Affective relationships: how am I affecting myself in my relationship?

When talking about affections, we need to understand them as a series of feelings that we can feel through family, loving relationships or in groups of friends. They can be feelings of anger, joy, anguish, sadness , among other expressions.

In general, all relationships make these feelings possible at some point, because when we live with other people we go through disagreements, meetings and disagreements in dialogues .

In affective relationships of couples, we need to discuss the presence of each of these ways of feeling. When building a relationship, people seek a relationship of companionship, affection, attention and care, which in consequence, generate joyful affections.

The joy of being in a healthy relationship makes individual development in all sectors of life (work, university, family, etc.) happen in a creative and inventive way ( MARQUES, 2020).

Sad affections in relationships happen for several reasons, ranging from disagreements between the couple, to situations of jealousy . Could we then say that it is a common thing to feel sad affections in relationships? To some extent, yes. These affections can happen at a given moment, but not with continuity, causing feelings of malaise, helplessness or depreciating the partner’s self-esteem.

Joyful affections

The joyful affections in relationships should be the most common, considering that they are the ones that enable the maintenance of a stable and healthy relationship. A safe relationship makes it possible for the couple together to walk a journey of companionship in which they can grow together.

Work relationships become more fluid, family relationships safer, being with friends provides security and fun, and all this is interconnected, because feeling welcomed in a loving relationship makes you face your life more spontaneous way.

Sad affections 

In order to discuss sad affections, I would like to bring them up through three points: disagreements, jealousy and abusive relationships.

  1. Disagreements: the coexistence between two people with singular opinions will inevitably generate disagreements. This would be something common within relationships between couples. Disagreements can happen about the movie they want to watch, which show they want to go to, which decoration model to choose for the home. However, they are occasional discussions that are sometimes resolved quickly. This does not mean that they do not generate stress or wear and tear; they can generate, because the way in which feelings each thing is individual to each person, and that is why it is always important to remain calm, seek to understand the partner and thus measure what each one can or cannot give up for that the disagreement is resolved.
  2. Jealousy: The so-called “jealousy crises” can happen due to different circumstances. They range from problems of self– esteem to feelings of insecurity present in the relationship. With that, it is necessary to be aware of the reasons that lead to jealousy. We can go in two ways: 1) connected to you – You who are jealous of your partner frequently, you need to identify the reasons for these behaviors by raising questions such as: “I feel jealous very often?”, “Which reasons my partner gives me to make me feel this way? ”,“ Is it common behavior in all my relationships? ”,“ My jealousy is linked to my boyfriend’s actions or my insecurities? ”These questions serve as a kick to generate reflections that enable your behavior change, creating relationship strategies that are healthier for you and your partner. 2) linked to the other – In this way, you must seek to understand what your partner has done to make you jealous, some questions that can be raised are:  Has he / she betrayed me ?,“ My / does my partner not respect my requests? ”,“ Am I feeling welcomed in my relationship? ”,“ Has my partner put me down, creating insecurities in me? ”So it is possible for you to start elaborating what affections your relationship is giving you, realizing them, you can talk to your partner, drawing resolutions to combine the relationship’s interests and solve these problems. The ways to resolve it can range from behavioral changes to the search for professionals to assist you in this process.
  3. Abusive relationships Regarding abusive relationships, the questions you should ask go in a different order. It is worth mentioning that abuses can happen in several ways: physical, verbal, psychological or sexual. To begin, I will bring some scores:
  4. Abusive relationshipsdo not produce healthy affection;
  5. Relationships hardly begin to be abusive, these abuses are built little by little;
  6. Getting out of an abusive relationship will never be easy;
  7. You do not deserve to experience any abusive affection.

In that sense, it is necessary that you start by identifying what are the reasons that lead you to stay in that relationship. Undoubtedly, the first one is abuse. The way in which it is built holds you, sucks and suffocates you, and even with these feelings, the difficulty of disconnecting is immense.

Each person in their unique universe will have specific reasons to seek to sustain the relationship , reasons that are sometimes difficult to identify. However, we can start from some questions, such as: “Have I experienced other abusive relationships?”, “How do I see myself in this relationship?”, “How do I see my partner?”, “Do I deserve to experience a destructive relationship?”, “Can I free myself from this relationship alone?” .

Draw these reflections, even if you do not reach conclusions, but they will be one of the first steps for you to recognize yourself and recognize what makes you stay in this cycle ( SCORSOLINI-COMIN & SANTOS, 2010).

Abusive relationships end up interfering in all areas of your life, such as at work , in the cycle of friendships, with your family members, at university or school. Getting out of them or reconstructing them is the possibility of facing life in a healthier way, with joyful affections, with reciprocal care.

Finally, there must always be an understanding that these sad affects cannot be frequent and you must always be aware of what has generated them within your relationship, both to seek actions to resolve, as well as ways of coping. Frequent sad affects are not normal.

How does psychotherapy help you in the process of sad affects? 

Initially, the psychotherapeutic space is a space for welcoming, listening, where there is no type of judgment. Their affections are widely accepted. In this space, you will have a place of speech, where you can express yourself and take new paths on how you feel your affections and how you express them.

The feelings generated by disagreements, jealousies or abusive relationships are diverse and you do not always need to be able to deal with them alone. The search for psychotherapy should be seen as a step towards self-maturation.

A space where you can reinvent the way you see yourself (o), producing more empowerment, increasing your self-esteem and enabling you to place yourself in your relationships actively, without being at the mercy of the other’s actions.


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