Who is in danger of a bad marriage and why is it better to avoid it.
People who cannot boast of good marriage relationships often have flaws in a partner. And he says not so, and earns little, and his hands are clearly not “golden,” and in general, it’s still necessary to look for a worse person. So I would have come across one that suited my character, always understood perfectly, anticipated desire – there would have been no price for him.
But the psychology of relationships in marriage is such that both husband and wife are always responsible for building normal harmonious relationships.
And before lowering all dogs to another, you should start with yourself.
Talk to a psychologist.
Who should change a little before marriage
There are representatives of society whose character traits are detrimental to family relationships. Not because they are bad people, but because they are not yet ready to change for the sake of building a family. And you need to start a family not by searching for a partner (he will run away anyway), but by searching for yourself.
Unhappy marriage threatens those who:
· Ready to turn any unpleasant trifle into an event of world scale.
At the same time, it’s both bitter and funny when a tyrant starts to wind up because of a trifle like unwashed dishes or a book put on the wrong shelf. Even in those cases when you can absolutely calmly make a chosen one a brief remark (or generally keep silent because of a trifle), the buoy will scream, be rude, insult. Living with such a person is a real punishment.
· Always the best (the smartest, the most working, the kindest).
Naturally, such an ideal person is simply obliged to become a guiding star for his partner. Therefore, he considers it a duty to insert his orders here and there:
– “I know how to spend money, because you always do everything like that”;
“I will decide where and with whom we will spend the holidays.”
In addition to constant indications of how to live, criticism
is often heard from the lips of such a person: “If it weren’t for me, you would have slipped into the abyss a long time ago”;
– “Only you could do that, but if you had listened to me …”.
Coexistence with a home critic-commander is not for everyone.
· Presses on a partner.
This manipulator man is blackmailing his chosen one with tears, death, and talk about an unfortunate fate. Constantly composing something and playing a role. In other words, seeks his from a husband or wife by any means.
Read on Manipulation in Family Conflicts and Quarrels
· He does not want to concede.
Seriously, there are people who understand that they did wrong, but don’t want to admit their mistake and apologize. Admitting that they were wrong is like a knockout in the ring. Could relations between spouses in a marriage be happy if one of them is overly stubborn – a big question.
· Does not take into account the opinion of the spouse.
Not always, even between ideal partners there is complete mutual understanding, but respect should be. Those who hear and value only their “I” are doomed to a bad marriage. And the thoughts and feelings of the husband (wife) are obviously wrong and insignificant for them. Then what’s the point in such a marriage?
· Rejoices at the problems of his companion (companion).
Maybe even maliciously, but with some satisfaction, comments on the next failure of a loved one:
– “Well, as I said, they will not accept you for this position, you are naive”;
– “Don’t worry, I knew that you would again be disgraced in public, you are so clumsy.”
· Releases all the negative on the husband (wife).
Usually a bad marriage is guaranteed to those who are not able to bring positive emotions to family life. Constant reproaches, grievances, jokes and elevated conversations make the relationship of spouses in marriage unbearable. Inability to restrain and excessive self-indulgence will destroy any family.
· Notices all the shortcomings of the partner.
There are comrades who, in moments of quarrel (or simply in a bad mood), are able to recall to their loved ones everything: the unsightly sides of their character, bad habits, and some kind of blunders. It seems that they are driven by hatred rather than love. A poor marriage bursts at the seams.
How to prevent an unhappy marriage
Think about whether you are making the above mistakes? Do all the problems in your family really come from the husband (wife)? The psychology of relationships in marriage is always tied to two, therefore both are usually guilty of marital misfortune. So that marriage is not doomed, you need to work on yourself.
Who does not face a bad marriage and divorce
To maintain a strong family relationship, you need to work. Therefore, try:
· Keeping calm.
And look for a way out of a difficult situation with the help of peace negotiations without insults and increased intonations.
· Look soberly at your strengths and weaknesses.
Of course, do not underestimate yourself, but you should not idealize either.
· Never be manipulated.
If something does not suit you, tell me directly. Suppose you don’t want all the numerous relatives of your husband to come for the New Year holidays. Better talk to him calmly and explain that you wanted to spend magical midnight only together. And then, by Christmas, to call all relatives to the table with dishes. If you start to bustle and remain silent, it will only get worse. Both of you.
· Learn to compromise and admit your mistakes.
If your partner made a comment, you should not immediately accept it with aggression. Perhaps you are really bending the stick in something.
· Respect the opinion of the husband (wife).
Even if his (or her) judgments and actions seem incorrect. You, of course, have the right to express your opinion, but it should not sound like the truth in the last resort.
· Support a loved one if he is not well.
Sometimes it’s better to just be silent, sitting down next to you, than to start a moralizing song (like “I knew in advance that this would happen”).
· More care.
Embrace your dear person more often, say kind words to him, notice your virtues, give thanks even for trifles, give compliments, give presents for no reason, laugh together. Less sarcasm and neglect – “stroke, not scratch”.
· Do not frustrate the partner.
Even if your mood is spoiled, the chef shouted, they cut their salaries, and annoying neighbors get into their own business again, do not be rude to your close one. It’s better to ask you not to touch you for a while, get distracted, walk around the city, beat a pillow.
· Stop looking for cons in the person you live with.
Believe me, even with an ideal partner, you can create a bad marriage. Especially if there is no place for respect, warmth and compassion in the relationship. You can live happily, even reconciling with some imperfection of the husband or wife.
Phenomenally difficult? Not at all. Maintaining a strong relationship without reducing all efforts to divorce is not so difficult.
How to avoid an unhappy marriage
If you recognize yourself in the first part of the article and dare to change, change! Do not wait for an opportunity. “Practice” with others. Only the change of habitual patterns of behavior to others can save you from a bad marriage. Unsuccessful relationships also develop with good people . But it is in your power to change the very foundation of your marriage. It’ll be hard! But you can handle it.