We speak more and more often of emotional dependence not only in magazines or social networks but also in
academic and clinical environments, so much so that it has recently been officially recognized as an
affective disorder of the psychic sphere.
But, after all, what are we talking about when we mention emotional dependence?
Affective dependence is recognized as one of the new addictions, because the subject does not depend on a substance but on a relationship. In fact, emotional dependence is a way of living the pathological relationship . Those affected by this disorder come to deny their own needs and spaces as a function of the relationship that becomes the only purpose of life.
The period of falling in love
Taking into consideration the period of falling in love, the initial phase of a love relationship, it would be difficult to distinguish this disorder from the normal development of the most authentic feeling of love towards the other.
In fact, falling in love produces a strong investment in the partner which corresponds to an emptying of oneself: love, esteem and all the most positive feelings are deposited and attributed to the other.
The presence of the other makes everything possible and instills strength and courage.
In union with one’s partner one feels invincible and unbeatable.
The period of falling in love is probably the most intense and wonderful experience that a human being can experience in his life.
As in any situation so happy and full of promises, we tend not to consider another aspect: where does the investment in the other take its basis?
In falling in love the subject empties himself of love for himself, investing every crumb of self-love in the partner. During this period, when the other is missing, one can feel lost, disoriented, incomplete like never before. I can feel complete as long as I am one with the object of my love and it is this fusion, which is also sought after by the partner, that guarantees the sense of wholeness for both.
The transition from falling in love to mature love
The passage from the phase of falling in love to mature love consists in the consolidation of emotions and passions in more lasting and stable positive feelings such as esteem, trust, tenderness. Each of the partners experiences these feelings and in this passage there is also a progressive separation towards mutual independence as a consequence of the reabsorption of part of that love that had been invested in the other.
However, the transition from falling in love to love must not be considered as a merely temporal aspect, but rather it must be thought from a logical perspective. In fact, if this step were to be completed definitively, with time independence would risk turning into indifference and all feelings, cooled down, may want to look elsewhere for a new object. For feelings to survive it is important to engage in a right and healthy alternation between falling in love and mature love.
Why can falling in love lead to emotional dependence?
The variables are numerous and are not only on a personal level, but also at the level of the couple’s interaction. In fact , it is not certain that a person will always develop dependence towards partners, but it is more likely that he will develop dependence towards a particular partner, or towards more partners who however share the same characteristics.
Affective dependence is often aimed at partners who have the typical traits of the narcissist , that is, someone who shows off great confidence and who, consequently, is perceived as a safe person.
Security is an important factor at play, in the context of emotional dependence, because it is precisely the trait that undermines and at the same time also ignites the feeling.
Those affected by emotional addiction usually think they are in control of the situation at the beginning and for love endure everything, even extreme situations. When the relationship ends (usually the addicted person is left) those suffering from emotional dependence do not find meaning in their existence and the love felt becomes an obsession.
The transition from mastery to loss of control sharpens the need for the other, only when he is present does one return to feeling good. We talk about emotional dependence because the general process of addiction reappears, like addiction to alcohol or drugs, we find the material and concrete need for the other to feel good.
Healing from emotional addiction
You can heal from emotional addiction, and taking a psychological path can certainly help you overcome this disorder. The roots of an emotional dependence must be sought in one’s own experience and in one’s family ties. An individual path can make aware and release repressed feelings or traumas experienced.
