Children: kiss on the mouth, yes or no?

First of all it is not a kiss in the mouth, as I have often read, but on the mouth . “Kiss in the mouth” gives that awkward and out of measure sense that with a child, our son, just doesn’t fit. Starting from this, it is right to kiss i our babies on the lips ?

According to my experience, yes and a thousand times yes, until age and them modesty allow it. Yes, modesty. Because if our six-year-old really doesn’t like him because of his very personal matter, I don’t see the reason why we have to “impose” a kiss on his mouth, nor the reason why – we Italian mothers – we should resent his “refusal”. Having said that, s and mum and dad find nothing wrong with it and the little boy feels gratified by it, welcome are the kisses on that beautiful little mouth .

There are many debates that are found online about whether it was appropriate or not to kiss one’s children on the mouth, under penalty of their future “ confusion ” on sexual orientations, who kisses who, who they are and where I come from. They seem a little excessive.

Obviously, if they come from expert sources and if they have their logical foundation, all the advice is welcome. Then it ‘s up to us parents , immersed body and soul in our family background, in the context in which we live and, we do not forget it, in the personality of our child, to decide what is right and what is not . Kisses on the mouth included.

My mother has always given me kisses on the lips, from here I grew up with the idea that it is an innocent and natural gesture , light years away from any form of perversity. Those kisses have faded with age, simply. And I still don’t see anything wrong with it and that’s why I do it, if it happens, even with my children.

But, in short, is it right or not ? Beyond every single experience, I don’t think there is an absolute truth. Overcoming those horrifying theories that see kisses on the mouth as a good opportunity for some virus to sneak into the child’s little body (not even if we had the plague), I consider the kiss on the mouth as a hug or a caress . If they offer my mouth instead of a cheek, I kiss them more than willingly (outside and inside the house). And it is equally true that this thing is now more spontaneous with the 2-year-old than with (almost) 6 .

And here is the second key word after modesty: spontaneity . With both of them I had this “custom” in the most natural way possible and, if with the former it has (already) gone a little by the way with the same naturalness, the latter is still in the ” mom is all for me ” phase . And it is absolutely not true that they went looking for this “form” of greeting with anyone, not even with their grandparents.

NO TO THE KISS ON THE MOUTH – But it is true that there are considerable opinions on the matter that would define a clear age line beyond which it would be good to stop with this story. If in the first few years the kiss on the mouth is a healthy gesture of affection and is experienced as such by the child, from 4/5 years of age one enters the phase called ” oedipal development “, in which relationships reach an erotic sphere, in particular in the relationship between son and mother and between daughter and father. Many therefore argue that the gesture of kissing the mouth could then embarrass or create sexual fantasies. Furthermore, precisely because the child sees the kiss on the mouth as a natural gesture, he may tend to replicate it with others.

Against the kisses on the mouths to their children thunders Charlotte Reznick, professor of clinical psychology at the University of Los Angeles, according to which it is a matter of non- educational gestures that, when they cease, will create confusion on the fantasies for the interruption of a gesture that was given for granted and, above all, as healthy and pure.

In short, what is true is that there are myriad ways to show affection for our children . If it makes you uncomfortable or you don’t do it naturally, there is no reason why you should kiss them on the mouth. Remember that they experience any form of difficulty and any type of sensation or emotion they experience exactly how you are able to transmit it. But a kiss, that of pure affection, must never be missing.

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