Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do is in harmony” Mahatma Gandhi.
Why does it seem so complicated to be happy?
Yes, I have also asked myself that many times. Perhaps it happens to you as to me that, the famous “comfort zone” is no longer enough , but rather, it is an “uncomfortable comfort”.
Or maybe you just have that feeling that there must be some way to make life feel better . If so … Congratulations to those who, like me, dare to question things and want to know how to be happy, or at least want to try !
That you are here, reading these lines, is already a good sign that you are ready to change. How good it is, because I prepared several tips that have helped me (it is a daily job to be happy) and that I am sure that, because they are scientifically proven, if you put them into practice, you can also get it.
1- FIRST, CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY, THEN THINK ABOUT HOW TO BE HAPPY.
Bonnie Ware , worked in palliative care accompanying patients who had only a few months to live . In this process he managed to conclude that the repentance that these people commonly manifested was: ” I wish I had had the courage to live a life of my own, not the life that others expected of me .”
Life is one and too short for us to naively wait for that perfect moment, in which we believe that happiness will come down from some heaven , and will enter our life in the form of money, opportunity, person, etc. And that simply by embracing that moment, we will gather the strength to : start being happy !.
No. Happiness is a much longer journey than that, deeper, and more comforting, by the way.
It is a daily decision to be happy , and like any other habit, it requires a constant commitment to internalize it.
So have INTENTION first , the predisposition to
get out of your comfort zone, to leave old customs and thoughts behind, and right now start making simple modifications , which will bring that feeling of well-being and fulfillment, which will allow you to be happier.
That is to say: stop looking for happiness, and start living happiness .
A study by June Gruber (a Yale psychologist) suggests that constantly searching for how to be happy can lead to anxiety . This happens when those who seek it do so thinking that everything that is suggested to be done to achieve happiness, MUST actually make them happy, and they do not know how to deal with frustration , if the results do not appear in a timely manner.
The truth is that happiness is not the product of doing one thing, but of a change in lifestyle, and it is not always achieved by magic.
You can start right now by making simple changes like:
- let it go,
- relax (you can’t control everything),
- prioritizes peace and not always reason (it is much healthier),
- redefine your values,
- smile a little more,
- say thanks,
- don’t push yourself,
- eat slowly and enjoy every bite,
- etc. (etc = the rest of the 6 points of the article)
2- CHANGE THE PARADIGM: success does not make you happier.
This affects us all, because it is a paradigm that is still installed in society.
The cultural and social pressure in this regard has led us to believe that a title, a role, a position in a company, a giant check at the end of the month, a project that works, is what gives us happiness.
But: what would we be then, if all that disappears? In reality, the check, the position, and the project are not bad, what is wrong is to condition our life, and our “happiness” to that, because they are too ephemeral issues to function as the sole support of our life .
Therefore, the path to success is completely the opposite of what we believe , and even, you can get a lot, but much more than we imagine, if we walk it this way.
“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, then you will be successful. ”- Albert Schweitzer
Who does things for every day to be able to be in peace, in fullness and live moments of happiness, can succeed in the rest of life’s challenges: in relationships, at work, in the family, etc.
According to a study by Sonja Lyubomirsky , Ph.D., from the University of California, it indicates that when people feel happy, they tend to be optimistic, energetic and to have self-confidence , which leads to the rest finding these most personable, sociable and trustworthy people.
These aspects broaden the opportunities for: completing a business, successfully meeting goals, creating or developing new things, including meeting a partner, making more friends, etc.
So to be happier, try to give up that blind ambition, since the check will come, the car, and the status will also come, if you first find the passion, the fulfillment in who you are and what you do.
3-SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE AND HAPPY PEOPLE
Happiness is like a beautiful disease or virus that spreads around us.
Being with positive, grateful, enthusiastic people transmits well-being to us, and they transmit that special energy to us, which makes the day surrounded by them more pleasant, comforting, and even more productive.
A study carried out by the BMJ Group concludes that the happiness of people depends to a large extent on the happiness of the people with whom they connect, and may even be a collective phenomenon.
Therefore, it is necessary to know how to choose who will be by our side , since the influence, both positive and negative, is very great.
Isn’t it exhausting being around people who all they do is complain, or that anything makes them sad, or who feel dissatisfied with their lives, transferring that frustration with attitudes that are not very patient, unkind and selfish?
Unfortunately, these people do nothing more than pull us back, because it seems that for them nothing is perfect, not too good, not too pretty, not too fair, not too promising, not too safe, etc.
Whether it is taking a trip, starting a project, starting a relationship, putting together a party, or choosing a restaurant to go to dinner, everything becomes too complicated and the day seems to be full of obstacles. These things do not help us to grow, to advance, in short, it does not contribute anything in the life of someone who is looking for how to be happy.
If the water that does not flow freely becomes stagnant when it becomes ugly, this is also the case with the energy that surrounds us, with the situations that arise.
eye! With the above, I do not expect us to confuse “denial” with optimism. Nor is it useful to be with people who deny reality, the problems, the stones that every path has, since life is full of good and bad things, but the important thing is how we face these circumstances.
Positive and optimistic people do not deny problems or an unpleasant reality, but have enough personal security, self-esteem, to know that they can change the course of things, and transform a sad, painful, or failure moment , in an experience that will make us wiser, or stronger to continue advancing .
4- LIVE THE NOW
“True happiness is enjoying the present, without anxiety dependent on the future” – Lucius Annaeus Seneca
A study published in Sciencemag indicates that people spend 47% of their time wandering , which implies a constant absence of the present, of the decisions we make, of memorable moments … and then we wonder how it was that Christmas came so Quick? How did all this happen this year?
One of the most relevant factors for happiness is being focused on today, embracing the present moment, being aware of what surrounds us, and of every sensation that we are going through now, now, at this moment.
The past is not there, you no longer have yesterday, even less with the future. What we have is the present, and it is what we must learn to live.
If you think this two or three times, it sounds like little common sense, wanting to experience or live something that is no longer there, or even fantasizing or worrying about things that have not even happened yet, but this is how, apparently, it happens to us life. That is why nostalgia weighs so much, that is why so many regrets, so many senseless fears …
Why should we be so foolish and deprive ourselves of today? Today you are healthy, now you are having a hot coffee, delicious, now you are warm, now the sun is shining on your face and you can breathe, now you have a partner who accompanies you, a friend who calls you, a boss who encourages you, today is today.
Will we still have those things tomorrow? And… We don’t know, but with certainty, living thinking about the past, or worried about the future, take us out of the life we have today, which is perhaps the life that can make us happy, but with so much noise, we cannot realize .
5- PERFORM A PHYSICAL ACTIVITY.
Doing some physical activity during the day changes the day .
If you were tired, you would be with more energy, if you were worried, you would be less tense, if you did not like your body, you would like it more. Even if you suffered from insomnia, you can relax and get sleep, which also allows us to have a better mood, be more lucid and focused.
Exercising also works very powerfully to calm anxiety disorders . A Study by Daniel Lenders of Arizona State University indicates that exercising works better than relaxation than meditation and music therapy for episodes of anxiety.
Likewise, a study was conducted through which it was found that even without losing weight , people who had been assigned an exercise routine of 6 × 40 mins, after it had a better perception of their body, in Comparison with the group assigned a reading activity.
The benefits of physical activity transcend everything related to the body. A study found that those with depressive disorders , who had had all types of drugs suppressed and replaced different physical activity routines, showed high recovery rates, and most importantly, low relapse rates, compared to those who had only followed a drug treatment.
Sure, I imagine that on a cold day, or after a tiring day, it is easier to stay in the chair, “relaxing” with a coffee, watching a series or reading a book, which is not bad at all, the case is, that you ALWAYS choose to do that.
For those who need to change once and for all the energy of the day, and a coffee, a beer, an armchair, does not return anything positive, exercising is the best antidote.
Although at first it is difficult to gather courage to go for a walk, run, ride a bicycle on a frosty morning, or a very hot afternoon, or a night, after solving all the problems of a tiring day, if you finally dare to do it , the sensation when returning to your house, is going to be fantastic. I promise.
You feel stronger, more alive, healthier, more powerful, because you have managed to do something that you had not thought you were going to be able to do. It is one more step of personal improvement. Try it, it is part of this beautiful daily work of being happier.
At this point, it is where I feel most comfortable, because the thanksgiving has never really failed me.
Not just thanking people, but life, the universe, or the God you believe in. It’s like the more grateful you are, life pays you back with more of that for which you are grateful.
The act of giving thanks is also a correlation of being focused, of living in the now , it is an act of the present, of living your life today , because your consciousness is in each of the things that are happening to you , and in what you have.
It seems silly, but for me it is essential to be grateful for having all my limbs: two legs, two arms, two ears (that is not a limb but they follow me with the idea), and when I do, I automatically feel a relief and happiness that each thing is in place and if I want I can go running and be free for an hour. I can see, I can smell, I can hear, I can taste the flavors of the world, I can feel the texture of things. And that really is priceless. Or has it not happened to hitting a leg or burning a finger, and that the whole routine of the day becomes “hell”?
But leaving aside my humble experience, there are studies that confirm the great impact that gratitude has on our emotional well-being.
The Journal of Happiness Studies examined the effects of writing thank you letters in a study involving 219 people, which involved participants writing one thank you letter per week (3 weeks). The results suggest that the conscious targeting of everything that one has to be thankful for, generates a beneficial impact at an emotional and interpersonal level, increasing satisfaction levels and decreasing depressive symptoms.
Therefore, do not stop thanking.
For a moment, and write down on paper at least 4 nice things that happened to you that day . What went well despite everything ?:
No one scolded you at work, your son got a ten, you lost 2 kg, he successfully closed a contract, you had an unexpected reunion with a friend of years, you made love, the money was enough to pay all the taxes, you ate the best plate of pasta in weeks etc etc (And let’s not forget the limbs )
All this will lead you to become more aware of your luck, and will help you start the next day with more energy, and with a better predisposition to face the daily obligations of life.
7- ACCOMPANY AND HELP OTHER PEOPLE
At this point I discovered something that I hadn’t thought about so much:
Many times we are so focused on our tasks, business, worries, that it seems that the hours of the day do not reach anything , but it has been shown that when we dedicate a couple of hours to other people, the ivoperception of our time seems to be greater.
According to Cassie Mogilner, a researcher of the relationship of how to be happy and the time management of Wharton School, concluded, through a study, that: “giving some hours of our day to other people, generates the sensation, at the end of the day, that the time was much more abundant, even much more than if we did something for ourselves during our free time ”
Whether it’s volunteering, mentoring someone, helping a partner, or being for the moment confident of a friend who needs an ear, it expands your sense of time and results in great satisfaction.
However, beyond time or money, what is important is the effect that these attitudes have on others. A simple gesture can make someone feel worthwhile, that they are not alone, and we give hope, even without knowing it.
I leave you the following video, which I hope will inspire you to be able to do every day, not only do something that does us good, but others.
I hope these tips on how to be happy are useful, and remember that you can start right now.
Don’t wait for the perfect conditions to start working on happiness. That does not exist. Happiness is an everyday decision , and you need to stop looking for happiness, and start living it .
For that, focus on the now, on the present. Become aware of everything you have, feel, and live TODAY . Tomorrow, we don’t know it, the past is gone, maybe you have everything to be happy, and you don’t realize it.
Enjoy every bite of food, every deep breath you can take, every morning you can appreciate the sun.
If you are sad, tired, frustrated, anxious, I assure you that being in the chair, thinking about those things that hurt you, will not bring about a change in you. Go for a walk, run, ride a bike, get over the comfort of the moment, and go ahead and feel better.
Find people who take you further as a person, who challenges you, that allows you to move forward in life, in all aspects. Be generous with your time, with your space, with a gesture. You do not know what a simple act can generate in the other.
If you feel that someone else whom you love or appreciate can do these lines well, do not stop sharing this article! Perhaps it can be “the” action of the day, bringing a share of love, to someone’s journey.