Imagine the situation: you know a wonderful man on the Internet who has everything you are looking for in a partner, but he lives in another country. Or else you start dating the perfect man in your city, only to find out that he received a job offer miles away… When you realize it, you are having Skype meetings and now you spend most of the day sending silly photos on Whatsapp. You feel like you’re falling in love with this guy – but will this relationship work in the long run? The answer is not simple, but some reflections can help you. See if the distance relationship works and what is the only way to work!
In today’s text we will talk about:
- The romanticization of long-distance relationships
- Does distance relationship really work?
- Some tips to know if your distance relationship works or not
- Some more tips!
The romanticization of long-distance relationships
For many years, distance relationships have been romanticized in books and films. There was an air of romanticism in two people who managed to stay true to their feelings, even with miles apart separating the couple. Letters were the only means of communication and it was only later that the telephone appeared to make life easier for those who lived far from their love. Most of the time, long distance relationships were impossible to sustain.
The Internet age has made long-distance relationships much more viable. Despite being physically far away, video calls can ease nostalgia and facilitate interaction between the couple. For those who are really in love, only a computer and a good Internet are needed to brighten the day.
Does distance relationship really work?
We are often so passionate and so involved with this new relationship that we forget to evaluate some practical things. Does distance relationship work? Well, not every long-distance relationship works, for a variety of reasons. However, some points should be noted by you, to know if this relationship has a future.
I like him because he is distant
It sounds funny, but it happens more than you think. Sometimes you can like someone because he is far away and you cannot see his qualities and shortcomings every day. It is important to understand that the small amount of time you spend with the person, you cannot get to know their true personality.
Think about it, if the situation was different, if you could be together every day, would it still be desirable? Often, the obstacles in the relationship can make it much more interesting and we are blinded to some aspects. It is as if we are romanticizing the partner because he is far away. So, always be attentive to the signs and put it on the scale if your long distance relationship really works.
Romantic and sexual needs
We know that it is possible to create intimacy over a long distance, but everyone has their own needs for physical contact, whether romantic or sexual. What you need to think about is how much physical contact, sexual relations are essential in your life. There are people who can go without sex for a long time, while others believe that sex is vital in a relationship. Which group do you fit into? If you answered that you are in the second, I am sorry to tell you, but the distance relationship will be a kind of torture for you. So, think carefully if you are really willing to take this relationship forward. Adapting is the only way your long-distance relationship works.
The ultimate goal
Does your distance relationship work? Here’s something that can help you think about it: how far are you willing to go to be with the person you love? Does one of you like the other enough to make the necessary investment to move? Skype calls are great, the two talk, have fun, but anything that involves a long-distance relationship should be a means to an end. You need to have a realistic goal than simply living on your computer and cell phone and having short visits during the holidays. Ideally, the two have an idea of when they can be together definitively.
Are you in this long-distance relationship because it is more comfortable to talk to someone once a day than to go out and meet someone new? Is there a shortage of men available in your mind and you think you will not be able to find someone in person and this is the only option? Do you have a real plan and are you going to take the relationship seriously? These are things to consider. Think about it!
Why is knowing these things important?
You can spend months and years of your life in a relationship that will never become real. Imagine your frustration when you realize that you have wasted valuable time on something that will never evolve into something more serious. You will probably be frustrated, and with good reason.
If after analyzing, you are really sure you are on the right track, here are some tips to make your long-distance relationship work.
This is the most important tip of all. Understand one thing: your partner is not with you! So, when you talk about your day, what happened, give more details of what happened. Share the big and small things that happen to you.
We are amazing at talking – but how much do we really listen? Listen carefully to what your partner tells you. When he says something like “I wish we could see each other at Christmas”, write it down. Even if you can’t see yourself on that date, maybe you can send him a video on Christmas of you opening your gift, or use Facetime with him.
If you are the jealous type, this is especially problematic. You will want to be with him every time he goes out with friends, but you can’t. This causes tension. Relieve your worries, learn to overcome your insecurity by filling your time with your own activities. If your partner is out of communication, take the chance to do things that benefit you. Read a book. Go to a party. Build something. Find something to invest your time in and relax while he does the same.
Send little gifts
Who doesn’t like to receive a special order by mail – especially if it comes from a loved one. This is one of the things that keep relationships alive. Sending passionate cards or goodies to each other is a way to break the routine and show that both are working hard to make the romance work.
Talking on the phone or Skype is great, but both should plan to maintain a frequency of visits with each other, making sure that they are both engaged in a balanced way. Physical contact is important, so whenever possible, make visits, whether on special dates or even at unexpected times.
This is very important to know if the distance relationship works and has a future. We have already spoken in the text, but it is good to repeat: it is essential to make plans. When you are together, take the time to plan the places you want to visit or the date of your next visit. When he is in your city, show a little of his routine and vice versa, as participating a little in the partner’s daily life helps to bridge the distance.
How much do you love this person?
The only way for your long-distance relationship to work is to ask yourself how much you love your partner. Whenever you feel that it’s not working or that you might want something else, ask yourself what life would be like without that person. If love is true and real, it will fit you back to reality.
Long distance relationships, like all relationships, need a tremendous amount of work to work. But in the end, if you’re on the right track, everything is worth it.