When there is abuse, there is no love. See the reasons

When we start a relationship, it never occurs to us that we could become victims of abuse. It is sad, but the desire to “keep control” over some situations causes many couples to fall into the deep abyss of domestic violence and, in general, when violence is allowed, getting out of it is increasingly difficult.

Physical and emotional abuse within a marriage is not linked to a specific culture or social class, marriages of young or mature people, nor is it exclusively against women. To be even more concrete, even dating right now is contaminated with this evil. What is even more worrying is that it involves not only the person directly affected, but also the loved ones of the victim of abuse. The experts classify the abuse into the following types:

Physical abuse: punches, kicks or shoves.

Forced sexual intercourse, sexual submission or any other type of sexual connection.

Emotional abuse: profanity, intimidation, humiliation.

Controlling or restrictive behaviors , such as keeping the person away from loved ones or preventing the victim from having access to information or medical assistance.

Usually, victims of abuse suffer in silence for a long time because they are subjected to intimidation. All types of violence have triggers, of which we are not usually aware, but  in all cases, the conduct obeys a syndrome that specialists classify in three or four stages:

Increasing tension

Raised by the daily accumulation of tensions caused by conflicting situations, which are repressed or minimized under feelings of despair, disgust and depression.

Explosion

In this phase, the accumulation and repression of tensions are concentrated in a single moment, when the person explodes emotionally through violent acts or physical, verbal, emotional or sexual aggressions.

Remorse

The aggressor apologizes for his actions and recognizes the aggression perpetrated; since guilt damages your self-esteem, and this facilitates the restart of these three cyclical phases.

It is important to know this cycle, as it is very easy that, at some point in life, you or someone you know may experience something similar. It is very useful to distinguish this fine line between true love and an “illusion of wicked love”. I was a victim of this and I think it is good to recognize it so that I can learn to distinguish true love from sick love, which will only harm us to the point of losing confidence in ourselves and faith in others.

How to avoid a relationship with an aggressor?

If you’re already involved with someone who tends to mistreat you, take action.

I am not saying to fight back, or to put yourself on the same level, what I propose is that, at the first show of aggression, the relationship ends.

Don’t accept screams

Screams precede insults, and after that, physical violence will soon appear.

Do not allow any sexual approach that you do not want

Express your discomfort directly and don’t allow it.

Don’t keep silent

“What is silent, consents”, if you are one of those people who, to avoid a conflict, say nothing and hold up, you are giving the opportunity for the abuse to start, because other people may conclude that you agree with the situation, already that says nothing.

You may think that since they abuse you, you can abuse others too

A very common response to abuse is this, so don’t allow it, or it can even abuse those who love you most.

The abuse can be extensive

Your violent partner will not only take your frustrations out on you: your children and even your family can become victims of aggression.

Complaint

Many murders within marriage today are preceded by physical and verbal violence. What is recommended is to report the abuse.

If it hits once, it will hit again

No matter how many flowers, serenades, gifts or excuse cards he gives you; if the situation has appeared once, there is a risk that it will present itself again. People change, it is true, but abusers rarely change. In most cases, it is best to run away. It will never be enough to position yourself, love yourself and respect yourself.

Much has been said in this regard, but the violence in our society is only growing. A slap or a shout is not love, and where there is violence there is no respect; a partner who loves her will never resort to violence. For more information, I invite you to read this article on relationships and emotional abuse .

 

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