To be in a relationship is to share joys and sorrows, it is to be beside someone who loves and respects us. This should happen with all couples, but it is not always so. There are cases where the woman does everything for her partner, but he clearly does not value this relationship and demonstrates it in different ways. If you have never been there, you must know someone who has experienced this drama: a relative, a friend, a neighbor. What to do in this situation? I can tell you, doesn’t he value you? There is only one way for him to change. Are you curious? Read to the end.
In today’s post we will cover the following topics:
- Doesn’t he value you? Discover the signs!
- Why does he treat you like that?
- Why do we allow someone to do this?
- Our mind finds excuses
- Its consequences
- How to break this cycle?
- What to do?
- How to show your value?
- Is it worth continuing?
Doesn’t he value you? Discover the signs!
Sometimes, some behaviors can make you wonder: does he not value you? He doesn’t often respect you? Here are some common signs.
He’s critical of his dreams and goals
All dreams, no matter how foolish or impossible, must be respected and nurtured. If someone doesn’t respect your dreams, they don’t respect you either.
Lying is a great sign that you are dealing with fraud or someone who is too weak to face you. It also says that they don’t have a very high opinion of you.
It puts you in the background
It is one thing to have the same importance as family and close friends, quite another to stay in the background. No one should feel that it is not a priority for their partner.
He wants you to change
It is normal to change a little bit in a relationship as a means of adaptation, but you should never lose yourself completely. If your partner has forced you to change your values or opinions, it is a serious sign.
It breaks your confidence
It is not just about lying, but also small things. If you leave town and you ask him to take care of your cat, you need to trust him to do that. Broken trust can rarely be repaired.
It makes you feel inferior
He makes small comments that reduce his self-esteem. When you wear a short dress, it makes you feel like a slut. When you gain a little weight, it makes you feel ugly. When you drink too much, he says you can only be ashamed.
He usually cancels dates without a good excuse. And he waits until the last minute to tell you, which completely ruins your plans for the night.
Does not respect your opinion
He doesn’t respect your opinion. He says his favorite bands are not good. That your favorite shows are rubbish. That your favorite books are boring. He thinks everything you say is stupid.
Give on top of others
He flirts with other girls. Ex-girlfriends, female friends, waitresses. He does not hide his attraction to other women.
Why does he treat you like that?
The answer is simple: because you allow it. We cannot prevent people from behaving in the wrong way, but we can decide how we will react to this behavior, how we will react when we are devalued. We can go or we can stay, face or be silent. Doesn’t he value you? Have you been wondering if your attitude allows him to do so?
Why do we allow someone to do this?
Why do we allow our partner to continue doing the same things, over and over? A simple reason would be to love him. When we love someone very much, we always want to be with them and we will try to justify their behavior in all ways. When our self-esteem is low, it is even worse: we find a way to stay in that relationship because the prospect of not being with this person is very scary. It is that old saying “bad with him, worse without him”. Doesn’t he value you? No, but you don’t want to lose it.
Our mind finds excuses
Have you ever heard of cognitive dissonance? It is when a person has an opinion or behavior that is not in accordance with their values or their normal opinions and behaviors. The term cognitive dissonance is used to describe the feelings of discomfort that result from two contradictory beliefs. And how is it applied in relationships?
When we are in this type of relationship, we make all kinds of excuses to justify the situation we are in. For example: if your friend was in a relationship with such a person, you would probably say to “get out” and “look for a person who values her”. However, when you are going through this, when you are with a person you love but don’t appreciate, you find excuses for his behavior. You think things like “he is very tired”, “he is nervous because of his work”. Apologies that, deep down, you don’t even believe.
The problem with this type of relationship is that they can seriously affect your self-esteem. Sometimes, when you are on the edge, about to jump out, your self-confidence is so low that you start to think “Maybe he isn’t that bad” or “Maybe I deserve this treatment”. And even if you decide to break up, your lack of confidence in yourself can allow you to go back to him again or find someone who will treat you as badly as your current one. You enter these repetitive cycles of having the same behavior over and over again.
How to break this cycle?
You break this cycle by paying attention to your instincts at the beginning of the relationship. If you have been in a relationship for years, paying attention to the instincts you have over time. Do you know those moments when you feel something is not right? That you have a kind of sixth sense? Instincts surface, usually when your partner is not treating you the way you want (and deserve).
Make an analysis: when you think about your ideal man, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you imagine what he should be like, the characteristics he should have and the way you would like him to treat you. Now, compare with your current partner, the person in front of you. Is that what you want for your life?
What to do?
It is not enough to have instincts. Many of us have these feelings that we are in the wrong place or we are making the wrong decisions or we should not be with that person. But we don’t act, we don’t do anything. Trusting your instincts is only half the puzzle. The other half is to act. It means having the strength, courage and self-esteem to do what you know you should do. The irony is that when our self-esteem is low, we begin to trust our instincts less.
How to show your value?
If we don’t show our own value, they will never value us. In a relationship, when we don’t communicate honestly about what we don’t like and don’t allow, if we don’t set limits, they will never change. If our partners do not realize that there will be consequences if they do not treat us with sufficient respect, they will have no incentive to change. They will continue with the same behavior or even get worse. They will continue to exceed our limits.
Is it worth continuing?
There is no right or wrong answer. Doesn’t he value you? It is up to you to decide whether to continue in that relationship or not. However, if you decide to stay, be sure to impose your own limits, be sure that he will change the way he treats you. Show that you need and deserve to be valued. Do not accept less. Don’t let a relationship undermine your self-confidence and self-esteem. If you realize that this partner does not respect you and that he will never appreciate you, jump out without fear. You deserve much more and there are many other people out there who can make you happy, the way you deserve