Children of Divorce and Their Different Views of Love

Contrary to popular belief, we are neither fragile nor broken. No, we are strong, thoughtful and full of wisdom.

I was born in 1990 and among the children of my generation, many are whose parents are divorced. Already at school, children with still married parents were scarce!

At the same time, divorce is a trivial matter for us. People separate and their children have to learn to cope with it. It’s like that for many of us!

But when we come out of a divorce, our vision of love is impacted (without this necessarily being negative). We love differently.

We grew up between two homes and this obviously influenced our relationship with romantic relationships and the family model. Today, we have become adults and we are trying to come to terms with this heritage, which is certainly a bit special but also enriching.

Yes, rewarding because you’ve learned to glimpse love with more insight than most other young adults. We had to grow up faster and we learned a lot from our experiences.

But beware, don’t get me wrong, this heritage we are talking about is an asset and not a handicap!

We often have difficulty engaging

We have become cautious. We do not open up to the first comer and we pay attention to those we let enter our world. Our heart is a rare prize that must be won by dint of effort!

But beware, the divorce of our parents did not prevent us from believing in love. Rather, we believe in true love , the one that is hard to find but that is full of wonders.

But we have witnessed the sorrows and pains that love can bring. For this reason, we often have trouble getting involved and even have the annoying tendency to push others away …

Getting past our barriers will certainly require a little more time and effort than with someone whose family life was different. But believe me, it’s worth it.

We have our feet on the ground

We are realistic and pragmatic. Fairy tales and happy endings, very little for us! In fact, we know that love isn’t always enough and that maintaining a lasting relationship takes more than that.

We’re all different, but most of us aren’t romantics. No need for dozens of roses and languid slow to seduce us! We know that a relationship goes beyond this superficiality. We want more than empty promises. We want acts of love.

The two main qualities we look for are loyalty and communication.

We also learned clairvoyance. We can read between the lines and decipher people. We have also seen and heard everything: nothing shocks us anymore! So feel free to be honest with us, we are not afraid of the truth. We are no longer children.

We are not looking for perfection

We said it, we are realistic and in fact, we understood well that the life was made of chances. Life is unpredictable and full of surprises.

We also know the realities of marriage . Relocations, transfers, resignations, unemployment, illness or even death: anything can happen and we are fully aware of it. We are prepared for it, at least as far as we can be.

In short, we know that married life is not a fairy tale and that we get married for better, as for worse.

And then come the children. The days with and the days without, etc. We want a partner who will be able to accompany us and support us throughout all our trials and also all our happiness.

Personally, I don’t want a man who only cares about the outfit I wear or the makeup I put on. I want someone who accepts me as I am in everyday life. Someone who wants to take me on a trip as much as spending a day with me watching TV.

I want a life partner, not a “buddy” to post pictures with on Instagram.

We know what we want and what we don’t want!

We learned that in life you are always alone. So we also learned to think of ourselves first. We focus on our own well-being and on the ways to evolve, to grow.

Likewise, our priorities are often similar: our studies, our professional life, our beliefs and our family.

We are fiercely independent and self-reliant beings. Above all, we do not want to depend on others and even less on the person with whom we share our life. Because the truth is, you never know if that person will be there forever …

Again, you never know what life has in store for you. 

Like many other young people, we want to start a family. But we know the importance of focusing first on our studies, then on developing our professional career. We want to be financially independent before we have to raise children. We want to be able to offer them the best.

We have very specific expectations and goals and we will never settle for less or mediocrity. Our family journey has for the most part been quite chaotic and we are sure of one thing: we want it to be different for our children.

We don’t half love

We know that a romantic relationship requires effort, work on yourself and a lot of work together! For us, it is serious. Love is not something you take lightly.

We also know the importance of never taking the other for granted. If love is born easily, it can die just as quickly.

We are demanding and difficult, perhaps because of what our parents went through. We know the difficulties and have also learned to do our best to avoid or overcome them. We know that arguments are inevitable. We know that secrets are bad and the root of many ruptures.

We know nothing is perfect, neither us nor you, our current or future relationships. But divorce is not an option. So we want to be sure of ourselves. We don’t want to start a relationship, if not to make it last.

We can’t help it but witnessing what our parents went through made us stronger. Their mistakes have made us wiser. The way they learn from their mistakes has taught us a lot.

We are much more mature than we should be and we have succeeded in making this story of ours a real strength, at the service of our own romantic relationships.

 

Despite everything, we are proud of our parents

Make no mistake, we are not throwing stones at our parents. They did their best and we are grateful to them. We do not judge their decisions and on the contrary try to understand them.

We also understood that not all relationships are made to last and it is a truth that must be accepted as you grow up.

To be completely honest, I believe that my parents’ divorce has been a blessing for all of us. Today, I realize that they certainly weren’t meant for each other.

I also believe that it has been a real wealth for my current life. 

Thanks to them, I learned to face life and to live it more serenely, by accepting whatever it is that puts in my path. I learned to take things lightly and above all, I learned that love is a precious commodity.

I know what I want for myself and what I want for my children. I know what I want from a relationship and a life partner. In short, I know who I am and it is a real gift nowadays.

 

by Abdullah Sam
I’m a teacher, researcher and writer. I write about study subjects to improve the learning of college and university students. I write top Quality study notes Mostly, Tech, Games, Education, And Solutions/Tips and Tricks. I am a person who helps students to acquire knowledge, competence or virtue.

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