t is not an easy task to get men and women to agree, although it is not impossible. Sometimes it is difficult for them to understand each other, as men are from Mars and women are from Venus. But that difference is precisely what attracts us.
As much as we try to improve communication, men often use phrases that irritate our ears and leave us standing on end. Of course we also have ours! But today we’re going to focus on those phrases that women don’t want to hear from men.
- “Do you want me to wash your dishes for you?”
The “for you” is too much. It took me a while to educate my husband about this concept. He was one of those who used to say that phrase, exactly as it is written. In recent decades, due to the prevailing patriarchal society in which women wash dishes and men sit down to rest, this statement has been quite common.
Fortunately, things are changing , and men go hand in hand with their wives on many of the household chores. The phrase should be “Do you want me to do the dishes?”, Because you are not doing yourself a favor, but sharing a responsibility.
- “Are you at TPM or what?
Men often think that if something bothers us, or we get angry or criticize some behavior, it’s because hormones speak for us. It’s not always like that, guys! Sometimes their attitudes turn us upside down.
If you are annoyed that your partner uses this phrase disparagingly, talk to him properly and let him know that we have a right to complain or be angry without hiding behind our emotional ups and downs.
- “I already apologized!”
Yes it’s true. And we appreciate it, but don’t repeat, please. When we ask for the tenth time to lower the toilet seat or not to leave crumbs on the table; or when we say that we are bothered by the way they say something to us, we accept the excuses; but sometimes we feel that this sentence is a justification.
Apologies are welcome and speak of a beautiful gesture , but they must be accompanied by an action that denotes the notion of error. Saying with an ugly face “I already apologized!” Makes us angry, because we feel that whoever says it is, in fact, upset by having to acknowledge the mistake.
- “I forgot”
Women love small gestures. And when our men forget a special date, we are heartbroken. Without going too far, even when they bring vanilla ice cream when we expressly ask for chocolate, we can’t stand it.
Men, we want you to listen to us and not forget what we ask or say. When you say “I forgot”, you are telling us that you did not record what we told you or what we agreed to do.
- “Men are like this”
Wait a second! But what an outrageous excuse! No, they are not like that. They are not all the same. Therefore, there is no justification. We know that you can do your best and that you have a huge heart to love us.
They do not need to fit the label imposed by society, nor should they justify their actions under the shield of masculinity. We are not going to naturalize the things that can be changed, the acts that can be improved and the attitudes that continue to fuel macho behavior.
Chinese or Italian food? To the mountains or to the beach? Do we go to the cinema or watch some movies at home? If we didn’t care about our husbands’ opinions, we wouldn’t ask them; so we don’t know why men insist on saying that it doesn’t matter.
Yes, maybe it really does so much for them, because they love us so much, they want to give us the power of decision. But, you know, sometimes we like to know that the decision is shared and agreed.
- “Why are you so complicated?”
Women hear, until they say enough, that they are “complicated” or “difficult”; and even we say that. But there is nothing that bothers us more than that phrase at a time when we need to resolve or decide something.
Men are more linear and direct when making a decision, it is true, and we think much more before acting. Anyway, we don’t like to be told this phrase in the form of an offense, because we are not complicated, we just take the time to think, decide and act.
- “My mom does better”
Your mother-in-law may make this delicious sauce much better, and you will never discover the secret ingredient. But is it necessary to say that?
We know that the mother will always be the best for the child. It is not about competing, but about finding competitive advantages. Talk to your partner about the hidden purpose behind that phrase and tell him how disappointed and offended you are by that expression.
- “You are just like your mother”
In fact, that phrase can upset you or, quite the contrary, it can make you proud. It depends on the way it is said. If it is a pride for you to look like your mother, congratulations.
However, many men often say this in a derogatory way. It is necessary to talk if this sentence is meant to hurt, and make it clear that looking like your mother will never be an offense.
Share this article with your husband and talk about the phrases that bother you, in order to improve communication between you and increase respect. What other phrases would you include?