Psychotherapy is not a magic wand. It can’t make you a completely different person or give you a fairytale life on a tray.
But it can definitely help you improve your love relationship . See how:
Therapy helps you find out who you really are
Imagine that you have hired someone to build the house of your dreams. And he tells you, “Great, just tell me what it looks like,” and you say, “I have no idea, but I expect you to build this house!”
It’s like expecting someone to love you and build a strong bond with you when you don’t even really know what “you” really means. Is it any wonder that others accept you as a rather confused person, or that you too easily comply with the wishes of others, and then as if you suddenly panic and run away from love?
If you have grown up indulging others, doing what is expected of you, it is not surprising that you cannot recognize your true desires, your true self. Therapy will help you discover your true nature and teach you how to understand yourself.
Therapy will help you understand what love really is
Did you grow up in a family where love never seemed to be enough? With parents who (say) have been somehow distant and cold, or always in conflict? Or they just couldn’t give you the unconditional love that every child needs so much?
When we lack enough love in our lives, on the one hand we tend to create unrealistic ideas about love. On the other hand, we become captives of our unconscious beliefs that repel love. Examples of such beliefs are: “Love is dangerous”, “Love will take away my freedom”, “I can’t be myself when I’m in a relationship”, “I’m afraid I’ll fall in love and be rejected”, “No I believe in marriage, because the magic ends only after a few months, then the torment begins.
The therapist knows what love is. He can teach you how to build a healthy relationship and has already helped many others to do so. That’s why it can help you too.
Thanks to the therapy you will be able to find a new perspective on love, which will not only work, but will also help you identify and change your unnecessary beliefs about love.
Therapy will help you identify the real reasons that prevent you from loving
If you think that what prevents you from loving lies in statements like: “I’m not smart enough, beautiful, sexy, attractive, successful”, think again.
The obstacles that really block love are almost always psychological. These include things like:
cognitive distortions (unrealistic thinking, idealized image of the potential partner);
negative basic beliefs about oneself;
anxiety;
attachment problem;
codependence (a condition characterized by complete absorption of another person. All thoughts and actions are directed only at him);
fear of abandonment;
low self-esteem;
lack of identity;
problem with the desire to control everything, including the partner;
fear of intimacy (excessive and daily intimacy is a problem for many).
Once you start working on these and other similar psychological barriers with your therapist, you will see real changes in the way you treat others.
Therapy will help you see the difference between what you think you want and what you actually want
Too many of us don’t even know what is important to them and what they really want from their lives and relationships until they start therapy.
We live blinded by the expectations of our families, friends and colleagues. We don’t even realize that we are trying to impress others, all we know is that we are unhappy.
You hardly wonder how many times you have sabotaged your relationships with your frantic desire to thrive in life, or with your desire to look like others, to meet their expectations, or with your efforts to make everything you do correspond to the values of your parents, although these values do not match yours. At the same time you can long for a creative, adventurous and free life for example…
Therapy is a weekly example of what a relationship you can trust and share with yourself
Here’s what therapy is – it’s the connection itself. Yes, you pay for it, but it is still a trusting, consistent and supportive relationship.
Every week, when you meet with your therapist, you have the opportunity to connect with someone who has health skills. This in itself can change the way you connect with others.
