There are many people, both men and women who suffer covert abuse in marriage and do not realize that it is happening to them, they simply feel that something is not right, that they are having a bad time. Nowadays, if someone hits you, yells at you or despises you, you know that they are abusing you because you quickly identify it. Covert abuse is subtle and disguised as normal actions, sometimes full of love. A passive aggressive person is an abuser but he hides it very well.
Passive aggressive behavior occurs when a person is not able to express anger in a healthy way, they repress their feelings so much that they do not even realize what they feel. They do not understand their own feelings and usually feel that others are misinterpreting their behavior.
The most common passive aggressive behaviors
There are some very common passive aggressive behaviors that can occur in a marriage and that it is necessary to learn to identify to know if you are really in front of this type of person in your relationship. It is important that you realize it because remember that parents are the greatest example for their children, and if children see this behavior, they will also do it thinking that it is normal.
- Contradictory actions. Passive aggressive people rarely say what they really feel or do what they really want to do. They do not act until they cause stress to other people by poor and ambiguous communication.
- They are forgetful. They tend to forget things regularly because if they ‘forget’ they cannot be reprimanded.
- They are never ‘to blame’ for anything. They are not and do not want to be responsible for their actions. They tend to blame others, even if it is their own children, in order to get rid of it. For these people it is everyone else who makes mistakes but they do not have the courage to face what they have really done.
- They seem calm … but they are not. Passive aggressives seem calm towards people who don’t really know them, but at home they are explosive. He does not know how to express his anger in a healthy way because possibly as a child he was not allowed to get angry. If he does not have explosive behaviors, he will have manipulative or covert abuse behaviors.
- Emotional dependent. Passive aggressive people do not want to be alone because they do not want to fight against their own needs and they try to control their partner and even their children so that they ‘do not abandon them’. They want you to think that they do not depend on you but the relationship can be a constant battle.
- They are expert victims. Passive aggressive people are victims and always feel that they are being treated unfairly. If you get angry about their stress they get offended because in their mind others are to blame for their stress.
- They have their own hours. They have their own hours and they don’t care how you feel if they are late or if they do things at their own pace. If you expect something different from what he does, you will be guilty of his emotional distress.
The relationship with a passive aggressive person
A passive aggressive person wants to have a relationship with someone who will withstand his hostility and who is able to resist all his demands. They tend to be with people with low self-esteem who excuse their bad behavior. These people never keep their agreements and promises, something really frustrating for the children too. They will avoid their responsibilities and misbehave, but at the same time they will be loving with their partner and children because of their fear of abandonment.
When there are family or relationship problems, he will only see things through his own concept of reality and if necessary he will withdraw so he does not have to face his actions. They will distort reality at their convenience or lie whatever it takes to make their reality the most logical of all. They will always generate conflict situations with negative consequences in the short and long term for all those involved.
A passive aggressive person will say one thing, do another, and then deny having said the first. They want their partner or the people around them to read their mind to satisfy their needs and if not… their role as victim in the world begins. He can’t stand criticism and he doesn’t express how he feels… you must guess.
