It’s easy to ruin a first impression when meeting someone. Especially if you’re an introvert and your interlocutor is an extrovert. What makes us repel each other and can we later change our opinion of a new new acquaintance?
AT FIRST SIGHT
You come to visit and see many new people with whom you have yet to meet. You look at them – and your gaze immediately catches the one with whom you will definitely not communicate today! How did you determine this and why, without even talking to the new acquaintance, you immediately refuse to communicate?
The answer may be obvious if you’re an introvert and the person you immediately identified as unsocial is an extrovert, says behavioral analyst Jack Schafer.
“Introverts see extroverts as self-confident, brash, pushy, and arrogant. Extroverts see introverts as nerdy, quiet, and socially inept,” says Schafer. And no matter what you say or how you act in the future, your actions will be viewed through the prism of that first impression.
We like it when those around us share our views on life. So it turns out that extroverts and introverts often do not initially have warm feelings for each other. The attention of the former is drawn to the outside world, the latter keep their inner experiences in focus.
In addition, the main source of energy for an extrovert is communication with others, while an introvert, waking up in the morning with a “fully charged battery,” is completely exhausted by the evening due to contacts with others. And in order to gain strength, he needs silence – and preferably a little solitude.
THINK, HEAR, SPEAK
It is precisely the differences in lifestyle and worldview that can cause discomfort between two people who are at different “poles,” says Jack Schafer.
Unlike extroverts, who calmly and sometimes happily inform others about their experiences, introverts are rarely ready to share feelings. And the irritation that sociable acquaintances cause can accumulate inside them for a very long time. And only when the introvert can no longer restrain himself, he presents the extrovert with a list of his “sins”. And it can be quite extensive!
What makes extroverts upset introverts when it comes to meeting for the first time?
They tend to say what they think without much concern for the feelings of others. Introverts, on the other hand, often think before they speak their minds and are not very clear on how to ignore the feelings of others.
In addition, many extroverts like to finish the phrases that the interlocutor says. Introverts prefer to intersperse their speech with pauses to hone their thoughts, to bring them to perfection. And they certainly do not allow themselves to finish the thoughts for others. When an extrovert suddenly interrupts the interlocutor and finishes his phrase, the introvert feels disappointed
GIVE ANOTHER CHANCE
Unfortunately, the first impression is very difficult to change, the expert emphasizes. And if at the beginning of communication we have a negative impression of another, we are unlikely to want to continue the conversation or meet with him again. And without a second, more fruitful and pleasant meeting, there can be no talk of any changes.
There is another important circumstance. As soon as we form a first impression of someone, it becomes difficult for us to change our mind. After all, admitting that the interlocutor is perhaps not so bad means agreeing that we made a mistake in our judgment. And, remaining true to the first impression, we feel much less anxiety than if we decided to admit that we were wrong, the expert is sure.
How can we apply this knowledge in real life?
First, if we remember the differences in behavior between extroverts and introverts, we will worry less about the reasons why we don’t like someone. Maybe they are just “from a different sandbox.”
Second, understanding how different types of people communicate can help us connect with others . We may become more considerate of others or be able to come to terms with the peculiarities of their communication.