined by biologist Richard Alexander in his Biology of Moral Systems. The term refers to a behavioral characteristic common to many species of age creatures, primarily birds and humans. Its essence lies in the fact that in these species, altruistic actions increase the reputation of the individual in the population. Roughly speaking, the most important is the one who feeds, licks and protects everything, all females are enthusiastic about it and rush to mate. As a result, species with indirect reciprocity have a charming trait: high-ranking males jealously follow lower-ranking males and become furious when they try to show altruism to their cubs, females, or, God forbid, to themselves.

People in even the most civilized society are also not free from the law of indirect reciprocity. Therefore, the answer to your good deed, even if done with the best of intentions, might be to resent the one you have humiliated by profiting. (That is why the system of indirect charity through various foundations is so developed in the world. The philanthropist, by donating funds there, enjoys the deserved respect in society, but does not humiliate anyone in a targeted way.)

Softness efficiency

“Everywhere around the freak”

Coming to your friends in the evening, you were soon convinced that the company had gathered quite uncomfortably. These strangers have neither interest nor sympathy for you, and they miss you in their boring company. Unfortunately, for some reason you can’t leave right away and you have to spend a few exhausting hours here.

Strategy of aggression

Close yourself in, trying not to communicate with anyone for a second longer than necessary. Attempts to start a conversation with you, respond with prickliness and rudeness. Don’t forget to tell your friends that only collectors of Kunstkamera’s curiosities could gather such socializing.

Positive results


Negative results

– You have the most disgusting night of your life.

” Some of the people who were there tonight have a bad opinion of you, and it’s not a fact at all that you’ll never meet them again.”

– The acquaintances who invited you there are also not thrilled with your behavior.

Cost-effectiveness of aggression: taken away

Good nature strategy

Willingness to meet everyone present, participate in conversations, without serious discussion with anyone. If there is an obvious difference between your attitudes and the attitudes of the interlocutor, talk less and listen more, trying to show sympathetic attention. And don’t hesitate to smile kindly, no matter what heresy you were forced to listen to at this point.

Positive results

+ It was a great training for someone who is learning to be lenient with others.

+ Closer communication has a chance to find out that not everyone here is such an idiot.

There is no point in explaining the justification of aggression in the event of a threat to life (our own, the lives of descendants or the life of a group): this is one of the primary instincts so deeply ingrained in us that we often perform such actions almost unconsciously.

Much more interesting are the aggressive actions we perform at a time when we are in complete control of our emotions. Ethologists, for example A. Zahavi and K. Lorenz, have determined that there is a type of aggression, which is undoubtedly a good deed experienced not only by the aggressor, but also by most individuals in the population.

This is aggression in the name of justice, the so-called “expensive punishment”, ie it requires spending energy, often an insecure action aimed at punishing an individual who has violated existing norms of behavior. For example, a seagull who finds food and begins to eat it in silence, without summoning his companions, will be punished by those who find it in inappropriate activity. In the beginning, the herd will not so much steal food from each other as persecute an individual farmer, teaching her good behavior. (At the same time, stealing food from one of the neighbors is not behavior that is dangerous to the whole community, so the struggle that ensues will not interest the rest of the dinner participants.) In a person, as a supersocial being, the instinct for “expensive punishment” is extremely strong. One of the first ethical principles that young children learn is to confront “fair – unfair” and ”

A strong person can easily forgive an act that has personally harmed him, but we instinctively try to punish behavior that has a social danger. And the calmest person who a scoundrel called a bastard or shot a rapist who kidnapped a child, we do not perceive as an aggressor, but as an unconditional bearer of good.

Another thing is that there are now so many social norms that one and the same act can be perceived by different people both as meanness and as nobility. We do not have and cannot have one unconditional value system, even if we gather all the Criminal Codes and moral codes of the world into one extremely difficult volume. So each of us must acquire our own code of honor and check our good works.


Leave a Comment