How to learn to trust
Why, according to Eurispes data, 47 percent of Italians say they are ready to leave our country? For the same reason that drives one in four people to look suspiciously at all people with Middle Eastern traits: lack of trust . An increasingly widespread feeling, which makes us live on thorns. «What makes us human is exactly the opposite: to believe in the future and in others» says Alessandro Lombardo , psychotherapist.
“Knowing that we can count on the community around us, for example, is the glue of all our bonds, from love to friendship , to working relationships . And even in these times of great pessimism, which can lead us to doubt everything and everyone, we must never give up hope : it would mean abandoning ourselves to apathy and isolation, the great evil of our society “.
We asked 4 experts how to find an optimistic gaze, to rebuild trust and not lose heart.
Positive emotions and self-esteem: thus feed the virtuous circle
Give time a chance to rebuild trust
«I immediately say that trust is not recovered, if anything it is rebuilt . After a serious event that affects us, such as the betrayal of a loved one or the unexpected loss of work, it is normal not to see a way out. In those moments, the best thing to do is accept the pain and let time take its course. Sooner or later, a small spark of optimism will rekindle in us , even if that relationship is not recoverable or if finding a job seems impossible.
Trust is independent of the people we bond with or the individual circumstances of life and can always come back, even if it will be different. It is like a house that, destroyed by the earthquake, is rebuilt in the same place, but it will never be the same again. Similarly, when an unpleasant event causes hope to collapse , a new , more mature and aware feeling is born from the rubble . It also happens to children, when the mother makes them a promise that she does not keep. Once the disappointment is over , the little ones rely on her again, but with a critical spirit that, when needed, makes them capable of questioning the words of adults ».
Alessandro Lombardo , occupational psychologist
Grasp the positive signs to look to the future with confidence
“It is true, at this moment there are serious reasons to worry, such as job insecurity , the future of young people, politics that does not prove itself up to the problems to be faced. But it is also true that there are positive signs and you need to know how to grasp them if you want to look to the future with confidence . In addition to the threats, the globalized economy offers more opportunities. Thanks to the web, for example, whoever has a winning idea can count on an unlimited user base like the whole world. Start-ups require the ability to do a little bit of everything and manage multiple things at the same time. In this, women are favored and there are many examples of good ideas that have been able to establish themselves on the market.
The reason is not enough to foster trust, you must seek an ally that speaks to the heart . For this I suggest reading . Fill up with optimism , rediscovering the classics of literature, including great love stories : even those that do not have a happy ending give us the ability to get excited and dream big.
Marco Magnani , economist.
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Find a positive outlook through contact with reality
«Trust needs physical proximity , intersecting glances and contact . We can’t fully believe in the next one, if he or she is just an email address or a Facebook profile. Unfortunately, virtual communication depersonalizes human beings and takes away the hope that there is something good in others.
To find a positive outlook, you must first of all leave the house , move away from your desk and deal directly with people: in the office, at the market or perhaps in a dance school. Movement and physical contact can heal our frailties. When we let ourselves be touched by someone, take their hand or drag us into a spin, we retrace the first moment when we were lulled by our mother and felt safe. Reliving that experience helps us to feel that we can trust others , leaving behind the disappointments that life has reserved for us ».
Leandra Perrotta , psychodramatist and dance therapist Movement
Grasp what’s good in a relationship
«If today human relationships are increasingly liquid, that is unstable and changeable, it is also due to the tendency that human beings have to forget the good things too quickly.
The trust , as well as forgiveness , is a valuable asset and discard lightly, without a serious reason, it means emptying one’s life. In fact, there are always traces of good in a relationship in crisis, be it a love story or a friendship. When someone disappoints us, it’s easy to say “I don’t trust him anymore” and then turn your back so as not to run the risk of getting hurt a second time. But we need reasonableness. In reality we should ask ourselves if there are really elements to be wary of that person. And ask ourselves what tied us to her and when was the last time she was close to us. ”