It’s well known that there are “red flags” in relationships. These are signs of incompatibility, toxic behavior, or personality traits that indicate someone is definitely not right for you. But there are other signs that you shouldn’t ignore, namely “pink flags.”
What are “pink flags”
These are anything you notice about your partner or relationship that makes you anxious. The first or second time you have these thoughts, you push them aside. But if they recur, you pay closer attention and ask yourself, “Is this a sign that things are bad, or am I overreacting and making a big deal out of something that could actually be easily dealt with?”
Unlike red flags, pink flags are more subtle and less serious. However, they still represent some risk to the relationship. Therefore, they should be perceived as a kind of alarm points and used as opportunities for growth, both independently and together with a partner.
At the same time, you shouldn’t go to extremes – don’t ignore your intuition, but also don’t project your wildest assumptions onto your partner.
What “pink flags” are worth paying attention to?
Of course, they all vary depending on the people and the relationships between them. But some are more common than others. Here are ten of the most common.
1. You never quarrel
Sometimes this indicates that each of you is not completely sincere and not ready to show your vulnerability enough for the relationship to become deeper.
You may think you’re having a great time. But if you’re avoiding difficult or uncomfortable conversations, or stopping yourself every time you want to say something that might cause tension or argument, that’s a pink flag.
Arguments are not always bad. A couple who wants a stable relationship needs to learn how to deal with conflicts effectively. And instead of avoiding problems, talk about them directly and look for a way out of a difficult situation together. Otherwise, this “pink flag” will turn red.
- You show your feelings differently
For example, physical contact—holding hands, kissing, hugging—is important to you, but not to your partner. At first, when you’re already overwhelmed by strong emotions, you may not attach any importance to this. But over time, different approaches to showing affection can become a problem because your needs remain unmet.
So it’s a good idea to talk to your partner and figure out how you best express your feelings to each other. This is also a great opportunity to discuss your mutual communication expectations.
For example, some people don’t like texting each other during the day, while for others, the lack of messages from their partner is definitely a stop signal. This is why the reluctance to talk about how and how often you would like to communicate falls into the “pink flag” zone: you may think that something is wrong in the relationship, but in fact, your partner simply prefers to communicate less often than you would like.
- You feel like your partner is hiding something
For example, he doesn’t talk about his past experiences or doesn’t introduce you to his close friends . If you’re in the early stages of a relationship and are just learning about each other’s life, that’s one thing, but if you suspect that your partner is intentionally hiding information from you, that’s quite another.
And this is where serious thought is required, because intuition sometimes plays tricks on us. Remember if you experienced similar feelings in previous relationships, and consider how likely it is that you are projecting that experience onto your current one.
If you’re unsure, talk to your partner about your concerns without making accusations. It could be that some of your needs aren’t being met or your personal boundaries aren’t being respected. Or, conversely, it could be that your loved one’s needs and personal boundaries are being violated. An honest conversation can help clarify things and prevent the “pink flag” from turning red.
- You are sexually incompatible
Sex is rarely amazing at the very beginning of a relationship. It gets better as partners become closer, learn what each other likes, and feel comfortable in bed.
But if you’ve been together for some time and have gotten to know each other’s desires pretty well, but the sex is still bad and you can’t overcome sexual incompatibility, this is a legitimate cause for concern.
- You can’t rely on your partner
Usually, the partner’s inconstancy is due to the fact that he has not yet fully sorted out his life and is trying to cope with stress. In such circumstances, a person is not always open, happy, patient and accessible. Sometimes he takes a defensive position, becomes withdrawn and inattentive.
In some cases, your partner may send mixed signals or express affection erratically. For example, they may avoid any touching in public, but become extremely tactile when you’re alone. Or they may have double standards: they don’t respect your personal boundaries , but ask you to respect theirs.
Talk to your partner about what’s bothering you, but don’t assume anything. Ask if everything is okay and if they’re willing to share their feelings with you when things are tough. It’s important to discuss these issues before jumping to conclusions and creating unnecessary tension in the relationship.
- The partner is constantly distracted by gadgets
If he constantly checks his phone or computer, or even watches TV while talking or having sex, it can lead to big problems. Especially if this behavior is not discussed early on.
Try to be more mindful of how each of you interacts with technology and social media . For example, if you regularly post photos of yourself and your partner, but they never do, figure out whether this situation is stressing either of you out or whether it’s an indicator of deeper problems.
- Your partner doesn’t define your relationship
If you’ve been dating for a few months and your partner still hasn’t talked to you about what they want from the relationship or whether they even consider it a relationship, that’s a red flag. They may just be looking for a fling while you’re looking for something more serious .
Your partner may also avoid seeing your friends or family. Again, it’s important to talk about what the relationship means to each of you. Only then will you understand whether this avoidance is really an indication that your desires are not aligned.
- You don’t feel emotionally safe
Without a sense of emotional safety, it is impossible to build and develop healthy relationships. It arises when we are respected, heard and supported, when a partner makes an effort to understand us and prioritizes what is important to us. And this feeling should be mutual in any relationship: friendly, family and romantic . And anything that weakens the feeling of emotional safety can become a “pink flag”.
A partner who doesn’t care about your success at work, doesn’t take your opinion into account, doesn’t keep their word, puts their needs above yours, snaps at you, interrupts you, doesn’t respond throughout the day, rejects attempts to get closer – all of this puts emotional safety at risk. And this kind of “pink flag” turns into a real problem when the partner doesn’t act quickly enough to repair the damage.
- Betrayal in past relationships
Perhaps you have experienced it yourself, or your partner has betrayed, lied, and cheated . If they have admitted it themselves and noted that they are not proud of their behavior, such honesty should be appreciated. It shows that the person has learned from their mistakes. Nevertheless, this “pink flag” is worth keeping in mind.
Try to give the person a chance and trust them as much as possible without judging them for their past. But at the same time, be careful and watch for dangerous patterns in your relationship. Time will reveal the true character of the partner and show whether the past experience was a mistake that is time to let go.
Also, be careful if your partner is close to their exes . This isn’t always a bad thing, and it all depends on the nature of the relationship. If it’s unhealthy, codependent, emotionally unstable on either side, or has unresolved feelings, this could be a problem for you. Boundaries need to be respected in any relationship, especially with an ex.
- Your relationship has changed for the worse
Relationships inevitably change over time, and some changes can be “pink flags” in themselves. Perhaps you’ve stopped investing in the relationship and communicating with each other. Or your physical relationship has changed completely. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it can be a red flag, indicating a tipping point or impasse that could be worth talking about and preventing the pink flag from turning into a red flag.