Meeting your partner’s parents is nerve-wracking. You’re afraid to say or do something wrong and ruin the impression of yourself. You also want to avoid awkward silence or topics that could upset the family. How not to lose face – psychologists answer.
Tip 1. Take your time
Psychotherapist Jean Fitzpatrick advises : both partners should be ready to meet the family. If your lover suggests having dinner with the parents, but the idea worries you, think about why. Are you afraid of creating the wrong impression? Or do you feel that it is too early to meet? If you are very worried about the experience, it is worth talking about your feelings with your partner.
There is no single rule for when it is best to meet parents. According to family psychologist Jamie Bronstein, each relationship has its own rules and it is better to start from your own feelings. In addition, everything depends on the circumstances: a year of a long-distance relationship can be very different from a year when partners spend almost every day with each other.
In general, experts advise not to rush things. Clinical psychologist Wyatt Fisher recommends waiting at least three months from the start of a relationship. By this time, partners usually get used to each other and can assess whether their couple has potential.
Tip 2: Find out a little more about your partner’s parents
You don’t have to dig up your entire family history. Jean Fitzptrick advises making sure you know the important details, like whether you remember their middle names correctly. If you’re planning on inviting your family over for dinner, ask your partner if they have any allergies or what they definitely don’t eat. Your partner can also tell you what topics to bring up at a gathering and what to avoid.
Tip 3: Don’t worry too much about clothes
There is no need to spend the whole day sorting through your closet looking for a suitable shirt. It is better to wear something that you feel comfortable in. Most likely, you will already be nervous, and unfamiliar clothes will only add even more discomfort. It is also worth considering the place where the meeting will take place. For example, if you have a table reserved at a restaurant, it is better to leave short shorts for another occasion.
Tip 4. Don’t be afraid to be yourself
At a meeting, you want to show the best version of yourself and please your partner’s family. But according to Jean Fitzpatrick, the right tactic is to be honest. Talk about your hobbies, interests, life goals, childhood. Avoid lying. For example, don’t embellish your career achievements. Pretending for a long time is tiring, and if your partner’s parents later find out that you lied, the level of trust may drop.
Tip 5: Avoid dangerous topics
Relationship coach Asha Still suggests avoiding topics that could trigger an emotional discussion, especially if you know your beliefs conflict with your partner’s parents.
Topics that should not be discussed:
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policy;
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sex and intimacy;
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religion;
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previous relationships;
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big news that people react to differently.
It’s better to get to know your partner’s parents from a personal perspective. You can ask about their hobbies, work, or how they met. Don’t be shy about asking questions yourself – this will show interest.
If you are being steered away from the topic of conversation, it is better to listen and not insist on your own. For example, your partner’s parents may not want to talk about how they met. In this case, it is not worth digging deeper. Asha Still explains: you can push people away. It is better to steer the conversation in another direction.
Tip 6: Bring a small gift if you like.
A pastry or dessert with dinner is the most versatile option. Etiquette teacher Mika Meyer warns that alcohol is not the best choice unless you know exactly what your parents prefer. It’s better to ask your partner what kind of gift the family will definitely like.
Tip 7. Don’t sit on your phone
You shouldn’t send messages at the table or constantly glance at your phone. Parents may perceive this as rudeness. According to psychologist Anna Nikolides, it is better to look at the interlocutor during a conversation and put the phone away completely. The specialist believes that people like good listeners much more.
Tip 8. Offer to help
You can clear the table or wash the dishes when dinner is over. This can be very inviting, even if the family refuses to help. Plus, you and your partner’s parents can get to know each other better while you’re doing something together.
Tip 9: Remember, it’s okay for your partner’s family not to like you.
Of course, everyone wants the best relationship with their partner’s family. But that’s not always the case, and it may not be because you didn’t show up well. According to Jamie Bronstein, parents don’t always approve of their child’s partner.
Don’t let a bad introduction dictate the rules of your relationship. Be polite, but still don’t let your parents interfere with your couple. A good option is to set boundaries and figure out what is acceptable in your communication and what is not. Be careful, but firm.